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CONTENT: Just Suffered A Breakup?

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  • #46
    so she left and within a month has jumped into a semi-serious relationship. i take it all bets are off?


    • #47
      Follow the distancing rule, and only time will tell. I had a girl hop into a relationship 2 weeks after, then a couple months down the line come crawling back.

      And the fun begins. :)


      • #48
        yeah burro, but this chick left me, and is wanting marriage.


        • #49
          How old are you?

          And the fun begins. :)


          • #50
            24, she is 23


            • #51
              Sorry to bring up an old topic but I had a question.

              Why on god's green earth would you want someone who left you?
              My personal opinion is that once a relationship ends, its over for good. When you get back with that person it just isn't the same anymore. You'll usually have doubts in your mind that if you get into an arguement you'll end up breaking up or whatever.

              I dated a guy a couple of years ago and we got into a couple of scraps. We finally broke up and I wanted to move on with my life. He wanted to give things a try again, so we decided to try again. I hated every minute of it. I always had doubts in my head, I would think about how hurtful the break up was in the first place and I seriously didn't want to go down that road again.

              In the end, we broke up again. And it hurt again. And life sucked again. I have seen him around every now and then and I won't even go up to him to say hello, how is life.

              My little saying about people who fight: "Its not what you fight about, its all about how you fight and how you over come the fight".

              If everytime you have an arguement your first thoughts are "I gotta dump this biatch...." its not a good sign. If you call each other names and always scream instead of discuss....again a bad sign.

              I don't know but after my experience, I wouldn't go back to someone a relationship ended.


              • #52
                Originally posted by theslayer@Aug 31 2004, 01:05 AM
                Why on god's green earth would you want someone who left you?
                My personal opinion is that once a relationship ends, its over for good. When you get back with that person it just isn't the same anymore. You'll usually have doubts in your mind that if you get into an arguement you'll end up breaking up or whatever.
                I'm with you on that. And it's not just a matter of wanting to be back with someone who left you, but really... even if YOU think it can work out, odds are the one who left you will beg to differ, and I don't see any kind of a reason to con them into doing it...


                • #53
                  I was with my ex for a few years. We were engaged for the last 18 months of our relationship, when she very suddenly told me "I think we need a break". No matter what I said, asked, begged, etc I never got an answer as to why she needed that break. Even when we eventually got back together (more on that to follow) she could never give me a reason. She blamed her mum and sister, I blame them too, but she has some SERIOUS commitment problems, and can't go on blaming them for her shortfalls.

                  We were living together at the time we broke up, so (of course) she took all her stuff, her mother helped (she even took the spare toothbrushes!&#33. I blame her mother and sister a lot for what happened. As I said before, I NEVER got an explanation for the breakup. The ex never told me there was any problems with the relationship. We were strained at the time, but I thought it was only little things going wrong, and more a case of circumstances than a bad relationship, (my dad was in hospital, her sister (twin) was pregnent, we had just moved cities and both started new jobs). So there was stress, I talked to her, about my problems and issues, but I never got the same from her. She always told her mum and sister her problems. Which caused issues because their view is from outside the relationship, and their comments were, "Leave him" straight up.

                  But I'm digressing here...

                  One of the things she asked me was "Don't contact me". So I didn't, not even for her birthday or valentines. Don't get me wrong, that was the hardest thing I had to do. Every day, the first thing I thought of was her, I wanted to send a message/call anything to tell her I was still madly in love with her. I was, and still am dreaming about her EVERY night. I never said I HATE anyone until she dumped me. Hate is a very strong word, and shouldn't be used lightly, but she fucked my life up so completly I thought I started to Hate her.

                  About 4 months after we broke up (this is on my birthday) I got a message from her, wanting to "Talk". All in all to cut a long story short, we got back together. I thought it was what I wanted. Turns out I didn't want her anymore. But it took her dumping me a second time to find out she's an evil, manipulative, cow.

                  Yes thats right I got dumped by the same girl twice. This time I could see it coming though, she got any DVD's I had lent my friends, as well as a photo album she didn't get the first time she left.

                  Whats the saying?? "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Shame, shame, shame. And whats worse is she didn't even have the gall to tell me to my face. I got dumped by SMS!!! SMS!!! How low is that. I can't believe I would ever be attracted to someone who would use SMS as a dumping tool. And whats worse?? I still love her dearly. I would never take her back. But I'm sure some of you know what I am feeling. I was a 22 year old virgin when I met her. I thought "Waiting for the right girl" was what I wanted. I still do. Thats the biggest thing she took from me, and can't give back.

                  But anyway, its been about 4 months again, I haven't called, messaged etc at all. I'm now waiting for the call (if it comes), so I can tell her to "Fuck right off chap".

                  No contact works, Its the only way to take a step away from the relationship and get a cleaner perspective. I may not be with her now. But I am 95% sure (yes there is still a little doubt) that we are not "Right" for each other.

                  Having no contact proved to me that I didn't miss her, I missed the relationship (the "Hi honey I'm home", veging on the couch, SEX). I missed the habbit, not the person.

                  Now on to find someone special.........
                  -"What anyone thinks of me, is none of my business" Peter Brock
                  -There are many things I fear in life, but disappointing you is my greatest.


                  • #54
                    I know how you feel. Im a 19 year old virgin which has been hard to keep. My ex was the love of my life and she dropped me with a whole bunch of bs excuses. Im glad your moving on and finding the right girl is the best way to go. I know its hard because of temptation but when you do find the right one is going to be a great relantionship and you dont have to worry about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.


