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My boyfriend is tired of me :( please help!! I dont want to lose him

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  • My boyfriend is tired of me :( please help!! I dont want to lose him

    Hi, well my boyfriend and l are together 7 months only, but l guess it has ups and downs like all relations, he is the sweetest boy in the world, but like every human will always get tired when there is a lot of dramas, and so well he is american and am from ecuador, and l guess he loves me cos he does everything for me and tries to never make me mad, he has been spoiling me a lot, and l am so insecure person, l mean am sure that he wouldnt cheat on me, but the fact of him liking other women or talking to other girls even if its not bad, makes me feel so bad and anxious, he barely has any girl friends, he has dropped his girlfriends for me, but he wants to keep some of em, l get mad when he talks to her, l know there is nothing to worry about between them, but l dont know why l feel so bad when he talks to her, l just cant understand myself, am so sad because he is so chill, and easy going, and yesterday we had a big fight, he use to call me all the afternoons, we dont live together, and l work and go to school in the afternoons so l can just see him on weekends, and so he calls me everyday, almost all the time, and then bfore yesterday he was telling me about something that happened in his work, and he was feeling down, so l didnt really give it so much importance, but he was acting weird, and then he didnt call me as usual, and so l was so angry cos he didnt really feel to talk, and well it ended up fighting, he doesnt like when l fight, he says l fuck him up because l yell and l cry, a lot, he says that with me he has discovered this part of his personality that he never seen before which is yell to someone back or get so angry, he said he hasnt yelled someone ever bfore he met me, and it makes me feel so bad because l know he is putting up so much with my shit, and no one will be able to do it, but am so spoiled, l get mad when he doesnt talk to me, he says that we dont need to talk all the time, that he also wants to do something else besides being on the phone non stop, but am not capable to do that, and sctually most of the times we run out of topics and we just stay on phone without saying anything, he tried to break up with me yesterday, he never broke up with me before, and so is something am stuck now, l cant stop thinking about it, i cant get over it, l just remember his words over n over saying yes l want to break up because am tired, l tried, and the truth is that yes he tried! He alwAys does whatever l want, he never starts fights, the things is that he is not the problem! I am the problem and l am so sad now because l dont wanna lose him, he said that all he wants is me to act right, and not make dramas, not big fights, he wants me to be able to control my temperament, and be able to explain myself without yelling or crying, but the problem is that when l get mad l forget about everything and l just explode! Am too impulsive, l love this guy a lot, but l think sometimes l cant change! Is not easy to stop being insecure!! I want to be able to let him talk to other girls, like a normal relation and actually thats why all my past relationships have failed because of this, because am too manipulative, controlling, obsessive and possesive, l dont wanna be like this because l will just end up alone, l dont want to feel anxious or insecure anymore l feel my life is going and l feel so miserable am harming myself, mentally, am so exhausted to be like this, l feel so depressed because am not only making my life
    misrable but his life miserable too! He said l used to live my life thinking what makes me happy! Now am living a live thinking what wont make you mad!! He told me this today!!!! Well this is a part of my story l hope someone can help me, many people have given me advices but it just doesnt work, l need to really change or l will not lose only my boyfriend but everyone! I hate my attitude am too negative!! Iíve been always like this
    @healthy @relationships
    Last edited by Nicoandre; January 13th, 2019, 01:03 AM. Reason: I need help before l lose my lovely boyfriend

  • #2
    This relationship wonít work and neither will any relationship you enter because you need to be single for a significant amount of time while seeking counselling for your insecurity , low self esteem , childish reactions etc etc
    Its a pity you didnít do this before you met him , but you need to do it before dating another.

    I suggest you end it and start the self evaluating process.
    He has been flexible , compromised etc but nothing he will ever do will e good enough until you have him completely isolated and miserable.

    Because of your issues, you have become extremely controlling and obsessive.

    He is walking on egg shells.

    For the record ups and downs and occasional fights are normal within a relationship but it is NOT normal within the honeymoon phase. You have ONLY been together 7 months. It takes at least that to get to know the other and decide if worth pursuing.
    He has decided not to.

    Tell him you understand why and let him go.
    He deserves better and you have agreed.

    Good luck!

    Comment


    • #3
      You need professional help because you are not going to change your ways without it. You are destroying this poor guy. You are causing so many problems for him personally and he became a person he did not like because of you so I strongly think you should let him go and work through your issues with a counsellor. If you don't seek this help, he won't live his life being treated so appallingly by you and he has already rightly given up because your obsessive behavior. You made him make so many sacrifices for you so I think you should do something in return by giving him so space and getting the psychiatric help you need.
      Last edited by Dazed & Confused; January 13th, 2019, 01:39 PM.

