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Should I apologize or let it go without a word?

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  • Should I apologize or let it go without a word?

    Hello my first post here!

    Here is the story in brief. It has been a week already and I still have now some feeling of a guilty conscience mixed with some irritation.

    So here is why.

    Few months ago I invited a friend of mine (girl 28 and I am guy 29) to come visit me from Mexico in my country (Bulgaria). First let me say that maybe a friend is too strong of a word (I met her quite some time ago but we haven't talked much since then. Then this winter we started chatting online quite occasionally and I invited her for the summer).

    Anyway 10 days ago she came and I met her on the airport in Sofia. We went to a small town in the mountain for 3 days. It was all fine the 1st one or two days but Idk why at some point she seemed kind of keeping her distance and didn't wanted to communicate much, most of the time chatting with her friends on the phone. (it is what it seemed to me from my point of view). One day we were going to a monastery nearby and were walking in the forest and she (for no evident for me reason) started to walk further ahead of me without seeming to care if I was behind her or not. And I got left behind since I had to read all the signs and maps on the way.

    Eventually I went to her and called that on her. I got a bit pissed/annoyed (just a slightly) and called this on here. I didn't shout at her, didn't called her names/adjectives, just maybe a little rebuked her that is not good to do like that especially when we are alone in the forest. Anyway she backed of, shut herself of and got stubborn. Later that day I tried to talk to her peacefully, but she didn't seems to reciprocate much with the communication.

    Anyway next day I tried to communicate again normally for what happened and asked her if there was another problem or if I did something wrong or not, she said she was sorry for that but she was still a bit distant and not much talkative.

    Later on we traveled with the night bus to my home town and we barely talked, because I didn't knew what was going on and just decided to leave her alone. But I felt it kind of irritating, to not communicate especially when she is about to be my guest and I started feeling a bit disrespected and taken advantage of.

    We are arrived next day in my town in my apartment, it was very early morning and I was tired as hell. Made her tea, showed her the bathroom to take shower, asked her if she needs something and told her that I need rest. She was chatting on her phone with family again without talking much. I couldn't hold my self anymore and I addressed it, telling her that I find this a bit disrespectful and rude. (since she also was claiming that I was rude the previous day for some other reason, she didn't wanted to explain). I told her that I have nothing against talking on the phone but also to communicate with me, not completely isolating me.

    And again she didn't seem to care much of what I said and continued chatting on her phone.

    I went to bed and then she called someone speaking in Spanish seemingly not caring much that I try to sleep. I asked her to maybe call a bit later when we rest, she didn't say anything. Then she went on the balcony (since I live in a one room apartment) but I was still hearing the noise and I closed the door and turned out that I locked her there. Yes I admit I did this also partially due to stubbornness, since she was stubborn too even when I asked her politely to communicate.

    About 2 hours later I woke up and of course I opened the door, she went in, made her make up, charged her phone and said: "Thank you a lot, but I cant stay here. I have to leave".
    I replied: "It is up to you". Didnt wanted to be aggressive nor needy, begging her to stay. On top of that I was still tired.

    So she left and then blocking me on facebook, whatsapp etc. I didn't care that much that day, yet at night I felt a bit pity and worried and I asked a friend of mine to message her to ask her if she was fine and if needed something. She replied that she was good and safe, and if she needed something she would call us, and thanked her.

    Then few days later I saw her in a bar talking with some other people and seeming she was fine.

    She just said Hey to me just passing me by, but I didn't say anything, because I was still confused of what was going on. Anyway I didnt went to their table because I thought it would be awkward and left the place.

    So fast forward to today a week passed since she left and now I feel a bit guilty for letting things turn that way. I don't feel negative about her, i just didn't knew her that well and didn't knew that this kind of behavior (with the phone and no talking) would irritate me.


    This what I said was just my perspective and I realize that maybe I was wrong by acting that way, but I really felt disrespected at some point and thought that if I didn't called on that I would feel even worse.

    Maybe she also had let it go, so I was thinking is it a good idea to message her (i still have her number) something neutral like: "sorry things didn't turned out that way expected, didn't meant to scary you, hope you had a good time here. Cheers"

    Or should I apologize or should I do something at all.

    It still kind of bothers me and I feel I need to do something.


    Thank you.










