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Afraid of not finding the right one

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  • Afraid of not finding the right one

    I'm 28 and a half now, and while I had a bf who I thought was almost the one, I don't think we would be happy long term. I've thought about what might happen if I don't find a good man by the time I turn 33 (the latest I plan on waiting to become a mother). Has anyone else ever felt this way and what did you do about it? I would ideally like to be married by 30, so I'm really getting close and nervous.

  • #2
    There's a saying out there: Don't worry so much about finding the right one. Figure out first how to be the right one.

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    • #3
      Milena You're still a spring chicken, lady. Fret no more. Instead of seeking your dream guy, change the way you think. You need to become that "draw." Figure out what type of man you wish to attract.

      Work on yourself. Concentrate on your education, career, get on the fast track, get fit, focus on your physical and mental health. Exercise, diet, have interests, hobbies, join groups with alike interests and you will belong to those who are similar to you.

      If you want an empathetic man, be where they are. They do good works for others without fanfare, get involved in the community, do charitable activities, help the disadvantaged and they're unselfish. Observe how men treat others because this is a tell tell sign of what type of character they possess and how they will treat you someday.

      The type of man you want isn't fooling around at singles bars and up all night partying party after party. Men who are on the straight and narrow are serious about their lives and do things properly in order as mentioned above. If this is the type of man you want, then be like them in your own way. Believe me, if you do this, it will be automatic and you will attract the type of attention you want. Birds of a feather flock together.

      Never wallow in your own misery. Focus on yourself, become financially strong and independent which is supremely attractive. Men love financially independent, intelligent, kind women.

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      • #4
        Throw out your damn plan because you will never get a man like this. You'll end up a lonely spinster with anxiety problems all your life. Screw that certain ages crap. There is no cut off to when you can have children, it just starts getting risky in your late 30s-40s. Making plans to be a certain age when you do something NEVER works out. You cannot predict when you will meet a great guy and fall in love and you certainly can't force it. If you pressure a man early on he'll run for the hills. You're only 28, go with the flow, enjoy life and have fun for a change. Let it all happen naturally.
        ​​​​​
        Last edited by Dazed & Confused; February 27th, 2019, 08:54 AM.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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        • #5
          28 and a half???
          wow! You really are counting?
          I thought people stopped saying “and a half” at the age of 4???

          Just because you had an idea of what you want as a teenager , doesn’t mean that will eventuate. But holding onto that idea will ensure it doesn’t.

          When you date someone , initially imagine it will be short term. Stop thinking of them as a sperm donor.

          https://www.relationship-forums.com/...ge2#post583188

          Last edited by Maggiemay4791; February 27th, 2019, 04:24 AM.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
            I thought people stopped saying 'and a half' at the age of 4???
            Me too!


            As all the other posters have said, you're creating more problems by placing these deadlines on yourself.

            If you insist on being married and having kids quickly, you'll likely just end up rushing into something with someone who isn't right for you, and then you've got a potential divorce and child custody issues to deal with. Is that part of your life plan? I imagine not.

            Abandon the unnecessary deadlines and wait for the right person to marry and procreate with.
            Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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            • #7
              Thank you Rose and Chanelle for your advice. You're both wise and inspiring I am definitely going to work on myself as a main focus for this period in my life. I've done a lot of thinking and realized that aspect is all I can control anyway.

              And yes, 28 and a half *smiles*

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              • #8
                You just do you, hon.
                Everything else will fall into place. It may not be right on cue but it will be proportional to you and what you end up doing with your life/yourself.
                I didn't place much importance on a partner at my stage in life when my husband found me. I knew it'd be next to zero chances that my paths would cross with the man I knew would make me happy. I met a lot of men (and women). A handful were everything I thought was good except for 1% or something just didn't feel right. Along the way I learned to accept myself as a whole without lacking in anything. I learned to create my own happiness long before my husband showed up and I also found happiness in family. When he showed up, I had to adjust to fit him into my/our lives and it took doing. It's because I had already felt complete without him. We only compliment and encourage each other. You'll find the same when it's your time too. Just be ready not to find anyone at all. Go on and complete your entire life and do all the things that make you an entire person (or the person you see yourself as).

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