Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Narcissistic sister?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Narcissistic sister?

    My sister and I have always been close, but she has been very difficult to deal with these past few years. She talks about her job constantly. She's an oncology nurse at a prestigious hospital. When we have conversations, she doesn't seem to listen to me, cuts me off or one ups me. I've had a difficult life...my only daughter died almost five years ago. I'm doing my best to navigate the grief process and heal. Since she passed, I atoppped teaching full time and became a teaching assistant to give me time to heal
    and try to enjoy life rather than being stressed all the time. I feel like my sister uses this as a target. She knows she has a better, more involved, and more intellectual job. Also, I've been thin my whole life. She struggles with her weight and constantly shames thin women. A few days ago, I zoned out during one of her one sided work conversations and she got upset with me. I told her I was sorry and I'd try to be a better listener. In all honesty, she's exhausting and I don't think she cares at all about what I have to say. I told my husband that I'm done with dealing with her. I feel like an awful sister but she's so draining and unsupportive. Any advice?

  • #2
    You know people only behave a certain way around you (chronically) because you allow it. Some people push and push simply at the expense of others' good graces. The issue isn't really her. I think you should stop listening to anyone else and listen to yourself and do what you need to do.

    Comment


    • #3
      I want to tell you that I'm sorry for your loss first and foremost.

      I have a question: Why didn't you tell her you weren't interested in her work stories about people and things you don't even know instead of telling her you were sorry for not listening? She's your sister you should be able to tell her that without hesitation. You could tell her kindly like "Hey can we change the subject to something that doesn't entail work, we're off now and lets leave our jobs where they belong ~ In the workplace" and then talk about something that the two of you can engage in rather then it being all about her. If she gets on your case about that then be true to your personal boundaries and don't let her walk all over you.

      If you don't enable her to be crossing your boundaries then she'll soon enough she'll change her ways around you and show you the respect you deserve. If she doesn't then it's time to distance yourself from her.

      Good luck.
      Last edited by phasesofthemoon; November 24th, 2017, 09:28 PM.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

      Comment


      • #4
        Sister relationships are seldom all that great. They carry resentments from childhood. I'm sorry you've gone through such a hard time. Why not just limit your time with your sister, as I have had to do with mine, and work on reigniting some old friendships or finding new activities that will lead to new friendships. I know it's not easy.
        Not at all flirtatious. Why does it say that??

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Preraph View Post
          Sister relationships are seldom all that great. They carry resentments from childhood. I'm sorry you've gone through such a hard time. Why not just limit your time with your sister, as I have had to do with mine, and work on reigniting some old friendships or finding new activities that will lead to new friendships. I know it's not easy.
          Flirtatious meaning you are a relatively new member, it changes the more you post . To love guru etc etc


          Comment


          • #6
            Tooty, I can relate. I know way too many people who are non-stop talkers, and it drives me nuts. When they're spewing their endless narrations, I feel like a prisoner in a cage. But eventually I developed a method for disengaging them. I wait for a pause in the speech and then I abruptly change the topic and don't let them interrupt. And by the way, body language doesn't work with yakkers, like looking at your watch or staring off into space. They're not tuned into other people's reactions. Falling asleep, however, made it pretty obvious that you weren't listening. The key is to not let them talk on an on. Phases had a great suggestion of what to say to her. Don't ever apologize for not listening. Just tell her that you find work conversations boring. I think you be a little more assertive with her. That will take practice.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

            Comment


            • #7
              I have a sister and we're not close as sisters should be. However, we're cordial, diplomatic, polite, well-mannered and it's as far as we go. Even if respect only comes from you to your sister, give it without expectations in return. You can be peaceful. That's what works for me. I've since learned from many various relationships in my lifetime that not everyone is compatible. There are times when we don't like nor approve certain characteristic traits and that's life. The only thing that works is to strive for a peaceful relationship albeit not a close relationship. You need to be cordial but keep your distance. That is how you mentally survive. Lower your expectations in relationships and you won't get hurt.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

              Comment

              Working...
              X