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Rock & A Hard Place

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  • Rock & A Hard Place

    Getting out of a 4 year relationship last year, I decided to get back out and see what is there for me. Well back in mid December, I ended up going on a "blind" date with this woman that was a Facebook friend of mine but we never formally spoke in person. When her friends set it up for me, I drove 2 hours to the next city to see her. That nigh I hit it off exceptionally well with her and her friends. So well that, by letting it flow naturally without pushing for it, we decided to become exclusive. She introduced me to her family and they all liked me right of the back. I took the grown man approach and introduced myself to her father as a man, and got his blessing for me to date his daughter. everything was so "perfect" but I knew better than that.

    The first sign of problems was Facebook. Im not serious about Facebook and Im rather a private person that dont upload pictures and info...she does...A LOT. She got mad and told her friends that I was trying to "hid" her because i didn't upload a picture of us on my page like she did mine but i DID NOT KNOW that she did. I explained to her my reasons of why I wasn't comfortable with that as if a break up was to happen then i would hate to keep deleting and re-uploading our pictures off and on as that would be highly annoying to our timelines. After all that, I decided to, for the FIRST time in my life, do so. That created a lot of problems. Then, her ex-fwb kept in contact with her at all weird times of the day and night and constantly bugged her. I calmly explained to her that im not a jealous person, but tell him to respect us of this will be a problem. She claimed to have blocked him and she asked me to do the same which i replied to her that as far as i knew, my most recent ex blocked me as I showed her proof through Facebook and whatnot. Problem is, other sources was giving me proof that she was still in contact with him. i tried to tell her but she though i was lying and didn't believe me. Ok cool. We went out to eat and she called me her ex's name at OUR date!? Ok...cool. I ended the date quickly as a means to show her that im not going to tolerate the disrespect. She tried to gaslight me and she dumped me and came back a few days later.

    Next, another problem was that my hair dresser that does my daughter hair wasn't available, so i contacted my ex on a sole purpose of doing my daughter hair for a special event. She obliged. few days later, she contacted my ex gf to tell her not to talk to me anymore. She didn't know that she did my daughter hair but when she told her she did she got mad at me and dumped me. but when I showed her ACTUAL proof of her still in contact with her ex...she blocked me from everything. She called me 3 days later with 4 pregnancy tests and cried and said she wanted it to work. I was skeptical about it but I decided to stand up for it. After we tried to make it work, she still throws that incident in my face and never let it go. all the while she is STILL in contact with him and I told her that wasn't right and we can move forward like this. She kept doing it. Then it got to the point to where she degrades me, call me out my name, tells me her fwb would be a better father than me, constantly compares me to him and everything. Then when the dust settles, she comes back and tells me she loves me and want to stay like nothing ever happened. I know its bullshit.

    Fast forward a bit, i didn't talk to her for almost 2 weeks to clear my head. We saw each other at the appointment on valentines day and from that point until 2 days ago it was a great time. She was still accusing me of cheating with her friends and my ex and just comes to find out she dumps me again and the VERY NEXT DAY she starts talking to her old fwb guy again and now she is in a "relationship". Its messing me up inside because im having a child with her but she wants control over everything...the relationship, the child names and everything and she refuses to let me be there. How can she just move on that fast like that?? How can she just block me from any input from my child like this? I seen a few signs and red flags but what else did I really miss?? I know she is no good for me but I do want her back but im lost. In hindsight, she was and still is VERY narcissistic ans has that avoidance attachment as well. Please help me get my mind and emotions in order!

  • #2
    Is she actually pregnant? If she is I'd question the paternity. This girl is seriously unstable and psychotic. What the hell are you doing with her? I wouldn't be surprised if she had been sleeping with that fwb guy all along. You know easily she has lied to you. Make sure you get a paternity test. Stay away from this nutcase.
    Last edited by Dazed & Confused; February 20th, 2019, 03:34 PM.
    I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

    Comment


    • #3
      To begin with your reason you gave her for not uploading pictures on fb was very damaging.
      Why did you not tell her the real reason , that being that you are a private person and donít use fb that much.

      Why tell her that itís because IF you break up it would be a pain in the ass for you because youíd have to delete her photos!???
      That is hardly instilling confidence in the relationship and tells her that you are uncertain about her.

      Then you make some pathetic move of walking out of a date early in some measly attempt to tell her you wonít tolerate her disrespting you by contact her other her ex.
      Yet you continue to date her despite her contact with him showing her that you will actually tolerate it.