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      • #4
        Nicoandre If you don't want to lose him, grow up, mature and start acting like a lady. You're a major drama queen and you're pushing him away. Don't be surprised when he leaves you permanently. Stop the rants and tirades, poor guy. Show him respect. Give him respect and your relationship can have a chance to survive. If not, do the guy a favor and let him go so he can be happy with another lady who will treat him right.

        Stop being so paranoid and learn to relax. You're making your boyfriend nervous, stressed and it's no wonder he's avoiding you.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

        Comment


        • #5
          Well yes l guess l need help from a professional! Iíve talked to him and he said he is not ready to drop me but he is definitely acting different, distant like l feel he is really tired, i wonder how it happened in one day only bc 3 days ago he was fine, everything was fine is not like everything started happening frim long time ago!! I want to be better for me b for him, l dont wanna lose him but is so hard to stop being anxious all the time thibking that he doesnt want to be with me as much as he did before, that makes me sad am really so sad, l want to act right but is like l feel he is kinda away and is like he doesnt encourage me to act right, l dont want to act rught by pressure or under conditions or with threats l want to focus on my things l dont even know if its possible to change geez well the thing is that he really wants to be with me he said he loves me but he said if l dont start acting right he is gonna give up

          Comment


          • #6
            Nicoandre If your boyfriend lacks enthusiasm and not willing to do his part in putting forth the effort to make the relationship thrive, you can't force it nor him.

            It's not his job to encourage you to act right. It's YOUR job to change your ways for the better. You're the one who has to figure out how to act right meaning exercise self-control, think before you speak & write, don't say nor write anything you'll regret later, don't cause trouble, don't engage in back 'n forth arguments & fighting, be a pleasant, easy-going person to get along with. Don't be difficult and complicated. Remain calm, poised and don't be such a hot head. Cool off and be intelligent. No guy likes a high-maintenance woman who gives him nothing but undue stress and angst. Practice being a gracious person. If he observes a change in you over time, perhaps you'll win his trust in you again. It takes a long time of outstanding behavior to make another person trust that you won't have volatile, belligerent, impulsive behaviors again or anymore.

            You will push him away permanently unless you grow up, mature, think carefully and act with grace from now on. You can do it! Change the way you think, pray and ask for strength and wisdom and become a different, compatible person.
            "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Nicoandre View Post
              Well yes l guess l need help from a professional! Iíve talked to him and he said he is not ready to drop me but he is definitely acting different, distant like l feel he is really tired, i wonder how it happened in one day only bc 3 days ago he was fine, everything was fine is not like everything started happening frim long time ago!! I want to be better for me b for him, l dont wanna lose him but is so hard to stop being anxious all the time thibking that he doesnt want to be with me as much as he did before, that makes me sad am really so sad, l want to act right but is like l feel he is kinda away and is like he doesnt encourage me to act right, l dont want to act rught by pressure or under conditions or with threats l want to focus on my things l dont even know if its possible to change geez well the thing is that he really wants to be with me he said he loves me but he said if l dont start acting right he is gonna give up
              I can guarantee you that everything was NOT fine 3 days ago. This HAS been going on for a while because according to your post you fight allot, you cry allot, you yell at him allot, you demand things allot. So no, everything has NOT been fine. He has changed because he no longer feels the same about you and he WILL leave soon. He is already half way out the door. I hope he does leave because he doesn't deserve to be treated like that.
              Last edited by Dazed & Confused; January 14th, 2019, 06:04 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Nicoandre View Post
                Well yes l guess l need help from a professional!
                Yes. Yes you do.
                So have you made an appointment with a therapist yet?
                If not, why not??
                You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Nicoandre View Post
                  Well yes l guess l need help from a professional! Iíve talked to him and he said he is not ready to drop me but he is definitely acting different, distant like l feel he is really tired, i wonder how it happened in one day only bc 3 days ago he was fine, everything was fine is not like everything started happening frim long time ago!! I want to be better for me b for him, l dont wanna lose him but is so hard to stop being anxious all the time thibking that he doesnt want to be with me as much as he did before, that makes me sad am really so sad, l want to act right but is like l feel he is kinda away and is like he doesnt encourage me to act right, l dont want to act rught by pressure or under conditions or with threats l want to focus on my things l dont even know if its possible to change geez well the thing is that he really wants to be with me he said he loves me but he said if l dont start acting right he is gonna give up
                  3 days ago he wasnít fine.
                  3 days ago he ACTED fine only.

                  He doesnít want to be with you. He wants to be with the person you pretended to be 5 or 7 months ago. Thatís who he loves. But the reality is that he doesnít love the current you. Sorry!

