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How do i get the courage to break up with my girlfriend?

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  • How do i get the courage to break up with my girlfriend?

    Some background... im 26 male , shes 25 female we've been dating for almost a year now. She is low vision, not blind, so in a technicality she can never have a drivers license. So she has to get driven or picked up everywhere. We both got attached pretty quickly, I would allow her to stay at my house for a couple days while im at work, she would play the 'house-wife' for me, clean cook and be there waiting for me to get off work. Yet since the first date i told her that in September next year (2018) i would be moving an hour and a half away. I always kept this in the back of my mind and felt i would leave her before i left. We met in November 2017 and i made it 'official' in the end of December 2017. I enjoyed our time together greatly but part of me just kept telling myself "ok break up with her after valentines day" and then "Ok break up with her after your birthday, nvm break up after her birthday " and i just kept going like that... We did start saying the L word around may and have since then. She would joke about becoming my wife and this or that but i told her , because of my parents/family members history, that i would really have to be with some one 3-4+ years before i would want to get engaged. yet she always makes jokes about that. I guess from the beginning i could never see myself dating her in my future.

    And because of this i cheated on her 3 times with 3 different women while i lived down there.

    Fast forward to September, i leave the city and move north 90 miles for school. Instantly in the first week im here i find a girl that im crazy interested in. We go out on dates and hook up multiple times. She shakes me to the side after two weeks because she wants to date guys. So i do the same thing with her co-worker. Her co-worker only wants sex and wants to date multiple guys as well. All of this while im concealing i have a girlfriend 90 miles away and juggling texting/calling her as well. Obviously i have problems with myself cheating on this girl with 5 different women... I was out of the serious dating scene for years and really need to reevaluate what i am doing.

    So i find myself wanting to get a girlfriend that i enjoy all while i have a girlfriend.... I know that i need to break this relationship off, i just know that im going to break this girls heart when i tell her im breaking it off. I know shes going to be really hurt even with out knowing about the dirty stuff.... Shes been down here a couple times for a few days and its great at times. Yet i know i need to break this off. I cant seem to gain the balls to just say 'girl i cant do it anymore' and make up some reason like " its the distance babe, its killing me" .

    How do i do it? Do i tell her about the past, or just keep that in the past?

  • #2
    There's not easy way to do it. Sorry. And you don't have to have a "good" reason. Basically, you tell her you don't see a long-term future with her and now that you are apart, it would be a good time to end it.

    If she tries to get a "reason" for it, you can say that you just aren't feeling it and you realize you aren't missing her and you don't want to hold her or yourself back from finding the right person. If need be, you can tell her you've felt this for a while now and feel bad about dragging it out.

    She's not going to take any of it well and she could start pushing with lots of questions, including whether you're seeing anyone else. I wouldn't suggest you succumb to telling her you've been cheating on her. If won't help anyone.

    Then end it and cut contact so everyone can heal and move on. If you drag out the contact, you'll eventually give away that you've been cheating.

    And be man enough to do it in person. Just do it somewhere where you can leave (like her place) so you don't have to give her a ride home.

    Good luck


    • #3
      Completely agree with Pollon.

      She will push you for answers but you need to stick to one.
      Simply say that you know that you should be missing her if it was right but that you just arenít.
      Leave it at that.

      Dont say anymore or any less.


      • #4
        Sorry but you don't deserve any help. You have a lovely girlfriend who was good to you but you still couldn't keep it it your pants. You should be utterly ashamed of yourself. She does not deserve you and hope you live with your guilt for the rest of your life. I will give you one little piece of advice. Don't lie to her. Tell her what a cheating coward you are.
        Last edited by Dazed & Confused; November 10th, 2018, 10:02 AM.
        I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


        • #5
          Wow! Op: you said this:
          She would joke about becoming my wife and this or that but i told her , because of my parents/family members history, that i would really have to be with some one 3-4+ years before i would want to get engaged.
          What is your "parents history" on cheating and disingenuous douchery?

          Good for you for being able to pull the chickies but could you do them a favor and at least be honest that you're not going to be exclusive while you have them cook your dinner, clean your home and sexually service you?

          Anyway... yes, just tell her it's over and give her the chance to find a good guy who won't play her like you've been doing.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


          • #6
            Do her a big favour & just finish with her then she can find someone decent who can treat her right!
            Last edited by Monmouth; November 10th, 2018, 01:31 PM.