      You tried to prove you werenít in contact with your ex by showing her she had blocked you.
      So how were you able to contact your ex? And why did you when you knew it would cause a problem?
      Call another hairdresser!

      All those things are things that YOU must accept responsibility for.

      As for her , well she sounds a bit crazy, controlling , low self esteem ,disrespectful etc
      So what exactly attracts YOU to her?

      You have only known her for 8 weeks.
      You donít actually know if she is pregnant.
      And if she is you donít actually know who the father is.

      Why were you having unprotected sex with someone you barely know and someone who is a nut job?

      Delete her from social media. If and when the time comes that she wants child support , refuse to do so until you get a paternity test done.

      Comment


      • #4
        I guess if you still have the hots for her, there's nothing really to do but run this one to the ground.
        I don't mean to sound so doom and gloom. As a mother, I'm just worried for your daughter and now having the young girl permanently attached to your new partner or a half sibling with a parent that is in turmoil. We could go back and forth about who did what wrong in the first place but I don't think that's helpful for you. My suggestion is to stop playing the blame game and rehashing what's already done and start formulating a less confusing frame of mind with regards to the unborn child and how you want to preserve your existing family and protect your daughter.

        Comment


        • #5
          Jspin88 There is nothing you can do about the past. Both of you are incompatible from day one. She is a major drama queen regarding social media and you were not upfront with her regarding your preferences for privacy. All in all she is a pain in the neck and very high maintenance.

          At this point, if you're the father of your unborn child, prepare for child support for the next several decades. Remain civil and be a good father. You don't have to have a close relationship with the mother but think of the child and do the best you can.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
            Is she actually pregnant? If she is I'd question the paternity. This girl is seriously unstable and psychotic. What the hell are you doing with her? I wouldn't be surprised if she had been sleeping with that fwb guy all along. You know easily she has lied to you. Make sure you get a paternity test. Stay away from this nutcase.
            Yes she actually is. She is 6 weeks this past Wednesday. We just had a huge argument on the phone about everything and now she sees my point but she is still moving on....oh well lol.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post
              To begin with your reason you gave her for not uploading pictures on fb was very damaging.
              Why did you not tell her the real reason , that being that you are a private person and donít use fb that much.

              Why tell her that itís because IF you break up it would be a pain in the ass for you because youíd have to delete her photos!???
              That is hardly instilling confidence in the relationship and tells her that you are uncertain about her.

              Then you make some pathetic move of walking out of a date early in some measly attempt to tell her you wonít tolerate her disrespting you by contact her other her ex.
              Yet you continue to date her despite her contact with him showing her that you will actually tolerate it.

              You tried to prove you werenít in contact with your ex by showing her she had blocked you.
              So how were you able to contact your ex? And why did you when you knew it would cause a problem?
              Call another hairdresser!

              All those things are things that YOU must accept responsibility for.

              As for her , well she sounds a bit crazy, controlling , low self esteem ,disrespectful etc
              So what exactly attracts YOU to her?

              You have only known her for 8 weeks.
              You donít actually know if she is pregnant.
              And if she is you donít actually know who the father is.

              Why were you having unprotected sex with someone you barely know and someone who is a nut job?

              Delete her from social media. If and when the time comes that she wants child support , refuse to do so until you get a paternity test done.
              I actually did tell her the whole reason including me being a private person...but she wouldn't bulge from it at all. She kept going with it..

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                I guess if you still have the hots for her, there's nothing really to do but run this one to the ground.
                I don't mean to sound so doom and gloom. As a mother, I'm just worried for your daughter and now having the young girl permanently attached to your new partner or a half sibling with a parent that is in turmoil. We could go back and forth about who did what wrong in the first place but I don't think that's helpful for you. My suggestion is to stop playing the blame game and rehashing what's already done and start formulating a less confusing frame of mind with regards to the unborn child and how you want to preserve your existing family and protect your daughter.
                Well said. I will have to do that.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Jspin88 View Post

                  Yes she actually is. She is 6 weeks this past Wednesday. We just had a huge argument on the phone about everything and now she sees my point but she is still moving on....oh well lol.
                  So she became pregnant 2 weeks after you first met her?
                  How certain are you that there was no overlap with this fwb?

                  I suggest you get tested for stiís and I suggest you assume the unborn baby is not yours until proven otherwise.

                  Comment

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