Hello!
I find myself in a hard and hurtful situation and I cannot get through this on my own. I am seeking the advice of anyone who can help.
Short Story:
My ex broke up with with no indication of getting back together. She wanted nothing to do with me. She refused to talk to me and repeatedly said that she was through with me. Broken and hurt, I allowed myself to get into a non-emotional sexual encounter with another girl. Something I regretted immediately and left quickly. My ex decided to rekindle things between us the next morning. After we're got back together, she left me when she found out what I did. I want her back. I love her and have never felt this way with anyone else.
Questions:
What should I do to try to win her back? Am I really the evil guy for making this mistake during this breakup period? Am I the only one to blame? Is there even a possibility that things could work themselves out?
Long & Detailed Version:
For privacy concerns, I changed the names in the story. My name is John Smith and my girlfriend’s name is Jane Doe. I found the perfect girl 2 years and 8 months ago. We are both in the Army; however she is in the enlisted ranks and I am in the officer ranks. Because of the policies set in place within our organization, we have kept our relationship a secret. During this time, we experienced our share of issues and heartbreaks. She broke up with a few times in our relationship but I would always bring us back together. Never once did I feel I would lose her. She is the love of my life and no issue could keep us apart. A few days ago (Monday), an issue set in that tore us apart. She wanted to take my dog to work with her during an 8 hour shift to which I was uncomfortable with the idea. My dog, Leia, is a pitbull-golden retriever mix and is the gentlest dog around.
However, I did not trust the kids my girlfriend worked with as she works with troubled youth on the military base I work on. I explained that dogs are not allowed on base, Leia is not registered, she shouldn’t be around kids, and the 8+ hour shift is a long time period for a 2 year old dog to be out and about. I told her I was uncomfortable with the situation. My girlfriend told me in an angry manner that I did not trust her to take care of my dog and that I did not trust her judgement. I explained that that was not the case. She insisted that I did not trust her and that she couldn’t be with someone that she couldn’t trust and that we are over with. She broke up with (via a phone conversation) right there. I tried calling her back and she kept hanging up on me. She sent me a text explaining that we are finished because I cannot trust her and that she wanted nothing to do with me. I decided to try calling her back some time later hoping that she was clam and more collected, but when she answered, she was a different person; one that I had never met. She answered shouting the following (on speaker), “Captain Smith! This is very inappropriate. It is inappropriate to call me on my personal number to talk about your problems.” This response from her took me by surprise as we have done everything to hide our military status from others. She said this in a public place and put me on the spot. All I could do was hang up. For some reason, this break up was different than the other ones. I had a strong sense that we were completely done and there was no going back. My heart was broken and I was in a serious dark place mentally and emotionally.
That night (Monday night), I decided to bring flowers to her place of work so that when she got off work we could talk through these issues as adults. I waited for her and upon seeing her get into her car, she decided to drive over to the base bar and relief her stress. I wanted outside with my flowers, as I did not want to cause drama inside the bar. When she wasn’t coming out after an hour, I decided to leave her flowers in her car where she would see them as soon as she entered her car (she always leaves her doors unlocked). As I get back into my car, I see her walk outside and towards her car with another man. I immediately get knots in my stomach as I assumed the worse. The guy drives her car away and I assume she is in the passenger seat. I left the base to go home; distraught from what I saw and the thoughts that developed thereafter. I was not only crying, but yelling in my car out of frustration, depression, and sorrow. I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. On the way home, I decided to send a message to an ex-girlfriend of mine via Instagram. I was looking for someone to talk to, someone to tell me I didn’t cause any of this. My ex decided to meet up with me and while on the way to see her, I received a phone call from Jane Doe. She is intoxicated beyond belief and slurring her words. I asked if she was ok, and if she was at home. She said no, that she was going to sleep at the base where she worked. I told her I would come by and take her home and take care of her. She said no, and reminded me that we could not be together. It was at this point that I was asking for 10mins of her time, in person the following morning, to explain myself and prove to her via actions how much I love her and that I want to be with her.
Instead of saying anything, a stranger’s voice comes on the phone (a male’s voice) and starts saying “get off the phone” and moves the phone out of her hand. The next sounds I hear are muffled noises. Again, my knots are back in my stomach. I decided to meet up with my ex. I started regretting meeting up with her before I see her. I felt guilty about seeing her. Once we met, we started talking, trying to get my mind off what I was feeling. The issue was, my ex kissed me. I felt uncomfortable about it and guilty but that didn’t stop what came next. After we finished having sex (which was quick and void of emotion), I wanted to rush her home as I felt terrible about what I did. I took her home from the spot we met at and I rushed home to shower and cleanse my body of my shame. I regretted everything and fell asleep that way (it was now Tuesday at 1am). I woke up in the morning at 8am to a phone call from Jane Doe. She wanted to know if I was interested in meeting up for breakfast. She was going to give me my 10mins that I had been begging for but she had denied the prior day. I went to the IHOP where she was at and we rekindled our relationship. I was walking on water but felt guilty about my actions with my ex. Once I got home, I received a message from my ex via Instagram regarding a conversation we had after our meet up. She said that she was going to take a pill to avoid any “surprises.” An hour later, I get a call from Jane Doe crying and screaming at me. When she got home, she decided to get into my social media accounts to “checkup” on me and saw these messages to my ex. She screamed at me for cheating on me and another fight ensued. I drove to her house to try to resolve these issues but once there she wanted nothing to do with me. I told her I did not cheat on her and that I would never cheat on her. I was talking from a technical standpoint.
