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Boyfriend bought underwear for another girl???

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  • Boyfriend bought underwear for another girl???

    Ok this is gonna sound very VERY weird. My and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years now, and for the last 2 years I have been cautious of a girl that he works with. He messages her a lot, likes almost every photo on her Facebook (unless itís a picture of her and her boyfriend, which he avoids like the plague).
    this morning I discovered that he has bought her underwear for her Christmas. By which I mean a customised pair of knickers with a picture of her cat on them. Iíve been in tears ever since.
    although the underwear is clearly in a novelty manner, is it right to feel angry and betrayed at this??

    please help.

  • #2
    Is the underwear meant as a joke?
    If someone bought me a pair of underwear with a picture of one of my pets on it, I wouldn't think anything sexual of it. I'd be laughing. This to me is at the same level of getting a grown man Superman socks or something.

    If it's not a joke and he got them because she's crazy about her cat somehow, then it's time to rethink this relationship. I agree, underwear - in the traditional sense - is not something you buy for another woman while he's in a relationship.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      Thanks for your input.

      he claims that they are really good friends, however I just donít get that same feeling in my gut.
      I get that if it were a more seductive or intimate type of underwear then yes he has went too far. But with the fact itís a novelty pair, whereby heís put a picture of her cat on them, i can see a funny side to it. But because this is a girl who I have already said to him that I feel uncomfortable about, it makes it even more painful to process.
      It concerns me that heís buying her gifts in the first place, despite the fact I have told him I feel uncomfortable with their closeness. So when I discovered he bought her these knickers, I just exploded with anger.


      • #4
        He's totally into this girl. It couldn't be more obvious. What a sleaze. Why is he buying her a Christmas gift in the first place?
        Last edited by Dazed & Confused; December 5th, 2018, 12:49 PM.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


        • #5
          There's too much effort he's putting into this friendship. For that simple reason, reconsider if he's pulling his weight in the relationship or as committed to you as you are to him. It doesn't matter what he gives her for xmas or what he says on social media on her page. The fact is he does those things and he does those things because he can. This means you've been a pushover for too long.

          I question whether changing things now will change anything in your relationship after four years. You both have already settled into a routine or acceptable way of doing things, operating your friendships outside your relationship. Be prepared to end this relationship as most men (and women) won't change after incidents like these or repeat offences that have gone unchecked. What you may be more likely to find is him continuing this behaviour against your wishes and behind your back. I'm not going to paint you a hopeful picture.


          • #6
            ^^ I agree:
            But because this is a girl who I have already said to him that I feel uncomfortable about,
            After telling him that, he went ahead and bought a very suggestive gift that actually meant something to her...How disrespectful of your feelings and your relationship in general.

            This, IMO is much more than a simple friendship. Your boyfriend may very well have a crush (or more) on this girl. It will be interesting to see what, if anything, she bought him for Christmas.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


            • #7
              You are caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, apparently, from a previous post, you've been constantly accusing your boyfriend of cheating. This episode is another version of that. On the other hand, his gift giving is inappropriate and disrespectful toward you.

              As much as you think he's the best thing that's ever happened to you (from your previous post(, he's really not that good to you and this relationship is just undermining your confidence.

              Consider being single for a while so you can start having healthy respectful relationship with appropriate boundaries.


              • #8
                I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is a tough place to be in and while I want to be quick to say it is innocent, I know it could mean a bit more. Being recently separated from my girlfriend of over 2 and a half years, I would never dream about getting a close friend of the opposite sex underwear. However, I would do so as a joke but I would let my girlfriend in on it and get her input. In fact, I did this with a few close friends were I purchased intimate items for a friend for Christmas. The difference, my girlfriend helped me shop for them because we thought it would be a funny gag joke.

                I once gave a co-worker of mine a necklace with a small cute pig on it because she was into teacup pigs. Its was an honest gift and nothing was meant by it other than that I thought she would love it. My girlfriend didn't think it was a great idea and was hurt because of it. The necklace had diamond accents on it but was nothing pricey. In fact, I spent the same on my other co-workers for their gifts. But the thought of giving another woman a necklace hurt my girlfriend (now ex). I didn't understand at first but then I saw her side of it. So I know where you are coming from.

                I honestly would feel betrayed by this as well. I would suggest you two have a serious conversation about it and try to get to the root cause of why he is doing it and why he didn't tell you. Look into his eyes and watch his body movements. If he get all angry, breaks eye contact, changes the topic, points fingers, and/or blames you for being 'nosy," then you might have a bigger problem on your hand. Your gut might be telling you the truth and he might really be into this girl. At this point, you need to think of your next course of action. Do you want to make it work with him or do you want to move on and write a new future? 4 Years is a lot of investment, but not worth it if there will be trust issues in the future.

                My 2 cents, move along and do not look back. Explain to him why. He might not be cheating physically with this girl, but it sounds like he is emotionally involved. His emotional involvement needs to be directed towards you and not another girl.

                You deserve better than this...especially after 4 years of being with each other.


                • #9
                  You're right, girl. You know what kind of gift you buy to a co-worker? A paper holder, a mug, pens... I have a male best friend for 4 years by now, and I can say that I would end my friendship with him if he came to me with knickers for christmas.