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  • Hard times

    Hi I'm Lottie, been reading this forum for a little while.

    Where do I start? Had a really rocky time lately with bf, which is affecting our boys too. I lost my job through stress so currently not working, I didn't feel like I had enough support there either.

    Is it time I broke away and started alone? I'm afraid of leaving and making things more confusing for our kids.


  • #2
    How did you lose your job through stress? How long have you been with your boyfriend. Are the children his?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      Originally posted by SarahLancaster View Post
      How did you lose your job through stress? How long have you been with your boyfriend. Are the children his?
      Hello, lost my job through stress at home, which resulted in me not attending and my boss had enough. Been together for 14 years since I was 16, both are his.

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      • #4
        What are the issues you're having with your boyfriend? And why after 14 years is there no commitment for marriage?
        "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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        • #5
          I'm not sure how you plan to break away from your boyfriend and support your kids and yourself without a job. What exactly happened with your boyfriend? Is he abusive?

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          • #6
            I don't plan to break away, it's a feeling sometimes as it doesn't seem to be getting better.

            To be honest we haven't helped matters, either of us. We have both cheated a couple of times.

            He can be abusive but not violent, not enough to be scared about.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by lottieminimad1 View Post
              I don't plan to break away,
              Then why in your first post did you ask if you should break away?

              it's a feeling sometimes as it doesn't seem to be getting better.

              To be honest we haven't helped matters, either of us. We have both cheated a couple of times.
              Look, if you're not leaving him because he cheated and you're cheating yourself then just carry on as you've always carried on because it doesn't matter what any of us here say, you're not going to suddenly change so that that kind of BS you two have been carrying on in changes. You both need therapy to figure out why you are so codependent that you stick around to be emotionally abused by one another. (my guess is that you had one terrible childhood and you've either married someone who is just like your mother or just like your father) I'm sorry, but I feel very sad for your children who are watching you two and will more likely than not, grow up to be in abusive and dysfunctional relationships just like yours and your husbands.

              He can be abusive but not violent, not enough to be scared about.
              the same thing could be said about yourself, luv. You cheat and you stay with a man you don't love to the point that you've lost any chance at independence you had due to stress from your relationship that led to the loss of your job. Most people who are healthy emotionally/mentally would leave a man that left them with that kind of stress.

              Which reminds me to ask you: Did your work not have benefits like doctor ordered long or short term disability?

              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                Then why in your first post did you ask if you should break away?

                Look, if you're not leaving him because he cheated and you're cheating yourself then just carry on as you've always carried on because it doesn't matter what any of us here say, you're not going to suddenly change so that that kind of BS you two have been carrying on in changes. You both need therapy to figure out why you are so codependent that you stick around to be emotionally abused by one another. (my guess is that you had one terrible childhood and you've either married someone who is just like your mother or just like your father) I'm sorry, but I feel very sad for your children who are watching you two and will more likely than not, grow up to be in abusive and dysfunctional relationships just like yours and your husbands.

                the same thing could be said about yourself, luv. You cheat and you stay with a man you don't love to the point that you've lost any chance at independence you had due to stress from your relationship that led to the loss of your job. Most people who are healthy emotionally/mentally would leave a man that left them with that kind of stress.

                Which reminds me to ask you: Did your work not have benefits like doctor ordered long or short term disability?
                Those are your opinions so fair enough, I didn't have the best of childhoods and neither did he. But I have had good support since but have wasted it at times which I regret.

                My work didn't support me at all, they didn't seem to want to know.

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                • #9
                  Your employer is not obligated to support your broken down relationship. It's not their business and its not their problem. You neglect your duties and they have every right to let you go. Sounds like you expected special treatment and sympathy which employers don't do. All they care about is their employees doing the job they're paid to do. It also sounds like you are fishing for sympathy here too.

                  The one and only thing you should prioritise is your children. Call time on your relationship (sounds like you got nothing but resentment between you and that won't get any better) and get out there find another job. Those children need to be provided for. I don't know how you could think for one second about abandoning them. Just because you had a rough childhood doesn't mean they have to suffer the same fate.
                  ​​​
                  Last edited by Dazed & Confused; November 8th, 2018, 07:44 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by lottieminimad1 View Post

                    Those are your opinions so fair enough,
                    I don't think there will be too many people that will (or would) have an opinion that is much different then mine, lottie. You need to get yourself out of that relationship or the lot of you (you your husband and the kids) all get yourselves into family counseling so that you learn to respect one another and show a lot more affection towards one another instead of all this turmoil that has been going on. Surely you don't want your kids to have the memories of childhood that you and their father have.
                    My work didn't support me at all, they didn't seem to want to know.
                    Was your stress diagnosed by a doctor?

                    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                    • #11
                      I agree with the other posters, Lottie. It sounds like you're venting (bad day or bad week for you)...and that's fine but there's not much info here in your posts. Think about things in the next while and figure out what's best for you and your family. Take your time. I hope you have a chance to figure it out.

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