Did she know I was lying about sleeping with my ex? Yes, but I was talking from a relationship standpoint. That night, she posts on Facebook that I cheated on her with my ex and how bad of a guy I am. She tags me in it in hopes of hurting me professionally. She calls my family and friends and spreads the word. I was already beating myself up over my actions as I felt guilty for being with my ex and I regretted it before, during, and after. My mind was just in a dark place that I was making bad decisions. Later that night, she comes over to my house to find closure. She wanted details on what I did. I decided to stop lying and tell her everything. I told her how I felt, what I was going through, what I thought, how I was broken, how I was left and she wanted nothing to do with me, and that I was a mess. I told her that girl (my ex) meant nothing to me and I regretted my actions before and after. I explained that I was ashamed and I felt like I sinned before everyone. I also explained that my military career was in danger because of the post she made; tagging me in it with every military senior I had in my friends list seeing it. She felt bad and started to cry. The post was taken down. She didn’t want to leave my house and decided to sleep in my arms; stating that she wanted to be held by me one more time. When she left in the morning, she made it clear that we were not getting back together because she could not trust me, or see me the same. She stopped by later that night and we talked some more about what happened, however, she was filled with anger and accused me of cheating and could not stop talking about the sex part of my meet up with my ex; getting very graphic. I told her before she left that I take full responsibility for my actions and that I did mess up. I told her that it was not my character to act like this and I didn’t listen to reason or logic. I explained the situation again that I was broken after she wanted nothing to do with me and explained that the guy I saw her with and the voice on the phone broke me even more. She explained that the guy was a co-worker she went out drinking with along with other friends and that she passed out in her office and that the guy on the phone was her supervisor taking her phone away to avoid her making a “fool” out of herself in her condition. The muffled noises were her passing out and breathing heavily into the phone. I realized she was being truthful and that I assumed incorrectly.
As it stands, we are broken up and she maintains that she wants nothing to do with me because I cheated and hurt her. I explained that I cared for her deeply and that I was going to prove it to her and shower her with love and everything she deserves and that in time, when she is healed, I would be asking her out again and that the decision would be in her hands.
I find myself in a hard and hurtful situation and I cannot get through this on my own. I am seeking the advice of anyone who can help.
Short Story:
My ex broke up with with no indication of getting back together. She wanted nothing to do with me. She refused to talk to me and repeatedly said that she was through with me. Broken and hurt, I allowed myself to get into a non-emotional sexual encounter with another girl. Something I regretted immediately and left quickly. My ex decided to rekindle things between us the next morning. After we're got back together, she left me when she found out what I did. I want her back. I love her and have never felt this way with anyone else.
Questions:
What should I do to try to win her back? Am I really the evil guy for making this mistake during this breakup period? Am I the only one to blame? Is there even a possibility that things could work themselves out?
Long & Detailed Version:
For privacy concerns, I changed the names in the story. My name is John Smith and my girlfriend’s name is Jane Doe. I found the perfect girl 2 years and 8 months ago. We are both in the Army; however she is in the enlisted ranks and I am in the officer ranks. Because of the policies set in place within our organization, we have kept our relationship a secret. During this time, we experienced our share of issues and heartbreaks. She broke up with a few times in our relationship but I would always bring us back together. Never once did I feel I would lose her. She is the love of my life and no issue could keep us apart. A few days ago (Monday), an issue set in that tore us apart. She wanted to take my dog to work with her during an 8 hour shift to which I was uncomfortable with the idea. My dog, Leia, is a pitbull-golden retriever mix and is the gentlest dog around.
However, I did not trust the kids my girlfriend worked with as she works with troubled youth on the military base I work on. I explained that dogs are not allowed on base, Leia is not registered, she shouldn’t be around kids, and the 8+ hour shift is a long time period for a 2 year old dog to be out and about. I told her I was uncomfortable with the situation. My girlfriend told me in an angry manner that I did not trust her to take care of my dog and that I did not trust her judgement. I explained that that was not the case. She insisted that I did not trust her and that she couldn’t be with someone that she couldn’t trust and that we are over with. She broke up with (via a phone conversation) right there. I tried calling her back and she kept hanging up on me. She sent me a text explaining that we are finished because I cannot trust her and that she wanted nothing to do with me. I decided to try calling her back some time later hoping that she was clam and more collected, but when she answered, she was a different person; one that I had never met. She answered shouting the following (on speaker), “Captain Smith! This is very inappropriate. It is inappropriate to call me on my personal number to talk about your problems.” This response from her took me by surprise as we have done everything to hide our military status from others. She said this in a public place and put me on the spot. All I could do was hang up. For some reason, this break up was different than the other ones. I had a strong sense that we were completely done and there was no going back. My heart was broken and I was in a serious dark place mentally and emotionally.
