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Breaking no contact. Initial message

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  • Breaking no contact. Initial message


    Basically, this all started when I met a girl in Oregon, I'm from California. We met online and I told her i'd be in town visiting. At first she seemed very interested in me, talked me the whole time I drove up. Just natural flow of communication. So when we met up, we hit off immediately. She was very generous and showed me around town in Portland. We hung out almost every day for almost 2 weeks. We had a connection, I could feel it. After dinner one night, she questioned me about my where the relationship was possibly going. I told her, while I did like her.. I was bit nervous about entering another relationship so soon because I just ended one previously with my ex-fiance not even 5 months ago. I told her, I needed time. ( major F up right there). She pretended to understand but of course, didn't like my reaction. In any event, we continued to hangout going to the Zoo, dinner, etc. Did all that romantic stuff.

    After I left town, we remained in contact almost every day till I could feel she was " pulling back" or becoming lukewarm with me. I told her how I'm planning to relocate up there, or she could visit me. At first, she seemed receptive to the idea of visiting me, then became sorta cold. So a week or so goes by and she mentioned her ex-bf had sent her flowers randomly, she said that there was " no way I'd get back with him. He was too controlling". They broke up 10 months ago supposedly. The timing seemed odd, because after that remark is when things seemed to downhill.

    About a week after that ordeal, I sent flowers to her work which she seemed to enjoy. Her text's were still kinda lukewarm and said asked her if " everything is ok?" She replied " no, its not. It's about us". She said basically I was a nice guy but.... She had a " feeling the day I left". She went on saying how she couldn't fulfill my needs,etc. I called her out saying I think she met someone else and is pushing me away. Telling me how I would find someone great, I'm a nice guy blah blah. It's crazy because she was so into me.

    I attempted contact with her in October, I was in her area and me and her talked via Whatsapp. She seemed happy at first to hear from me again. But, when I suggested me we meet up she told the same spiel " Hey, I have to be honest with you. You're a really good guy, great personality, I mean you are this way. I just know it won't work out. I hope you find someone you deserve". We ended it semi cordial but she ended up blocking me.

    Now, I find out shes in a new relationship in my city.( Long distance) I am left with lots of questions about what truly happened, etc. This new guy appears a bit out of shape, etc. ( nothing wrong with that) just leaves me perplexed. But at the advice of a " relationship coach," she suggested that enough time has passed and I can attempt to " open the lines" up. I'm not expecting much, I'd just like to hear from her again. Perhaps closure.?

    Here's my message I am considering sending

    :Hey XX, I just saw a white Lexus F sport like yours. Just reminded me of you, when we drove around having fun. Hope you're doing well these days. XX."
    Last edited by BMW-N52; December 6th, 2018, 03:19 PM.

  • #2
    I'm not sure I agree with your 'relationship coach.' She gave every indication that she didn't want a relationship with you. In fact, it's quite obvious that she had met someone else. When someone tells you to find someone you deserve, that translates into 'don't contact me again.' And the fact that she blocked you cements that observation.

    Why not just move on instead of facing another rejection?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      BMW-N52 She told you the best way she could by texting you her message. Well, take a hint and get her message. She told you it's over so be done with it and no, don't fire off a text about the Lexus nor any message of any kind. She doesn't wish to continue a dialogue with you so be intelligent enough to respect her wishes. No more contact.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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      • #4
        This girl has been nice enough not to crush your heart and your self esteem when she broke up with you. She used kind words and wished you well.
        If you keep pusing her and contacting her against her wishes, she won't stay this kind. She clearly does not want you in her life. Hassling her just because you keep obsessing over the past is not fair to her. And in the end she'll have to start using hard measures to get you to back off.

        Don't be that guy.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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        • #5
          What a drag...you're relocating and went to Portland, thought you'd meet great company, gambled on a new relationship at the same time and then you're now left with a confusing situation. I love Oregon. One of the beating hearts of the west coast.

