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Boyfriend of 3 years asked for a break & we work together. I really need advice.

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  • Boyfriend of 3 years asked for a break & we work together. I really need advice.

    My boyfriend came over on Halloween and told me we need a break. He said it was purely to figure things out, and that I canít be around. He wouldnít give me any specifics. He said it was for him to re-evaluate & think about things and that there was no promises we were getting back together.

    He wants alone time. Then he said ďitís the little thingsĒ & canít go into detail cause I asked what it is he wants to work on and he got all defensive. He couldnít give me a time frame at all for thisĒbreakĒ. He said we are best friends and nothing will change. He can still see us hanging out all the time. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no thatís not what this is about and that he wanted to focus on himself. He said he would never do that to me..

    All of this is coming from someone who was all over me and calling me beautiful less then a week ago.

    *The major issue I am having is we work for the same company and I am transferring to the same location as him this week. We met at work 7 years ago and have been dating the last 3. He continued by stating he cannot wait to work with me again. ( I feel like Im slowly getting punched in the stomach over & over)

    I told him I donít think I should transfer any longer and he said that he still wanted me to as it would be a better work/ life balance for me. I am freaking out. I love him and I told him that. I told him I would leave him alone as thatís what he wanted. However, he keeps texting me and I am getting mixed signals.

    I would go full no contact but having to work together sort of defeats the purpose. I have ignored him since the breakup and his initial texts after.

    About five days have passed and he texted me yesterday asking if we could catch up. I ignored him for 5 hours as I was at work and then told him if he wanted to he could call me around 10 as I would be at the gym for a while. He called me and we spoke for about ten minutes. He just asked about my dog who hasnít been doing well and if I was able to get a new car ( mine died the day he broke up with me). He then went on to invite me to a mutual coworkers last day party on Friday. He said itíll be fun you should go. ( Iím not going.)

    I played it off and said idk Iíd think about it and also told him Iím working late. I ended The conversation and said goodnight. He said it was really great to hear my voice.

    Ok so I really need help with all of this. I have to work with him and pretend I donít have feelings any longer and itís driving me insane.

    Iíve decided that I just need to focus on myself 100 percent, be professional at work and never hang out with him outside of it. No matter how many time he asks me or what type of social things are going on. Once I get there Iím going to do my best to either find another job or transfer again. Iím not really sure. I am beyond devastated , I just canít ever show it. Please leave advice, opinions, thoughts or feelings. Thank you for your time.

    TL;DR boyfriend wants a break, we work together

  • #2
    Three years is no joke for a bloody joke of a relationship. I am terribly sorry to hear about this and my heart goes out to you. It makes totally no sense to me why a man in a long term relationship would want to end that relationship when you're on the cusp of making a move just to be closer together. This tells me things just weren't what they appeared to be for some time and there is nothing worse than betrayal and being fed lies. In my opinion, you deserve a far better reason that the ones he gave you but you cannot force him to really tell you what it is. It's likely he's scared in the same way he's been scared to be honest with you for months about what he really feels or any reservations he has. He may not have someone else but he deliberately continued that relationship with you up to the very part until you're moving and uprooting yourself. This is extremely deceptive and inconsiderate. You are taking it remarkably well continuing to work on you and go to the gym and stay focused.

    Don't lower yourself to him, don't beg with him, don't ask him for another chance, don't beg him for reasons and as painful as it will be, I'd maintain distance and let him realize what a fucking moron he is. If he needs to work on himself he sure didn't need to do it at your expense. Don't for one second believe that you don't deserve any better. He may be going through other issues but that's no way to treat you. Re-focus and orient yourself according to your career and keep your head straight. Remember your priorities and go there and kill it at your job.


    • #3
      Just tell him that you need space now that he's asked for space and to please stop contacting you until he figures himself out. Tell him that from this moment forward you are considering yourself broken up and not on a break. Do your best to cancel the transfer and if you can't do that then also tell him to leave you alone at work and don't try to engage you in any kind of contact, tell him you have too much self-respect to allow anyone to demote you to "just friend." Then go no contact and ignore his crumbs unless they say he's sorry and he wants to reconcile.

      Don't let him use you to help him get over you.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


      • #4
        Bb83 You need to stand your ground. Remind him that he is the one who said he needed a break so you are giving him what he had requested. It is what HE wanted so give him a real break! Make it clear to him regarding no more texts (emails / messages / calls). Be strong. Remain professional and polite. It's over so you have to readjust yourself for the sake of your sanity and paycheck.

        I say play it cool. I'm not saying to be mean and heartless. I'm saying you need to be gracious, respectful, gentle yet FIRM. Tell him you don't want to be pals, buddies and chummy friends. Tell him you'll act natural and be nice to him at work since you work together in close proximity and that's all there is. Tell him you won't deliberately ignore him at work; you will remain professionally pleasant and again, that's all there will be. No more no less. There is a way to make an exit from his life diplomatically if you handle this right. Remain calm and don't get emotional. Once he senses your seriousness, he should back off and respect your wishes. No matter what, don't be a hot head. