Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Please advise me. I've been suffering for the last 2 months..

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Please advise me. I've been suffering for the last 2 months..

    Hi, iím new to this platform. Iíll post the context here..

    So my girlfriend and I have been very sweet over the past 4 years.. weíve always listened to one another, relationship was great and happy.

    Just recently, she got a new job as a Cabin crew. This means that she requires a lot of flying and we couldnít spend much time together. I understands this perfectly well.

    However, she has recently started texting a guy that I told her that Iím uncomfortable with her texting some months back. She promised me that sheíd stopped and then the episode closed. I found out later that the texting didnít stop and we fought for a few more times. Eventually, she promised me that sheíd stop texting him.

    The problem is not only that, since her new job, we have been spending very little time together. She donít bother texting me or asking about my days anymore.. I communicated with her on multiple occasions and she said that sheíd try. But it seems like she never places me as a priority. Nowadays we only meet once every 2Ė4 weeks and our sex stops for a few months as well. She said she doesnít have any feel for these. I have communicated with her as well but she said donít force her. She has time to meet her friends and when I questioned her that why does she seem to have time for her friends but not me, sheíd explain that they donít meet often and it was a catch-up after several months of not meeting. I accepted the reason but I still find that Iím no longer a priority.

    Am I being insecure and over thinking?

    Iím still very much in love with her and am trying my best to fix this issue but iím getting very very tired that no matter what I do our relationship just canít seem to get better. She donít show affections to me anymore and the lack of communication is killing me.

    Iíve been thinking of breaking off from this relationship for over 2 months already but I canít find myself to make a decision. I really loved her a lot. She's my everything. Can anyone really help me? I will be happy to share any additional information as well.

  • #2
    AlanQuang You either have to be patient and get together with your girlfriend on her terms and at her convenience and be fine with it or break up.

    I don't think you're insecure and over thinking. However, I think you need to accept that she has a different lifestyle than yours. She very on-the-go and you either remain on standby or get out of the relationship. There are no other choices.

    Also, she doesn't keep her promises which is alarming. She promised to stop texting a guy yet didn't stop texting after she promised you that she wouldn't anymore. It's deceitful behavior because you found out without her telling you directly that she continued to text the guy. You don't trust her. If there's no trust in a relationship, you will always be suspicious of her.

    Your girlfriend has less time for you than you have for her. The relationship is unbalanced and unfair because you feel she's unfair to you and she feels that you're whining to her which she doesn't like.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by chanelle View Post
      AlanQuang You either have to be patient and get together with your girlfriend on her terms and at her convenience and be fine with it or break up.

      I don't think you're insecure and over thinking. However, I think you need to accept that she has a different lifestyle than yours. She very on-the-go and you either remain on standby or get out of the relationship. There are no other choices.

      Also, she doesn't keep her promises which is alarming. She promised to stop texting a guy yet didn't stop texting after she promised you that she wouldn't anymore. It's deceitful behavior because you found out without her telling you directly that she continued to text the guy. You don't trust her. If there's no trust in a relationship, you will always be suspicious of her.

      Your girlfriend has less time for you than you have for her. The relationship is unbalanced and unfair because you feel she's unfair to you and she feels that you're whining to her which she doesn't like.
      firstly thank you for your reply. i really feel better hearing it.

      Yes i dont trust her anymore, nowadays we also seldom text, and her texts replies are few hours intervals. Last time we used to text daily and she always replies to me near instantly or always tries to find topics to talk to me.

      I know these because I know shes online and replying other people, but not me. which really makes me feel like im really not a priority. I spoke to her regarding this, she told me that she's not always on the phone and not always free to reply.

      But why, why she has the time to always reply other people's text?

      Comment


      • #4
        Should i stop texting her? should i stop making myself so readily available for her? How?

        Comment


        • #5
          AlanQuang She seldom texts you. It sounds like she's losing interest in you.

          You see that she's online replying to others, not you and you're right, you're not her priority. You spoke to her about this, she denied it and made excuses to you.

          She has time for other people because they take priority over you. You don't have to like it but you have to accept how she is and what she is doing.

          No, I don't think you should just stop texting her nor make yourself unavailable to her because you're playing immature mind games if you use that strategy.

