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  • Problem with my Manager

    I've worked for the same small company for nearly 14 years as a secretary. We have two company directors (male) and an office manager (female). Every member of staff (about 15 people) hate her because she is a nasty bully. During my first few years I was the one she bullied and treated like shit, until she moved on to others. She speaks to everyone like shit, treats everyone like shit and bitches about everyone behind their backs. She's very emotionally unstable. He language is atrocious and she used to be rather racist until one of the directors told her off for it. If she comes into the office in a bad mood (which is most days) then she will treat people like shit. Rudely snapping at us for no reason. She ruins every Christmas party. She gets very sexually suggestive with younger male staff. She pushed it too far with me one Christmas by constantly shouting and swearing at me for no reason and one of the directors witnessed her treatment. He admitted he could see it now and I told him she has been this way for years. Nothing was done about it. Both directors know what she is like and have received many complaints but they have never said a word to her. She was overly nice to me upon returning after that Xmas. There are sooooo many things that she has done over the years, ie, company gave me tickets to a sports match a few years ago and she was pissed. She told me not to come back. Today was horrendous. We have alot of snowfall last night but we all made it into work no problem but there was no word from her. Director and a member of staff tried calling her but no answer. They asked me to send her a text but no response. She turned up over 2 hours late. She snapped at me, then bitched about me to another member of staff with me right in front of her. She said one of the directors knew she would be late due to a doctors appointment but we all keep sending her stupid txt msgs. I told her this director never told anyone and that they were just concerned due to bad weather conditions. She screamed (literally) over and over that's its confidential. I lost it a bit and snapped at her saying it doesn't give her an excuse to come in and treat every like shit. She screamed at the top of her voice to piss off. I went upstairs to the top canteen and broke down in tears. I had never been so furious in my life. The directors girlfriend also works there and I talked with her in front of him about what the manager did. She made me a cup of tea and we talked until I calmed. It really got to me today though and I've been on and off crying all day. As expected, director did nothing. When I returned downstairs she apologised, not for how she treated but for us having a row, then she asked me to apologise, which I didn't. She was freakishly nice to me all afternoon, like she got scared that she had pushed it too far again. I really wish I could get another job and I've been looking, but I can't find anything that offers the hours I need to worked around getting my daughter too and from school. I'm a dead end with this woman. She gets away with everything and the directors do nothing. I feel sooooo miserable there.
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    Last edited by Dazed & Confused; February 1st, 2019, 05:06 PM.
    I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

  • #2
    It seems that she backed off a bit when you stood up to her. Maybe that's what you need to do occasionally to let her know that you don't appreciate her abuse.

    Only next time, don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know it affected you. Be firm but not hysterical. Say something like, "Look, Marion, I don't appreciate being yelled at like that. If it continues, I'm going to have to file a complaint with the (corporate or head person). Please show some respect." And then be cordial to her.

    If nothing is done about her, then your best bet is to ignore the hell out of her.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Dazed & Confused I'm so sorry you're going through this. I understand how hard it is to earn every penny of your paycheck and all the _____ you must endure in order to earn a living. I know it's awful because I've experienced it even though my story is not the same as yours.

      I agree with Sarah. She gave a wise answer.

      If there's one thing I've since learned about unreasonable human nature is that you can't control others and certain circumstances. All you can is shift gears, rethink your strategy, control yourself by how you choose to react or not react to them. No matter how much your blood boils, you have to exercise self-control otherwise even though you mean well, it could cause an already fragile, damaged relationship to grow from bad to worse.

      As for your psycho co-worker, as Sarah said, you can speak up with calmness, use a non-emotional voice, refrain from foul language and exercise diplomacy all the while. As Sarah said, just speak to her plainly albeit firmly so she'll get the message. And as Sarah said, if that doesn't work, you're going to have to ignore her, bite your tongue and look the other way. Keep the peace for the good of the whole.

      Bide your time at your current job and in the meantime, on your own time, quietly look for another place of employment. There is another job out there for you. You just have to remain patient because it takes time to find your perfect fit. Hang in there D&C and chin up.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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      • #4
        I'm the unfortunate one and the only one that has to sit in the same vacinity as her. I've learned to switch off a majority of the time. If I were to write everything she has ever done it would be a few pages of text. She also insulted my husband today calling him a fat ugly f... ker. I'm baffled how she gets away with this behavior.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

        Comment


        • #5
          I'd drop the swords between the both of you and remain very neutral towards her. Give her a wide berth and don't give in to any office gossip. Don't text her next time despite the director asking you to do so and I'd be frank about her behaviour being unacceptable. I'm guessing she has health and personal issues that don't involve the rest of you so don't take it personally if she's just nasty. I also suspect the directors know a lot more about her personal life than they let on and are letting her be because of personal issues. It's not an excuse for her behaviour but don't take part in any of it and stay busy.