    Last edited by lowriderzzz; May 29th, 2017, 05:40 AM. Reason: adding few more things

  • #2
    Did you pay her ticket from Mexico? If you didn't, she doesn't owe you anything. It's obvious that she's able to take care of herself. Don't try to pursue her. She isn't interested in you. Just let it go. You don't owe anything to her either.

    If you DID pay for her plane ticket, you're a world-class fool.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Let it go. Move on. She wasn't in to you and obviously she isn't right for you.

      Agree with Sarah on the ticket.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
        Did you pay her ticket from Mexico? If you didn't, she doesn't owe you anything. It's obvious that she's able to take care of herself. Don't try to pursue her. She isn't interested in you. Just let it go. You don't owe anything to her either.

        If you DID pay for her plane ticket, you're a world-class fool.
        I didn't pay for her ticket of course. Yet it has already been a week and I still wake up with this bad feeling of mixture of guilt and irritation of things didn't turn out well. Which leads to me sorry for my self thinking that I am jackass, worthless who pushes people away from him etc. It consumes my time and adds one more messed up friendship which leaves an open hole that drains my energy making me highly unproductive . Even affects my social interactions with other people by making me more shut off and reserved. And I don't know how to get rid of it. I feel I need to do something proactive just don't know what.




        Last edited by lowriderzzz; May 30th, 2017, 03:53 AM.

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        • #5
          Perhaps the chemistry that you shared online did not translate to the real world. This is more common than people think.

          But since it appears she was distant from you to begin with, and seemed to already have friends in the area that she met in the bar, then to me it seems that she may have been more interested in meeting her friends all along. You can't blame yourself for this if that was the real motive for her trip all along.

          You could send her the ''sorry it didn't work out'' text, but I'm not sure what good it will do. If she has blocked you on Facebook etc already then it doesn't seem like she's interested in talking to you again.

          Oh, and don't waste your time pondering over why this turned out like it did. You'll probably never find out for sure, so why bother.
          Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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          • #6
            You are worrying too much about someone you hardly knew or hung out with lately. The only way to move on is to get out and start meeting more people. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Also think more highly of yourself. See it as her loss not yours. She doesn't get to spend time with you anymore. Be positive and change your mindset. If I was to rewrite your last statement it should read like this:

            I didn't pay for her ticket of course, I would only do that for someone that is my wife. It is her loss that she does not get to spend time with me anymore. I am really a catch and she probably was not the right person for me. I think really highly of myself and I treated this as a learning experience. I will no longer put so much emphasis on one woman until she asks me to be exclusive. This attitude has allowed me to meet all kinds of women because they just come to me. They sense that I am confident in myself and they want to learn more about me. They love that I follow my passion relentlessly. I have a limited time to juggle so many potential daters. People love hanging out with me and the thing I have the most trouble with is deciding who to commit my limited time to. I love the life I have designed and what I am creating.

            It's all about attitude and confidence.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Blaze View Post
              You are worrying too much about someone you hardly knew or hung out with lately. The only way to move on is to get out and start meeting more people. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. Also think more highly of yourself. See it as her loss not yours. She doesn't get to spend time with you anymore. Be positive and change your mindset. If I was to rewrite your last statement it should read like this:

              I didn't pay for her ticket of course, I would only do that for someone that is my wife. It is her loss that she does not get to spend time with me anymore. I am really a catch and she probably was not the right person for me. I think really highly of myself and I treated this as a learning experience. I will no longer put so much emphasis on one woman until she asks me to be exclusive. This attitude has allowed me to meet all kinds of women because they just come to me. They sense that I am confident in myself and they want to learn more about me. They love that I follow my passion relentlessly. I have a limited time to juggle so many potential daters. People love hanging out with me and the thing I have the most trouble with is deciding who to commit my limited time to. I love the life I have designed and what I am creating.

              It's all about attitude and confidence.
              Yes. I am thinking also they way you say, but at the same time I am kicking myself in the but because now as I think I could have played the scenario better and not end up like this, but anyway... water under the bridge.

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              • #8
                Exactly now you will be better prepared the next time the scenario arises.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Blaze View Post
                  Exactly now you will be better prepared the next time the scenario arises.
                  Yes but I still feel the void of a broken friendship.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Get over it. She wasn't worth a friendship.
                    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
                      Get over it. She wasn't worth a friendship.
                      Why? it was kind of worth for me. Initially she invited me to go there and was very cheerful, happy and positive all the time we spoke and chatted online. I am still kicking my self that I messed it up

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