          I would explain your complaints to her directly but politely and if she continues to disagree with you and if you're unhappy with your relationship with her, you should seriously consider breaking up because it's not working. Be nice though. Don't fight, don't get ugly, don't get emotional nor argumentative. Be kind, gentle yet firm. There is a way to remain respectful and diplomatic. Be a peaceful person. If you decide to end your relationship with her, do it with grace.

          If you decide to remain in a relationship with her, she's not willing to change for you and you'll have to have the patience of a saint. It's your choice and your decision regarding what you will do.
          "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by chanelle View Post
            AlanQuang She seldom texts you. It sounds like she's losing interest in you.

            You see that she's online replying to others, not you and you're right, you're not her priority. You spoke to her about this, she denied it and made excuses to you.

            She has time for other people because they take priority over you. You don't have to like it but you have to accept how she is and what she is doing.

            No, I don't think you should just stop texting her nor make yourself unavailable to her because you're playing immature mind games if you use that strategy.

            I would explain your complaints to her directly but politely and if she continues to disagree with you and if you're unhappy with your relationship with her, you should seriously consider breaking up because it's not working. Be nice though. Don't fight, don't get ugly, don't get emotional nor argumentative. Be kind, gentle yet firm. There is a way to remain respectful and diplomatic. Be a peaceful person. If you decide to end your relationship with her, do it with grace.

            If you decide to remain in a relationship with her, she's not willing to change for you and you'll have to have the patience of a saint. It's your choice and your decision regarding what you will do.
            I really love and appreciate your response. I have spoke to many people but you resonate well to my situation. thank you.

            I have told her so many times over a period of 2 months that this is hurting me a lot... I am not sure whether by continuing texting her will make her feel more irritated and turned off by me..

            Her stand was she will text me whenever shes free, but i see that she has a lot of time to stay online and text, but not to me. I have always spoken to her in a very kind and gentle tone, but her lack of communication and willingness to communicate is seriously not helping. even when i talk very very nicely, she will get agitated and says that i'm controlling and im expecting too much from her. I really don't know how can i communicate with her anymore? She seems to already form a perception of me being controlling and demanding that we text and meet.

            In actual fact, is meeting once a week called demanding? Now that we're meeting once every 2-4 weeks. And in the past, we literally meet everyday or every once in 2 days.
            For texting wise, is it unreasonable and controlling to ask her to at least update me about her day and once in a while ask about my day? Im not expecting her to text me all the time like we used to.

            im lost.

            Comment


            • #7
              Your brain just needs to catch up with your heart. You're not taking the hint, Alan. She's not into you and the spark has faded. Generally invested couples actually work to rekindle that spark after their brain acknowledges there's an unexpected distancing. She's not meeting with you in the middle. Pick up what's left of you, cut your losses and move on. Life is far too short for terrible company and even more terrible excuses of a partner.

              Comment


              • #8
                She's not emotionally invested in the relationship anymore. She's seeking the attentions of another guy and lying to you about it. That's not how a relationship should be. It will eventually get to the point where she won't have time to see you at all. You are a good guy and deserve better than that.

                Comment


                • #9

                  AlanQuang You're very welcome, Alan. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciated it.

                  If you continue texting her, you should tell her everything you've posted in your original post and do so delicately so you won't cause an ugly fight. Just remain respectful and very polite.

                  She texts you whenever it is convenient for her which you should simply accept. She has time online but not for you which isn't nice but that's the way she is. Since you've already been gentle to her with your explanations regarding your grievances, then perhaps you should diplomatically and respectfully break it off with her. Don't agitate her. You will be perceived as controlling and expecting too much of her if you sound like you're whining to her so be careful how you word it. If you communicate, you're going to have to be cordial but lower your expectations all the while.

                  Meeting once a week isn't demanding but she will think you're demanding if she doesn't want to meet you once a week or if she is too busy to squeeze you into her schedule.

                  Yes, it's unreasonable and controlling to ask her to give you daily updates and ask you about your day. No one wants to be told what to do even if you ask them to do what they should do.

                  She's not the type of woman who will give you the time and attention you want and need. You need to ask yourself how long you can endure.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X