                    • #55
                      When me and my ex broke up. The first thing she said was that I have to promise her to always be bestfriends with her. Even though we have hungout as bestfriends and we have had great times. We have had some arguements. I feel like im am not treating her like a bestfriend. As a bestfriend we both call each other all the time about equally. But I seem to always get jealous. What do you think about this? Im really confused about my situation with my ex. One thing she did say though on the phone is, that even though we will have some rough times because of us dating in the past, she will always work on our relationship and be patient with me. She also said even though I can be mean she will never leave me as a bestfriend. She wants me to stay in her life. Right now I feel like I am at the point that she deals with too much from me. I don't know what to do.


                      • #56
                        The most important thing to learn is you've got to be able to live your own life without a partner before thinking of sharing your life with someone. From what you've wrote, I'd venture to say there is still potential in your relationship because it seems pretty obvious she still has some sort of a connection with you, be it a friendship or a relationship, she DOES have feelings for you.

                        It's natural for you to feel jealous when you see an ex with someone new. Just keep living your life on your own, time solves everything.

                        And the fun begins. :)


                        • #57
                          Thanks A lot! Yeah we have had some rough times, but I am trying to live my life now. Im glad that we are both bestfriends because I can't imagine her not in my life!


                          • #58
                            Wow, this is a great topic that I'm glad I read so soon... I've been looking all over the internet for advice on how to get my girl back, but just in the past few hours I've seen the blatant device of No Contact all over the place. Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe much of anything I read on the internet, but NC seems to work all right for most people.

                            It was only a few days ago this happened and I did give her flowers and a letter to read, so I hope that that one little thing doesn't ruin the no contact thing that I'm starting at this exact moment. =P


                            • #59
                              Originally posted by Burro@Jun 8 2003, 04:52 PM
                              OK - so some of us are fortunate enough to go through life without this kind of trouble, but some are not. I'll spill the secrets of women, and why the pursuer/distance thing is the way to go.

                              It is not attractive to have someone begging you to come back to them. Imagine if you met someone at a party for the first time, and they were really sad and saying "Please go out with me" - not attractive at all.

                              Most men fail to realise that their relationship has ended. They still behave as if they are a couple when their girlfriend has split up with them. This is usually because it is a "surprise". What you need to realise is that your girlfriend has been thinking about this for AGES. She hasn't suddenly broken up with you, she has thought about it in private, and probably done a lot of crying and emotional stuff behind your back. Whatever the situation - your relationship has changed completely - so don't act like nothing is wrong.

                              Once you have realised this - you can start to behave like yourself again. Go to the gym, do something new, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sure it hurts sometimes, and you can cry in your bedroom until your eyes look like footballs, but to the outside world you need to be strong and in control. If a woman walks away, and sees you crumble, she'll walk away for good. Be strong. Start to realise that you are a GREAT CATCH. She would be damned lucky to have you. Stand tall. Be independent.

                              If a relationshipa is supposed to work out, it will. If you were made for eachother, a few months apart will not kill your love. However, a few months apart will kill HABIT. If you think about her all the time, go to places hoping to see her, send her texts and emails and letters, you are not allowing your mind to move on. The sooner that you get over the emotion of it all, the sooner you can move on or get back together. You can't get back together successfully while you have a bleeding heart. Take some time out - heal yourself.

                              Don't call her, and when you do talk, don't talk about how you broke up and miss her. If she steers the conversation onto that topic, say "Well, I tried to save it, but I guess it's too late now. Did you see ER last night? . .blah". Let her do the calling and running. Always let her know that you are glad she called. and that it was nice to speak to her, but dont pursue.

                              POINT 4: WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
                              Do you want her back? Or do you want what she used to be back. Remeber that she will never be the sweet girl that you first met. She will always be the girls that dumped you (and did whatever else). Long term, can you live with this? Will you trust her again? If she comes home at 3am will you be worried? Remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea, and you can be just as happy with another person (who will not have all the baggage of the breakup).

                              You need to move on and can survive without her. When she tells you that "You never call and obviously don't care" - tell her that you do care, but need to get on with life and find someone who loves you and is prepared to stand by you.

                              DONT DONT DONT chase her. You will never get her back. Be strong and you might get her back. If you do the things that I have said two things may happen :

                              1) You become a much stronger person, more attractive to your EX, and you get back together. But realise that you have to stay as this "stronger person" to keep her interested. If you go back to being the way you were she may well leave again.

                              2) She doesn't come back, but your head is in a better place and you are not so sad anymore. You'll meet someone else. Be yourself, and see if it works out. Find someone who loves you for who you are.
                              <round of applause>


                              • #60
                                Re: Just Suffered A Breakup?

                                There are some wonderful pieces of advice from people's personal experience here......wonderful advice.

                                I personally have recently learned not to ignore your logic. When you're in love, you tend to get blinded by your feelings....or at least ignore the reality of things because of your feelings. I've also learned not to put up with BS and that being extra nice does not pay off. You have to draw the line to get respect.

                                I am so estatic that I am out of my last relationship that I actually feel a rush of relief and thankfulness just thinking about it. I look back and remember the feelings I felt. I felt unloved, used, and manipulated. He was crude and harsh at times, but it was the times when he was loving again that kept me hanging on. I was hanging on to the BF I knew when we met.....when he was in love with me.

                                I made the mistake of moving in with him and that's when things started really getting bad and ended with him cheating on me. Now that I look back on that part, I think he cheated on me so that I'd finally dump him. He had told me before that he felt that maybe we shouldn't live together but I just wanted so badly to work it all out. So I'm thinking the whole cheating thing was a garanteed way for me to leave since he apparently didn't have it in him to be firm and break up on his own.

                                So back to the point, I've learned not to let the fact that I'm in love make me ignore signs that things are over or bad. I saw it coming, but was too weak to do anything about it until it happened.

                                Now, 2 1/2 months later, here I am single and happy as hell, yet I met another person who seems to have fallen hard for me, but I'm not ready for a relationship with him. meh....
                                I love my car, not him.