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CONTENT: Just Suffered A Breakup?

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  • CONTENT: Just Suffered A Breakup?

    (read this thread first)

    (that's right, I'm hijacking this thread --Kuky)

    OK - so some of us are fortunate enough to go through life without this kind of trouble, but some are not. I'll spill the secrets of women, and why the pursuer/distance thing is the way to go.

    It is not attractive to have someone begging you to come back to them. Imagine if you met someone at a party for the first time, and they were really sad and saying "Please go out with me" - not attractive at all.

    Most men fail to realise that their relationship has ended. They still behave as if they are a couple when their girlfriend has split up with them. This is usually because it is a "surprise". What you need to realise is that your girlfriend has been thinking about this for AGES. She hasn't suddenly broken up with you, she has thought about it in private, and probably done a lot of crying and emotional stuff behind your back. Whatever the situation - your relationship has changed completely - so don't act like nothing is wrong.

    POINT 1: YOU MUST ACCEPT THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.
    Once you have realised this - you can start to behave like yourself again. Go to the gym, do something new, get off your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Sure it hurts sometimes, and you can cry in your bedroom until your eyes look like footballs, but to the outside world you need to be strong and in control. If a woman walks away, and sees you crumble, she'll walk away for good. Be strong. Start to realise that you are a GREAT CATCH. She would be damned lucky to have you. Stand tall. Be independent.

    POINT 2: TRY TO STAY AWAY FROM YOUR EX FOR A WHILE, HANGING OUT AS "FRIENDS" MERELY CONFUSES YOU AND PROLONGS THE PAIN.
    If a relationshipa is supposed to work out, it will. If you were made for eachother, a few months apart will not kill your love. However, a few months apart will kill HABIT. If you think about her all the time, go to places hoping to see her, send her texts and emails and letters, you are not allowing your mind to move on. The sooner that you get over the emotion of it all, the sooner you can move on or get back together. You can't get back together successfully while you have a bleeding heart. Take some time out - heal yourself.

    POINT 3: IF YOU HAVE TO SEE YOUR EX BECAUSE OF CIRCUMSTANCES.
    Don't call her, and when you do talk, don't talk about how you broke up and miss her. If she steers the conversation onto that topic, say "Well, I tried to save it, but I guess it's too late now. Did you see ER last night? . .blah". Let her do the calling and running. Always let her know that you are glad she called. and that it was nice to speak to her, but dont pursue.

    POINT 4: WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
    Do you want her back? Or do you want what she used to be back. Remeber that she will never be the sweet girl that you first met. She will always be the girls that dumped you (and did whatever else). Long term, can you live with this? Will you trust her again? If she comes home at 3am will you be worried? Remember that there are plenty more fish in the sea, and you can be just as happy with another person (who will not have all the baggage of the breakup).

    You need to move on and can survive without her. When she tells you that "You never call and obviously don't care" - tell her that you do care, but need to get on with life and find someone who loves you and is prepared to stand by you.

    DONT DONT DONT chase her. You will never get her back. Be strong and you might get her back. If you do the things that I have said two things may happen :

    1) You become a much stronger person, more attractive to your EX, and you get back together. But realise that you have to stay as this "stronger person" to keep her interested. If you go back to being the way you were she may well leave again.

    2) She doesn't come back, but your head is in a better place and you are not so sad anymore. You'll meet someone else. Be yourself, and see if it works out. Find someone who loves you for who you are.
    Last edited by Kuky; September 16th, 2006, 04:02 PM.


    And the fun begins. :)

  • #2
    very well said....very well.....
    **************
    Quarterlife Crisis? Questioning about Purpose of Life? : www.mylifequestions.com

    Comment


    • #3
      COOL! I was a little worried about where you'd turn up in your previous post, but now i KNOW you'll be fine 8)

      Comment


      • #4
        *shrugs* If it is meant to be it'll happen, if not, I'll find someone else where it will... Too bad she's so damn beautiful. :/

        To tell you the truth, without a doubt in my mind the most beautiful girl I've ever seen...

        Thanks for the good words tho...


        And the fun begins. :)

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        • #5
          AMEN! preach it brother....

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          • #6
            haha, thanks...


            And the fun begins. :)

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            • #7
              These are some great tips, and I plan on trying out some of your methods... But what if the girl is your best friend who you spent time wth and/or talked to every day for the last year, even before you were together? Simply stopping contact isn't an option for me.

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              • #8
                Just tone down contact. Instead of shutting them out completely, just smile and say Hi instead of having a huge conversation. I figure that should work about the same. But note that these tips are for getting her back, not getting her to begin with.

                If this person is your friend, and you want to tell them you have feelings for them, best to have a talk about how you're feeling. These tips might not apply in getting them to begin with.


                And the fun begins. :)

                Comment


                • #9
                  Wise words.

                  If only I had read them months ago. I pretty much did everything you advised against. Am I totally screwed or what?

                  I mean, when we broke up (okay, let's be honest, she dumped me) we agreed to be REALLY good friends and see where things went from there. She took it better then I thought was possible. I took it a lot worse then I expected, and I let it show. We've grown farther apart, and I don't even know if the friendship can be saved, let alone getting her back.

                  Anyway, thanks for the advice. It's the best I've heard about this kind of situation. I'm not sure how much applies to me anymore after everything that has already happened, but I'll try to take it to heart.

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                  • #10
                    I was in the same boat... We agreed to be friends also, and what that lead to was me being led on that she wanted to try things again...

                    Just casually talk to her after a period of time, sort of like you are meeting her again, and gradually get back into her life... There's how you can save the friendship. Friendships are a tough thing to be truly broken.


                    And the fun begins. :)

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                    • #11
                      Did you stay friends or did things lead to something more?

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                      • #12
                        We were benefit buddies for a bit, then I decided I wanted more, so I ended that unless there would be more (relationship wise, not physical wise), and she got a new boyfriend... Right now I'm just pulling a practice what I preach, and we'll see how things pan out. I'm just giving her her space, which is a valuable lesson all hurt former boyfriends should do, even though you don't want to.


                        And the fun begins. :)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          reading your post hurt. which means that it's right.

                          does that make sense?

                          ouchie.

                          yeah, it's the right advice. i just don't like taking it.
                          -Ashley

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                          • #14
                            It makes perfect sense. Advice is what you take when you already know the answer, but it hurts too much to accept on your own.

                            Yeah, it'll hurt to do, but if you truly want them back, it'll be worth it in the end.


                            And the fun begins. :)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              bump


                              And the fun begins. :)

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