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Confused and Heartbroken

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  • Confused and Heartbroken

    If anyone reads my prior post from months ago they will see that my boyfriend and I struggled back then. I was frustrated that I had to control all of the finances and ended up moving out of his house and got an apartment with my kids. He’s selling his house and eventually getting a new place as well. We stayed together though and just had a roller coaster of the past 4 months.

    Our relationship is seriously strained and I keep blaming myself. I played a huge part in the issues. I’m controlling and have had a very negative attitude lately. Just haven’t been happy with myself, not necessarily him and I’ve lost my spark. I recognize it though and want my fun loving self back and I feel that it’s totally attainable now that I see who I’ve become. Problem is…we could be done for good and now all I want is to fight to save it. Unfortunately, he’s unsure and now thinking it’s best to end it. He said he hasn’t fallen out of love with me and that loves me no less than he did before. So that’s where I’m confused. When you love someone that much you fight for it right? I’m devastated which is not where I thought I’d be at this point. I assumed I’d be over him and ready to move on and in fact I feel the complete opposite. We used to be so strong and now we are so broken and it’s scaring me because I love him so much. I don’t want to throw away 3 years of what used to be a beautiful relationship. We were once engaged and I was horrible to him. One big fight and I took the ring off. I think that is what really broke us, and potentially without possibility of repair. At this point I want to work on myself and make up for my part of things and I want him to do the same but while staying together and working to get us back to a good place. I realize it won’t ever be the same as it first was, but I want to try my hardest to get close. What makes him want to give up?

    I feel like a broken record at this point with trying to talk to him and convince him that it's worth it, I realize that I have to give him space to think about stuff. He does come over and call me and we talk (I cry) about everything. But something is holding him back from wanting to stay together and work on this and give it that fighting chance that I feel 3 years deserves. I’m assuming everyone’s advice will be to accept that it’s over and stop contacting him. But if anyone’s been in this position, they know it’s not that easy.

  • #2
    He's right. I think a break is exactly what you both need for a while. Focus on you and funding yourself again. He loves you but its your issues and the way you treat him when you are horrible to him is what he's got a problem with. He doesn't have to live with that. Seek some therapy because if you carry on the way you are going to drive him away for good.
    I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


    • #3
      If someone wants to leave you, you really should believe them. It means that person doesn't have what it takes to stick it out with you and it's a favour in the long run. Take it with a grain of salt and thank your lucky stars. Think of your kids and your independence and being rid of someone who doesn't want to be with you in the first place or work with you.

      You said he comes over and calls you and you both talk. At some point this has to stop and you need to regain your sanity. Are your kids around those talks? Do they know what you're talking about? How old are they? Even if they're older they shouldn't be exposed to their mother ingratiating herself before a man who wants to move on with his life. Work on being a better role model to your kids and don't teach them that this is the way grown women behave. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them. Move on and start rebuilding your lives.


      • #4
        RLF233 Don't force it. Even though he still loves you, something inside him got up and left and you can't change how he feels. Even though you don't like it, you'll have to grudgingly accept how your relationship with him transpired and accept it. Move forward, raise your children by co-parenting and make the best of an unfortunate situation.

        You sound remorseful which is actually a good thing. You can't undo the past. However, you can change for the better and prove to yourself and him that you can be a harmonious, respectful and peaceful lady. Over time, he will determine whether or not he can trust if your efforts are sincere and permanent. Until then, behave honorably and hope for the best.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."