          I don't think you fucked up at all. You were honest with her. She asked you where the relationship was going in the first week you met. Who does that? Seriously. This is a red flag for me and someone who's a little too down to business. She doesn't seem relaxed or into taking her time getting to know someone and that's not a good sign (to me anyway). You're cool. You really don't need closure from someone you barely know and I think you dodged a bullet. Let it go and enjoy your new job or whatever is waiting for you in Portland.

          I also think it's weird that she brings up your Lexus. She could have remembered you any other way and she remembers your 70K car. Please. Honey, do yourself a favour and find a more down to earth woman who's ready to cruise, not jerk you around like she's riding a dilapidated rollercoaster that needs maintenance.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
            What a drag...you're relocating and went to Portland, thought you'd meet great company, gambled on a new relationship at the same time and then you're now left with a confusing situation. I love Oregon. One of the beating hearts of the west coast.

            I don't think you fucked up at all. You were honest with her. She asked you where the relationship was going in the first week you met. Who does that? Seriously. This is a red flag for me and someone who's a little too down to business. She doesn't seem relaxed or into taking her time getting to know someone and that's not a good sign (to me anyway). You're cool. You really don't need closure from someone you barely know and I think you dodged a bullet. Let it go and enjoy your new job or whatever is waiting for you in Portland.

            I also think it's weird that she brings up your Lexus. She could have remembered you any other way and she remembers your 70K car. Please. Honey, do yourself a favour and find a more down to earth woman who's ready to cruise, not jerk you around like she's riding a dilapidated rollercoaster that needs maintenance.

            I managed to talk to her. The Lexus was her vehicle. I brought up as a conversation starter. I kept it cordial and polite and but she made it clear she didn't want me to contact her. She was nice about it. Just asked each other how we were basically. To everyone else you were correct. It was something I had to get off my chest, it was eating away. I just wanted to know what her frame of mind is. But the red flags for me is she has in 3 relationships within less than 6 months. Her ex sent her flowers when I was with her, supposedly their " relationship" ended 10 months ago. But I know damn well that nobody goes chasing after 10 months. It was much more recent than that. Now I found myself in the same situation only weeks later as he was in. Now she's onto guy #3 before the Holidays.

            But she has the habit of bouncing around when things don't go her way. I was, unfortunately, the middle or " rebound guy". I tried to mend things or fix them as best I could. Oregon is an amazing place, it sucks that she'll be forever associated with that place. She was the first person who really showed me around and took time to do things with me.

            I've learned alot from this experience as bad as it may be. I'm smarter and more in tune for next time. I used to blindly accept someone, perhaps I'm a bit more critical of potential partners now. Rightfully so. The end of the day, I reached out to her again and I felt like most of the negative stigma has been lifted. She has really been a " ghost" in my mind and kept me up.

            I tried to have a " fresh start" in that area. I was engaged earlier this year in May, so essentially I relocated up there to escape. Met her, thought things went well and found the same thing happening. I'm Military, that's what she liked about me. It's hard to admit defeat.
            Last edited by BMW-N52; December 6th, 2018, 08:47 PM.

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            • #7
              It's hardly defeat when she was barely much of a catch and you dodged a bullet. You got what you wanted, a nice chat. Onward and forward. Don't dwell on this. You're so much better than that.

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              • #8
                You shouldn't have sent that message because you're making yourself look desperate and weird. Your 'coach' was wrong. This girl told you she wasn't interested and is now with someone else. Leave it. Get on with your life. She is.
                Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 7th, 2018, 06:15 AM.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Dazed & Confused View Post
                  You shouldn't have sent that message because you're making yourself look desperate and weird. Your 'coach' was wrong. This girl told you she wasn't interested and is now with someone else. Leave it. Get on with your life. She is.
                  Perhaps, but I thought it went pretty well. for me it's important have things be right. I said what I needed to and it wasn't emotional or anything. We just wished each other well, that was it.

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                  • #10
                    The closure part seemed like the part you needed the most and getting a few more answers points you in the direction of moving on. You were given the chance to clear the air and that is most important because it allows you complete freedom and a clear mind. Charge it to experience and look forward to the bright future that is still waiting to be written.

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