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  • Step back into moving on

    So I had written a while back saying I came to the US on a 1.5 year assignment. Met this guy who was my neighbor and after a few months of dating he moved to my apartment as company paid for mine and we were running back and forth from his to mine. So during those 4 months we lived together everything was good, we never had arguments. Long story short I was told one day after those 1.5 year I was going back, so there was no chance to get something permanent here to be able to stay. I was sad and told him, he was sad. I shut down and then as I was not talking he took it bad, he couldn't handle it and came up with excuses saying my dog shedding was a problem so I asked why in 4 months he never said anything until now. Then fine I asked if there was anything else that bothered him and he said my weight, not because of how I looked but because it was not healthy.......that is when I pretty much asked him to move out because how would I be able to be intimate with him after that comment. What I do think was ironic is that is ex wife was like 3 times me. And I'm 145 pounds so it's not like I am huge either but I had gain 10 pounds.

    Anyway he moved and I stopped hearing from him except one day I got mail for him which was a phone case he had order. So I left it out and he came to pick it up.

    It was hard to move on, I asked him to leave not becuse I didn't love him but because I was very hurt. Anyway 4 months after breaking up he sent me a text a couple days ago saying he was glad to see I was able to take my dog back to my country, that he is sorry if he hurt me because that was not his intention, that he hopes I had a good experince while I was here and wish the best in my life, that he will remember our time together with fondness......so now here I am again thinking of him.....I wish things would have been different.

    And in order to know about my dog...he must have been stalking my Facebook profile. I just replied to him thank you for the good wishes that I did have a great time here and hoped him and his dog were good.

    Now I just need to move on....I've been doing the paperwork to buy a home in my country so I've focused my energy on that and buying things to furnish the place. I'm hoping once I move back for good next month on the 13th, I will leave this behind.


  • #2
    What is your question?

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    • #3
      epas3012 It's good that you're moving forward with your life. It's a positive sign to buy your home, furnish it and start anew. Congratulations! It is an achievement to be financially independent and strong which is commendable.

      Give yourself time to leave the past behind. I know I did. It will take months but once you delve into your new life, the old life becomes a blur including people from your past. You have the right attitude.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
        What is your question?
        No question, just taking it out of me I guess.
        I had sort of stopped thinking about him until he sent that message.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by chanelle View Post
          epas3012 It's good that you're moving forward with your life. It's a positive sign to buy your home, furnish it and start anew. Congratulations! It is an achievement to be financially independent and strong which is commendable.

          Give yourself time to leave the past behind. I know I did. It will take months but once you delve into your new life, the old life becomes a blur including people from your past. You have the right attitude.
          Thank you, I try.....I obviously think more about him since that text but oh well. I think once I move back to my country and stop seeing this place where he lived with me, it will get better.

          On a side note I've been working out and just like a friend told me...do it for yourself and not for what he said....which in a way I am but obviously for his comment as it was very hurtful to me.

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          • #6

            epas3012 He most likely said those mean comments about your weight because he was in a bad mood upon your news that you were going back to your country. Suddenly, he had to scramble and think of his housing. Life wasn't going to be as easy living independently. People say mean comments whenever life is no longer smooth sailing. It is human nature. He was in the "misery loves company" mindset. Since he couldn't rise up to your level, he had to drag you down by saying something unkind to make you feel unhappy, too.

            It just goes to show you that you don't really know a man until you see his dark, moody side. A man (or everyone) is nice when life is smooth, carefree and worry-free. Then when stress hits, suddenly a man (or people) become mean by saying something snide and hurtful. You finally know a man when he shows his true colors to you or the ugly side to his character.

            It's good that you asked him to leave because you don't deserve to be treated with disrespect.

            It was a surprise that he texted you a couple of days ago and since his text was peaceful, it was good.

            You have a new life now with new house, furnishings and a new beginning. The more you immerse yourself into these positive changes, the better you will be.

            It's positive news that you've been exercising and getting fit. With diet and exercise, you will feel much better physically which will give you mental clarity. Sound body, sound mind.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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            • #7
              Originally posted by epas3012 View Post

              No question, just taking it out of me I guess.
              I had sort of stopped thinking about him until he sent that message.
              Chanelle is right, those mean things weren't meant to hurt you. He was lashing out in anger and sadness. His message though was the closure between you. It's all done. Time to move on and put him out of your mind. Best of luck.
              I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!

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              • #8
                Feeling down is fine. Being taken aback by an unexpected correspondence is fine too but do keep going and don't dwell on the past. You might want to check on the privacy settings of your social media and take that opportunity to revise those settings. He shouldn't have access to your private life and I don't feel it's appropriate that he is reaching out to you at this point considering the circumstances. Since he already has, seek to limit those instances reoccurring. Emphasize more respect between the both of you and give yourselves room to grow separately permanently from now onwards.

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