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  • why doesn't my bf understand I'm upset over his fb?

    I'm in a fairly new relationship of 5 months and my bf's facebook page has always been mainly full of bikini clad supermodels and other barely dressed women in various poses. We've already had a few discussions about me not liking it but it always ends up the same. He doesn't like to be told what to do as it's HIS fb page, and well too bad for me. He says he's just promoting their pages buy reposting on his fb. I've pretty much ignored it for 2 months but as another one of his semi naked women pics came up on my fb feed ...I blew my stack. It's not just the photos, it's his leering comments that go with that I find most hurtful. I tried bringing it up today but he wouldn't listen and claimed his fb page was there long before I came along and I can't tell him what to do. He says these women are miles away and I shouldn't be worried. I just find it all disrespectful and he just doesn't get it. I don't really know what else to do...we always end up breaking up over it...but usually get back together but I just don't know how to get him to understand it's hurtful for me to read the posts and to have the whole world know my bf lusts after other women. Anyone else in a similiar situation?

  • #2
    It sounds like your boyfriend isn't ready to be in a relationship. How old are you two?
    You can't change him. Realise that. Get that through your head. He is who he is. Rather than trying to change him, ask yourself if you want to be investing any more of your time and energy on someone like him. Or whether you should be single, and looking for someone who doesn't have to change to be right for you.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by innocentnomore View Post
      I'm in a fairly new relationship of 5 months and my bf's facebook page has always been mainly full of bikini clad supermodels and other barely dressed women in various poses. We've already had a few discussions about me not liking it but it always ends up the same. He doesn't like to be told what to do as it's HIS fb page, and well too bad for me. He says he's just promoting their pages buy reposting on his fb. I've pretty much ignored it for 2 months but as another one of his semi naked women pics came up on my fb feed ...I blew my stack. It's not just the photos, it's his leering comments that go with that I find most hurtful. I tried bringing it up today but he wouldn't listen and claimed his fb page was there long before I came along and I can't tell him what to do. He says these women are miles away and I shouldn't be worried. I just find it all disrespectful and he just doesn't get it. I don't really know what else to do...we always end up breaking up over it...but usually get back together but I just don't know how to get him to understand it's hurtful for me to read the posts and to have the whole world know my bf lusts after other women. Anyone else in a similiar situation?
      I went through something similar about 12 years ago when fb first came out and I was with a guy for 9 months at the time.

      All I can say to you is to either accept it or donít. That is who he is and he will NOT change.

      I chose not to accept it and I left him, blocked him.
      About 7 years later I got a random message from some girl asking me if I knew him. She was dating him and clearly went through the same thing. Not sure how she found me to be honest but she was clearly questioning who he talks to etc. I hadnít spoke to him or seen him for 7 years.

      I was honest with her . Next thing she sent me screen shots of her conversations with him where she had screenshot my conversation with her and sent it to him lol
      I blocked the poor girl.

      Comment


      • #4
        You've only been together 5 months and if these problems are occurring this early on then it doesn't look good for your future. He doesn't have the kind of respect for you where he would do anything for you and he doesn't seem bothered about your feelings regarding these half naked women. This tells me he is not as invested in the relationship as you are. This doesn't sound like the man for you I'm afraid.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

        Comment


        • #5
          I think different individuals have different relationships with their social media (I'm not simply talking about the people they choose to connect with but the actual social media platform).

          You'll have to evaluate whether he takes his social media a little too seriously for your tastes. People can do whatever they want to do provided they don't harm or slander someone else or bully others (social media bullying amongst younger individuals).

          You both seem a bit incompatible in regards to your preferences and lifestyle.
          This should be a red flag for you if it makes you uncomfortable or if you feel that his preferences for seemingly superficial situations are already cause for concern.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thanks for all your replies. Yes he keeps saying no-one is going to change him and tell him what to do.And I know I can't change him ...however I want him to have a little understanding of how it feels to have your partner post such things along with the lustful comments he makes....but he doesn't understand at all......nor let me try to explain without shouting me down and getting defensive..However I came up with my own solution...I unfriended him...that way I don't get to see the posts...and won't have to worry! Short term solution...yes!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by innocentnomore View Post
              Thanks for all your replies. Yes he keeps saying no-one is going to change him and tell him what to do.And I know I can't change him ...however I want him to have a little understanding of how it feels to have your partner post such things along with the lustful comments he makes....but he doesn't understand at all......nor let me try to explain without shouting me down and getting defensive..However I came up with my own solution...I unfriended him...that way I don't get to see the posts...and won't have to worry! Short term solution...yes!
              innocentnomore This is a problem because you're with a guy who objectifies women. Either you tolerate his preferences and mindset or you don't. Those are your choices.

              He enjoys ogling and leering women which is sick. To him, women and you are just "things." He's not focused on your feelings, what you think, your brain (intelligence) and treats women as the inferior gender.