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          • #6
            You also should start documenting everything she does and says. Day, time, issue, etc. It might come in handy.
            "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
              I'm the unfortunate one and the only one that has to sit in the same vacinity as her. I've learned to switch off a majority of the time. If I were to write everything she has ever done it would be a few pages of text. She also insulted my husband today calling him a fat ugly f... ker. I'm baffled how she gets away with this behavior.
              She gets away with it because you allow her to get away with it. You should have gotten in her face when she said that about your husband and said, "Who the hell do you think you are to say something like that to me?" Tell her you're going to file a harassment claim against her.
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                I'm the unfortunate one and the only one that has to sit in the same vacinity as her. I've learned to switch off a majority of the time. If I were to write everything she has ever done it would be a few pages of text. She also insulted my husband today calling him a fat ugly f... ker. I'm baffled how she gets away with this behavior.
                Dazed & Confused I'm surprised she was hired in the first place. I hope someone can secretly videotape her and she needs to be reported to HR. She needs to get fired, pack up her belongings in a cardboard box and exit the door.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Start keeping a record of everything she does and says that’s out of order.
                  Dont let anyone know you are doing this and keep the records at home not in the office.

                  As Sarah said. Stand up to her each and every time.

                  As for the the text I wouldn’t have said “we were concerned “ , I would have said , “I was quite happy for you not to come in , the text wasn’t from me , it was from the director, take your grievances for his concern up with him” And walk away.

                  Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Your job is safe. Since she remains in her position despite her bullying ,they aren’t going to dismiss you so easily.

                  And if she complains about you to the directors , you will have evidence to present them with if you keep taking note of everything that goes on.

                  Good luck!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I've been documenting for the past year. I kept a diary and a whole greivience list ready. I have a printed research document that lists all the signs that your manager is a bully. She exhibits every one of them. I also have sometimes set my phone on voice record while I've left the room to see if I can catch something incriminating. She plays the victim. Many of us have made complaints in the hope that the directors would have words, but they do absolutely nothing. We don't have a HR department unfortunately as it is a small company. She is also the accounts manager. I have everything ready for an official complaint. I think I give her too many chances.
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                    Last edited by Dazed & Confused; February 1st, 2019, 07:40 PM.
                    I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Good you have records but hold off using them yet.

                      Try firstly to stand up to her over the next few weeks. See if it makes any difference and record all that too.

                      To go to the directors without first trying to do that , might not have the same impact as if you go to the directors with evidence that you tried to rectify the situation.

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                      • #12
                        Will do, thank you Maggie, and thank you to the other lovely ladies here. Its helped talking about it and getting some of my frustrations about her off my chest x
                        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                          I've been documenting for the past year. I kept a diary and a whole greivience list ready. I have a printed research document that lists all the signs that your manager is a bully. She exhibits every one of them. I also have sometimes set my phone on voice record while I've left the room to see if I can catch something incriminating. She plays the victim. Many of us have made complaints in the hope that the directors would have words, but they do absolutely nothing. We don't have a HR department unfortunately as it is a small company. She is also the accounts manager. I have everything ready for an official complaint. I think I give her too many chances.
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                          Dazed & Confused Yes, I agree with you. Work on this case and build up a ton of evidence. You need to get rid of her as in yesterday!
                          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Firstly, D&C, I'm very sorry you're going through such a terrible experience at work especially considering you have your family to look out for and the number of years you've spent at this place. What I'm about to write is not to make you more upset or discourage you but only to help you think through this more logically and speaking from a managerial standpoint or from the pov of the directors.

                            I am not meaning to sound unsupportive here but what makes you think any of this record keeping or lists will make a difference? This is a small company which means that the directors are not far removed from all the ongoings. Considering one of the directors is dating another employee (the same one who comforted you), I don't think any of this is unbeknownst to them. When you say that you are building up to make an official complaint, to whom are you making that complaint to? Are you prepared to take it to court or file for harassment or workplace bullying (ie engaging with the laws in your area)? Do you know the laws in your area? How would this affect your current position in the company and what would your directors have to say about it? You would be be at loggerheads with them ultimately (the same people who issue your paycheques and the same people who are already very aware of what's going on).

                            The reasoning behind what I'm saying is:
                            1) There's a strong likelihood the directors know everything that's going on and (for their own reasons) are not willing to make any moves.
                            2) Their lack of action probably is for a reason (unknown to you and the other staff).

                            Lastly your coworker sounds rude and overdramatic but I don't think the gossiping helps either (I'm referring to the potential issues with other employees like sexual harassment which you seem to have information about but really has nothing to do with you). Keep in mind also that while you may be making a case out for her, she may be well aware of the growing tension and the directors are also very aware about wrongful dismissal or discrimination based on behavioural or psychological stress. There is also the issue about who is to replace her role if she is both the office manager and the accounts manager. Do you think you could do her job? Why not? If you're going to plan to move her out, why not incorporate a new career plan and advance your role? You'll be taking two birds with one stone and may be a lot happier too. Just a thought.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You're absolutely right Rose, they know everything she does. They are fully aware of her behavior and do nothing about it. This is why I've held off so long doing anything myself because I know it won't really go anywhere. Some of my colleagues have theorised that maybe she has some incriminating information on one of the directors. It's known that there have been dodgy deals in accounts so perhaps this is why they do nothing.


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                              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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