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I will never understand this man

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  • I will never understand this man

    My step-father seems to not feel bad for anything at all
    He calls my mother a bitch face, scumbag, whore, brainless, etc. Everything in the book!

    My mom accidently spent 150 dollars on food, thinking she would get paid to pay him back. Turns out, she doesn't get paid this week, and he calls her a bitch, whore, says "fuck you bitch!" Right now, she is crying, pleading for him to stop.
    He verbally abuses her all the time.

    He has a big issue, and is inconsiderate of the fact that me and my brother are listening to this. My mother has been going through a lot recently. She went to the ER a few times this month, has been dealing with some neurological issues as well that required medications and stuff.
    Last edited by HemOncMD; October 13th, 2017, 05:37 PM.

  • #2
    (I accidently pressed post, but I will continue where I left off)

    She literally walks on egg shells not to get him mad. He really isn't happy with anything. She can't even cook a meal because he will say, "What the fuck are you doing? You're not spending time with me!"
    Literally, he gets upset when she cooks, he calls it a waste of time.

    I will never hate anybody at all. I am forgiving, but I am ready to lash out on him. This is not how you treat someone, someone who has done everything to keep you happy!
    Not to mention, my brother and I try to keep him happy all the time. When he is not working, he is usually in the worst mood in the morning. He wakes up, and when he does not see my mom interacting with our pets and taking them out and stuff, he gets mad.

    *What is your advice here? How do I cope with this?*
    Last edited by HemOncMD; October 13th, 2017, 05:37 PM.

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    • #3
      How old are you?
      Why do you live with your mother?
      What do you do for a living?
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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      • #4
        -I wouldn't post my age on a public website or send it privately
        -I live with her because I want to
        -Why?
        Last edited by HemOncMD; October 14th, 2017, 09:28 AM.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by HemOncMD View Post
          -I wouldn't post my age on a public website or send it privately
          -I live with her because I want to
          -Why?
          This is an anonymous site no one here is going to track you down. stop being a wuss,

          Now go out and get the book "Walking on Egg Shells" and wafter your done see if that describes your step-father. If it does, the family should run as far as possible and as fast as possible. It will NEVER get better.
          There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. People who do not experience self-love have little or no capacity to love others.

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          • #6
            Why don't you talk about this with your mother and all three of you go to a shelter for abused spouses and their children? If she won't talk to you about it then talk to a family member who you trust about it all. Your mother enables him to treat her that way by staying there and taking his shit. She needs help with her own mental well being which a woman's shelter will help her with.

            Here is a link that may help you guys. There are phone numbers near the bottom of the page that you can call and get professional advise. You can't help your mother get the tits to move herself away from him but you can give her advice on how she can do it and you can be supportive while she transitions away from him.

            You are taking on more then you should as it is.

            https://www.helpguide.org/articles/a...lationship.htm
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by HemOncMD View Post
              -I wouldn't post my age on a public website or send it privately
              -I live with her because I want to
              -Why?
              1. Having an idea of your age is helpful in giving advice.
              2. Knowing why you live with your mother would help me to give advice.
              3. Knowing if you are financially able to help your mother would help.

              In other words, we don't ask questions on this forum just because we're nosy.
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

              Comment


              • #8
                SarahLancaster Thank you but we are probably not leaving any time soon so...
                phasesofthemoon Your insight and advice is much appreciated, thank you.
                foh4k Thank you for the advice, and you are right, I am a wuss.

                I have never really lashed out on this man in my entire life would surprise him if I did, I honestly don't know how he would react or what he would say.

                When he was calling my mother names last night I was very close to telling him to stop yelling, and to please allow us all to rest. It is very hard for me to have confrontations like that because I tend to be on the reserved side.

                Silence has been my close ally for many years, but one can only keep their mouth shut for so long. It should not be a surprise to him when I do tell him what he is doing is wrong.

                Things will get sorted out hopefully before I move out. Unfortunately, his daughter does not know how he treats my mother. Although she has seen him yell at my mother and call her "b*tch" and say "F*ck youuuu", she does not know the extent of his verbal abuse.

                Should I face my fear and tell my stepfather how it is? Tell him that he needs to stop this verbal abuse, and ask him how it would feel if someone was constantly demeaning him?
                Or should I stick with being silent, and try to avoid getting him angry?




                Comment


                • #9
                  Since you live with them, is he supporting you? If he's supporting you, you might risk getting thrown out if you confront him. Could you afford to be kicked out?
                  "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                  • #10
                    ^ He is not really supporting us, but occasionally gives my mother money to buy groceries, certain things like that. He often makes fun of my Mother and says her salary is worthless, says he makes more money than her, etc.
                    He always says to my Mother, "Get out of my house" or "Get your sh*t out".

                    It is not his house, it is his Mother's house, although she is away in a different State at the moment and is coming back in a few weeks.
                    I don't think we could afford to be kicked out at the moment

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                    • #11
                      Well it's NOT your mother's house in any case.

                      Have you talked to her about moving out and getting her own place?
                      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by HemOncMD View Post
                        -I wouldn't post my age on a public website or send it privately
                        -I live with her because I want to
                        -Why?
                        Your age is relevant and there is no valid reason not to disclose it.

                        I am more concerned about your mothers mental health than I am about his abusive nature. She is allowing it. Why?

                        If you are under 18 then you should be protected by child protection services , if you are over 18 , then why do you choose to live with this man? Because it is a choice.

                        If you , your brother and your mother all earn an income , there is no financial reason not to move.

                        Have you spoke to your mother and asked her why she allows herself to be treated this way?

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                        • #13
                          I totally agree with Maggiemay4791. The whole situation is just sick! I really feel for you, it must be awful.

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                          • #14
                            Maggiemay4791 My brother and I do not earn an income and my mother has not in the financial state to move yet...
                            SarahLancaster Yes it is basically his house
                            BunnyBabe Unfortunately it is sick, but we have been managing with this man for over 10 years...

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                            • #15
                              It is your mother that I don't understand.
                              She can get out IF she wanted to! There is plenty of help out there!

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