              Forget your hope of him having a little understanding towards you whenever he posts lustful pics and comments on FB. You need to give up and know he's hopeless. A leopard can't change its spots. He is who he is and you have no control over how he thinks and what his will is.

              He'll always bark at you, shout you down, get defensive and let you know that down deep inside without telling you, he really doesn't give a you know what how you feel and that's that. It's a lost battle and you will always lose the war.

              Your solution of unfriending him will not make this problem go away. You will no longer see his posts but it's his mind, preferences and what he will continue to post that will remain permanent despite your ire. There is no short term nor long term solution. Either be with a guy who is a lech or be with a very moral man who possesses CLASS, knows how to honor women and treat them with utmost respect. Know the difference.

              Comment


              • #8
                chanelle great post.

                I will add that if a couple lives together and shares living expenses and shares the cost of internet access, then you DO have I think the right to how the other person uses the internet, and have the right to say what online content can be accessed, because you share the cost of that access. If it could be anything not just pics of women. Could be they watch a lot of movies, or play online games a lot. I wouldn't help pay for that.

                I doubt you two probably don't live together and share expenses. Or plan to get married. When you get married then EVERYTHING is shared by both, even when the other pays for something, that's your $ too, You can already see how he would be in a marriage. Not respectful and doesn't care if it bothers you.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by innocentnomore View Post
                  Thanks for all your replies. Yes he keeps saying no-one is going to change him and tell him what to do.And I know I can't change him ...however I want him to have a little understanding of how it feels to have your partner post such things along with the lustful comments he makes....but he doesn't understand at all......nor let me try to explain without shouting me down and getting defensive..However I came up with my own solution...I unfriended him...that way I don't get to see the posts...and won't have to worry! Short term solution...yes!
                  Sorry but thatís not a solution , thatís sweeping it under the rug only.

                  You want him to understand how it makes you feel but he NEVER will.

                  Why? Because you simply have differing views on the subject.
                  If you started to follow half naked men and made lustful comments , he would have absolutely no issue with it.

                  There is no solution.
                  But there are options.
                  Either accept him as he is or leave him.

                  In all honesty , I am sure that your temporary ďsolutionĒ has just made him happy that he doesnít have to have this same old argument over and over.
                  You it seems are just buying time.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                    innocentnomore This is a problem because you're with a guy who objectifies women. Either you tolerate his preferences and mindset or you don't. Those are your choices.

                    He enjoys ogling and leering women which is sick. To him, women and you are just "things." He's not focused on your feelings, what you think, your brain (intelligence) and treats women as the inferior gender.

                    Forget your hope of him having a little understanding towards you whenever he posts lustful pics and comments on FB. You need to give up and know he's hopeless. A leopard can't change its spots. He is who he is and you have no control over how he thinks and what his will is.

                    He'll always bark at you, shout you down, get defensive and let you know that down deep inside without telling you, he really doesn't give a you know what how you feel and that's that. It's a lost battle and you will always lose the war.

                    Your solution of unfriending him will not make this problem go away. You will no longer see his posts but it's his mind, preferences and what he will continue to post that will remain permanent despite your ire. There is no short term nor long term solution. Either be with a guy who is a lech or be with a very moral man who possesses CLASS, knows how to honor women and treat them with utmost respect. Know the difference.
                    I disagree with most of this.

                    The women in question want to be objectified. And he is simply doing that. That does not mean he objectifies all women , just the ones that want to be.

                    It does not mean that he thinks all women are inferior.
                    Chanelle do you think women that watch porn and enjoy the ogling means that they think all men are inferior??
                    Have you ever watched porn? And enjoyed it?

                    The OP and her bf are clearly not suited.
                    But that doesnít make him a bad guy nor that he canít find a compatible gf. He just isnít with one right now.

                    No offence meant Chanelle , but your husband could have a similar view to the OPís bf.
                    Just because he doesnít ogle on social media , doesnít mean he doesnít do it in real life.
                    If your husband has never watched porn or bought a top shelf mag , thatís only because you believe him when he says so.
                    He has!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by JohnSG77 View Post
                      chanelle great post.

                      I will add that if a couple lives together and shares living expenses and shares the cost of internet access, then you DO have I think the right to how the other person uses the internet, and have the right to say what online content can be accessed, because you share the cost of that access. If it could be anything not just pics of women. Could be they watch a lot of movies, or play online games a lot. I wouldn't help pay for that.

                      I doubt you two probably don't live together and share expenses. Or plan to get married. When you get married then EVERYTHING is shared by both, even when the other pays for something, that's your $ too, You can already see how he would be in a marriage. Not respectful and doesn't care if it bothers you.
                      Whatís your point John?

