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So what's next?

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  • So what's next?

    I've been going out with this girl for about 4 months. We started off extremely great and both felt as if we were the exact same person. The chemistry was insane. We hit a rough patch in our relationship about a month in that lasted for about a month where we weren't getting along too well.

    Fast forward to 2 months in, we've pulled through the rough patch and everything went back to being normal. Recently however, she's been really busy with school, family, clubs and her friends and is trying her best to see me but something keeps coming up. I don't think she's doing this on purpose as she always makes time to still communicate on the phone or text for hours during the week. Her parents won't let her out during the week so our only time to see each other would be on weekends where something such as having to study for a test or her parents wanting to do something with her would come up.

    We haven't seen each other in a month as she was sick for 2 weeks and then the other 2 weekends her family wanted her to do something with them and the other she had to study for multiple tests that she was behind on. I ended up telling her how I felt about the whole situation and that it feels like I am just convenient for her. This ended up with her almost crying and telling me how much she cares and is trying but is so overwhelmed with life and stressed out and all I'm doing is stressing her out more as she feels guilty that she is never able to do anything with me. (In my mind I thought she was just leading me on and keeping me as convenience but I truly believe that she is actually trying.)

    I told her that she shouldn't stress and if something comes up then it's alright we could always try again the next weekend as I understand her schedule is a bit random. She hasn't chosen her friends over me either as she hasn't been out with them. I called her the next day to tell her a better idea would be for her to just make plans and tell me when she's free that way I wouldn't have to keep asking her about our plans, stressing her out. Instead of agreeing she instead said that she needed a break and that it would be best for both of us and then apologized.

    I'm giving her space but am unsure on how to convince her to let it all work out or what I should do next? Most people would say break up but I really like her and I believe she feels the same way but is under constant stress due to her busy life. I'm ok with just calling and texting and I know she is too, I'm hoping that we could just see each other at least once a month and then get back to seeing each other a lot during our school breaks. I think that she feels constantly pressured by me asking her to go out as I didn't realize how stressed it made her.

  • #2
    The reality, I think, is that she has decided she's not as into you as she used to be. School work and 'stress' have little to do with it. She IS overwhelmed with her feelings. She cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you, but she isn't 100% committed, either, for whatever reason.

    She said she needed a break. That means she won't be ok with calling and texting. A break means a contact. I think you should respect her wishes, unless you want to make her angry.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Stress2019 Since you really like her and breaking up is not an option for you, the only option left is for you to remain patient and on standby during her very hectic, extremely busy life. You need to constantly wait until she comes around to have time, energy and focus on you. She has too much on her plate right now with school, studying, clubs, friends and family commitments she can't get out of.

      I suggest that you get busy with your own life so you're not only concentrating on her all the time. This way you're very busy and juggle her in your schedule, too. You need some healthy distractions in a positive way such as your own interests, hobbies, friends, perhaps clubs, community volunteerism, charity, causes, family ties, exercise regularly and the like. Be your own person instead of thinking you need to be a couple only.

      Also, in the meantime, remember that this stage in her life is temporary. Once she's done with school, she'll have more time for you if you're willing to endure and make your relationship with her long lasting. It sounds as if you're not willing to give up on your relationship with her just yet so your only option is to be super selfless, yield a lot and do your own thing while you bide your time.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


      • #4
        Are you kidding me. Honey, please stop stressing out. You're giving me high blood pressure just reading your post. It's been two months in and you've just gotten over your first big fight. Let it go, will you. She almost cried. When someone almost cries, give them the benefit of the doubt if you care that much. Stop thinking of just yourself and what you want and what your buddies are telling you to do on the side. There's a big issue here: you both don't sound old enough to drive. She comes from a strict household and a family that cares about her. This is good practice as a gentleman. It's about time you acknowledge that she has priorities and you are not always going to be each others' #1 in this half-baked/half-grown version of yourselves in your young life. Give each other time to grow and make something of yourselves.

        Stop self-sabotaging and start supporting each other in healthy ways. By supporting each other I mean championing each others' goals and encourage each other to score the grades, get the volunteer work, work towards your career or work goals. Don't get so bogged down by these small details that you forget everything else.


        • #5
          I think she just lost a little interest in your relationship and you need to accept that. There is no point of a relationship if you don't even see each other. You just need to leave her alone and stop pressuring her.
          I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!