                  Leave him and get help. He is going to leave you regardless. He is just getting used to the idea.
                  Do yourself a favour! Be single and work on this while not with anyone .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi there, you are not alone in trying to change areas of your life that are destructive. We each have to deal with making choices all the time. Right? I believe half the battle with life is in realizing when we are wrong; and, then in making the changes necessary to correct it. I like to ask myself questions like, “where is this coming from?”, “Is this something that I can control?” or “Is this valid, or is it just a feeling that I am experiencing?” When I ask myself these questions, then I can look at the situation a little differently. For me, I have found balance in my emotions through meditating, music, or reading scripture verses. When I changed my response to my behavior, my life changed too. But, I didn’t know how to do that before I spent time reading the Bible. If I tell people some of the things that I used to do in my life, I often hear – “No, WAY.” The reason they say that is because my life was transformed, by learning the correct responses. I hope this helps you.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thank you for those that have been patient to me! And for those who are just cruel!! Well l didnt write my story in this forum for you to judge me!! Anyway l tried breaking up with him but he doesnt want, l know am just totally sick, and am hurting myself, a lot, it makes me so sad because l feel that l will never get to be in a relationship that will actually work, cos the same problem is just coming up!! Am really tired not only because of this but because of everything, l feel like am so exhausted of living, n mentally and phisically, is not only about my relationship, but everyday and my situation, anyway he doesnt want to break up, he just wants
                      me to change, l know no one can promise u a forever love, even if they do many thngs can happen but l just dont want to keep trying, am tired and l feel l dont have energy! Am sad bc l know he is a good boy and l wish he could stay always, but l dont know l hate myself so bad, so bad i feel l cant get anything good, or done! My life is so imcomplete

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Nicoandre View Post
                        Thank you for those that have been patient to me! And for those who are just cruel!! Well l didnt write my story in this forum for you to judge me!! Anyway l tried breaking up with him but he doesnt want, l know am just totally sick, and am hurting myself, a lot, it makes me so sad because l feel that l will never get to be in a relationship that will actually work, cos the same problem is just coming up!! Am really tired not only because of this but because of everything, l feel like am so exhausted of living, n mentally and phisically, is not only about my relationship, but everyday and my situation, anyway he doesnt want to break up, he just wants
                        me to change, l know no one can promise u a forever love, even if they do many thngs can happen but l just dont want to keep trying, am tired and l feel l dont have energy! Am sad bc l know he is a good boy and l wish he could stay always, but l dont know l hate myself so bad, so bad i feel l cant get anything good, or done! My life is so imcomplete
                        Have you booked a counselling session ?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The same problem keeps cropping up because YOU havenít changed your thoughts and behaviour.
                          You think people are being cruel? No one has been.
                          You will realise that when you have your first psych appt.
                          In fact show this thread to them.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Nicoandre View Post
                            Thank you for those that have been patient to me! And for those who are just cruel!! Well l didnt write my story in this forum for you to judge me!! Anyway l tried breaking up with him but he doesnt want, l know am just totally sick, and am hurting myself, a lot, it makes me so sad because l feel that l will never get to be in a relationship that will actually work, cos the same problem is just coming up!! Am really tired not only because of this but because of everything, l feel like am so exhausted of living, n mentally and phisically, is not only about my relationship, but everyday and my situation, anyway he doesnt want to break up, he just wants
                            me to change, l know no one can promise u a forever love, even if they do many thngs can happen but l just dont want to keep trying, am tired and l feel l dont have energy! Am sad bc l know he is a good boy and l wish he could stay always, but l dont know l hate myself so bad, so bad i feel l cant get anything good, or done! My life is so imcomplete

                            Nicoandre Firstly, your paranoia is off the chart because no one has been cruel at all and i think that is very unfair of you to say. Everyone here has offered their advise and suggestions to help you. Just because some of us tell you what the reality of your problems are and what you need to do about it does not mean we are being cruel. The only one being cruel is YOU, to HIM and US. You want your relationship with him to work and get better? Then get the counselling that everyone has suggested. We don't say it for fun. Although i get the feeling that you have no intention of getting the help we suggested, so prepare yourself for when everything falls apart.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You have a right to dictate what kind of man you want to date and if you don't want to date a socialite, a lady's man or a womanizer or a man with female friends for that matter, you should remain true to yourself and don't ever settle for a man who is less.

                              You mentioned in your opening post that he's so "chill". What the fuck does that mean? It may be exactly the reason why you DON'T feel comfortable around him. It's because he doesn't appear to have any boundaries or limits. This is a red flag.

                              Move on, sister. You deserve better and he needs someone on his wavelength. You do NOT need to put up with a man like this.

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