                      The OPís bf follows women on fb and comments. Not much internet usage to do that. And at a minimal cost.
                      Are you seriously saying that if they shared internet cost that she has a right to tell him not to make comments on a fb post?
                      But itís ok to do so if he uses his mobile data ?
                      And vice versa??? Really???

                      As the site is coming to a close I want to nominate your post as the most ridiculous one ever. Sorry but it made me laugh so much !

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

                        I disagree with most of this.

                        The women in question want to be objectified. And he is simply doing that. That does not mean he objectifies all women , just the ones that want to be.

                        It does not mean that he thinks all women are inferior.
                        Chanelle do you think women that watch porn and enjoy the ogling means that they think all men are inferior??
                        Have you ever watched porn? And enjoyed it?

                        The OP and her bf are clearly not suited.
                        But that doesnít make him a bad guy nor that he canít find a compatible gf. He just isnít with one right now.

                        No offence meant Chanelle , but your husband could have a similar view to the OPís bf.
                        Just because he doesnít ogle on social media , doesnít mean he doesnít do it in real life.
                        If your husband has never watched porn or bought a top shelf mag , thatís only because you believe him when he says so.
                        He has!
                        Maggiemay4791 Well, I respectfully disagree with you. There is something wrong with this picture regarding ogling and leering at scantily clad women while professing to be true with all his heart and soul to his girlfriend. Something doesn't ring true and something is awfully insincere. It's just way off, abnormal, immoral and weird.

                        I think the boyfriend needs to have a girlfriend who doesn't mind his side habits of salivating over provocative women and inappropriate comments on social media. Or, he can immerse himself into his hobby staring at women on his FB page and the Internet and keep it at that.

                        Either the girlfriend needs to put up and shut up regarding her boyfriend as he is or get out and be with a man who has integrity, is good to her, trustworthy, honorable, respects her and is the type of man whom she can trust when no one is looking.

                        As for my husband, that was a cheap shot, Maggiemay479. I thought you were better than that. I hope I was not wrong.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by innocentnomore View Post
                          Thanks for all your replies. Yes he keeps saying no-one is going to change him and tell him what to do.And I know I can't change him ...however I want him to have a little understanding of how it feels to have your partner post such things along with the lustful comments he makes....but he doesn't understand at all......nor let me try to explain without shouting me down and getting defensive..However I came up with my own solution...I unfriended him...that way I don't get to see the posts...and won't have to worry! Short term solution...yes!
                          This is not a solution. It's denial!
                          You're just postponing the inevitable.

                          Is he a bad guy for looking at pictures and liking them? No.
                          Are you a bad person for not wanting him to? No!
                          You're both just incompatible.
                          You can't make him understand your side any more than he can make you understand that to him it's all harmless. Neither of you is wrong. You're just not a match.
                          How long do you think you have until this problem rears it's ugly head again some other way? You can't just ignore these kinds of differences. Some day the facts will be back to haunt you.
                          How much time and energy do you want to invest in a dead end relationship with someone who's this different from you?
                          Wake up honey.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by innocentnomore View Post
                            Thanks for all your replies. Yes he keeps saying no-one is going to change him and tell him what to do.And I know I can't change him ...however I want him to have a little understanding of how it feels to have your partner post such things along with the lustful comments he makes....but he doesn't understand at all......nor let me try to explain without shouting me down and getting defensive..However I came up with my own solution...I unfriended him...that way I don't get to see the posts...and won't have to worry! Short term solution...yes!
                            Nope, this is no solution. This is the way he is and probably the way he will always be. You either have to accept it or move on. Hiding from it is not going to help.
                            I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by chanelle View Post

                              Maggiemay4791 Well, I respectfully disagree with you. There is something wrong with this picture regarding ogling and leering at scantily clad women while professing to be true with all his heart and soul to his girlfriend. Something doesn't ring true and something is awfully insincere. It's just way off, abnormal, immoral and weird.

                              I think the boyfriend needs to have a girlfriend who doesn't mind his side habits of salivating over provocative women and inappropriate comments on social media. Or, he can immerse himself into his hobby staring at women on his FB page and the Internet and keep it at that.

                              Either the girlfriend needs to put up and shut up regarding her boyfriend as he is or get out and be with a man who has integrity, is good to her, trustworthy, honorable, respects her and is the type of man whom she can trust when no one is looking.

                              As for my husband, that was a cheap shot, Maggiemay479. I thought you were better than that. I hope I was not wrong.
                              ď while professing to be true with all his heart and soul to his girlfriendĒ
                              Did I miss something? Where in the thread does it say that?

                              I absolutely agree she needs to put up or up or shut up!
                              But he is not the devil you paint him to be.
                              You just simply have the same mindset as the op.

                              As for your husband. No it wasnít a cheap shot.
                              Why get so defensive about it?
                              Iím just saying that most if not all men have watched porn at some stage.
                              If or when you discover your husband did , would you call him a lech?

                              Comment

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