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Best way to convince friend to accept apology?

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  • Best way to convince friend to accept apology?

    I've spent the last 5 years or so battling depression. It has been one of the toughest experiences of my life and caused me to come very close to suicide on several occasions. Over the summer I managed to get over my depression and start a new chapter in my life. It was one of the most liberating feelings I can describe and it is the most free and happy I can ever remember being. I met a particular friend in September and we became very close over the next few months due to our joint interests and relatable experiences.

    Eventually my friend started to become very depressed and I found myself forced to make a decision. I could either sit by and watch them fall into the same shadow that I had experienced, or I could intervene and try to help them through this. My fear was that if I dedicated myself to helping them pull through then I might once again redevelop my own depression and spend another half a decade fighting it. I decided that the friendship meant enough for me to risk my mental wellbeing if it could lead to them avoiding depression entirely and I was convinced if I did suffer depression once again they'd make the same decision and help me pull through. I helped my friend fight it, giving them plenty of advice, constantly calling them to make sure they weren't feeling lonely, going out and having fun experiences with them, helping them with their work etc. It worked and they very quickly pulled through. However, as I feared, so much time dedicated to them meant I was neglecting my own needs and my depression soon creeped back. I found myself feeling isolated and suicidal again, I went back onto medication and once more signed up for cognitive behavioural therapy. After a number of weeks I realised my friend wasn't making any effort to help me out. They'd used me as a support then disappeared, taking hours to reply to messages and claiming to be "too busy" to even talk to me. This caused me to argue with them. I let them know how I felt, how they had let me down and weren't doing enough to help me. They said that it was simply too much effort and the argument ended with us bringing up insults about each others characteristics.

    After a few weeks of thought I realise I was wrong to essentially demand that they dedicate their time to helping me. It was wrong of me to have expected something without asking and to have gotten angry at them for not delivering. I want to apologise to them but I fear they will not take my apology seriously and will simply think it's me just looking for attention or sympathy. How can I show my friend that I understand and am genuinely sorry? What are the best methods of apologising? Is there anything I can do in addition to an apology that will help them understand?

    Thank you for your time.

  • #2
    How many friends do you have with this problem? The use of plural is too distracting. It's silly to use such constructions to avoid mention of gender.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      I'm referring to a singular friend here. My other friendships are all perfectly healthy.


      • #4
        You give your apology if its sincere your friend will accept that, but you need also to understand that if he/she don't you can't force them to do so you will have to learn from that experience and move on, keep the door open btw and let them know that, its my advice to you, good luck.


        • #5
          Saying that you are sorry is both the easiest and hardest part of apologizing It's just one little sentence but it can be hard to get out. It's the best way to start an apology though because it establishes upfront that you want to make amends...x))


          • #6
            things like eye contact and appropriate expression of sincerity are important when you give a face-to-face apology...