That night (Monday night), I decided to bring flowers to her place of work so that when she got off work we could talk through these issues as adults. I waited for her and upon seeing her get into her car, she decided to drive over to the base bar and relief her stress. I wanted outside with my flowers, as I did not want to cause drama inside the bar. When she wasn’t coming out after an hour, I decided to leave her flowers in her car where she would see them as soon as she entered her car (she always leaves her doors unlocked). As I get back into my car, I see her walk outside and towards her car with another man. I immediately get knots in my stomach as I assumed the worse. The guy drives her car away and I assume she is in the passenger seat. I left the base to go home; distraught from what I saw and the thoughts that developed thereafter. I was not only crying, but yelling in my car out of frustration, depression, and sorrow. I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. On the way home, I decided to send a message to an ex-girlfriend of mine via Instagram. I was looking for someone to talk to, someone to tell me I didn’t cause any of this. My ex decided to meet up with me and while on the way to see her, I received a phone call from Jane Doe. She is intoxicated beyond belief and slurring her words. I asked if she was ok, and if she was at home. She said no, that she was going to sleep at the base where she worked. I told her I would come by and take her home and take care of her. She said no, and reminded me that we could not be together. It was at this point that I was asking for 10mins of her time, in person the following morning, to explain myself and prove to her via actions how much I love her and that I want to be with her.
Instead of saying anything, a stranger’s voice comes on the phone (a male’s voice) and starts saying “get off the phone” and moves the phone out of her hand. The next sounds I hear are muffled noises. Again, my knots are back in my stomach. I decided to meet up with my ex. I started regretting meeting up with her before I see her. I felt guilty about seeing her. Once we met, we started talking, trying to get my mind off what I was feeling. The issue was, my ex kissed me. I felt uncomfortable about it and guilty but that didn’t stop what came next. After we finished having sex (which was quick and void of emotion), I wanted to rush her home as I felt terrible about what I did. I took her home from the spot we met at and I rushed home to shower and cleanse my body of my shame. I regretted everything and fell asleep that way (it was now Tuesday at 1am). I woke up in the morning at 8am to a phone call from Jane Doe. She wanted to know if I was interested in meeting up for breakfast. She was going to give me my 10mins that I had been begging for but she had denied the prior day. I went to the IHOP where she was at and we rekindled our relationship. I was walking on water but felt guilty about my actions with my ex. Once I got home, I received a message from my ex via Instagram regarding a conversation we had after our meet up. She said that she was going to take a pill to avoid any “surprises.” An hour later, I get a call from Jane Doe crying and screaming at me. When she got home, she decided to get into my social media accounts to “checkup” on me and saw these messages to my ex. She screamed at me for cheating on me and another fight ensued. I drove to her house to try to resolve these issues but once there she wanted nothing to do with me. I told her I did not cheat on her and that I would never cheat on her. I was talking from a technical standpoint.
Did she know I was lying about sleeping with my ex? Yes, but I was talking from a relationship standpoint. That night, she posts on Facebook that I cheated on her with my ex and how bad of a guy I am. She tags me in it in hopes of hurting me professionally. She calls my family and friends and spreads the word. I was already beating myself up over my actions as I felt guilty for being with my ex and I regretted it before, during, and after. My mind was just in a dark place that I was making bad decisions. Later that night, she comes over to my house to find closure. She wanted details on what I did. I decided to stop lying and tell her everything. I told her how I felt, what I was going through, what I thought, how I was broken, how I was left and she wanted nothing to do with me, and that I was a mess. I told her that girl (my ex) meant nothing to me and I regretted my actions before and after. I explained that I was ashamed and I felt like I sinned before everyone. I also explained that my military career was in danger because of the post she made; tagging me in it with every military senior I had in my friends list seeing it. She felt bad and started to cry. The post was taken down. She didn’t want to leave my house and decided to sleep in my arms; stating that she wanted to be held by me one more time. When she left in the morning, she made it clear that we were not getting back together because she could not trust me, or see me the same. She stopped by later that night and we talked some more about what happened, however, she was filled with anger and accused me of cheating and could not stop talking about the sex part of my meet up with my ex; getting very graphic. I told her before she left that I take full responsibility for my actions and that I did mess up. I told her that it was not my character to act like this and I didn’t listen to reason or logic. I explained the situation again that I was broken after she wanted nothing to do with me and explained that the guy I saw her with and the voice on the phone broke me even more. She explained that the guy was a co-worker she went out drinking with along with other friends and that she passed out in her office and that the guy on the phone was her supervisor taking her phone away to avoid her making a “fool” out of herself in her condition. The muffled noises were her passing out and breathing heavily into the phone. I realized she was being truthful and that I assumed incorrectly.
As it stands, we are broken up and she maintains that she wants nothing to do with me because I cheated and hurt her. I explained that I cared for her deeply and that I was going to prove it to her and shower her with love and everything she deserves and that in time, when she is healed, I would be asking her out again and that the decision would be in her hands.
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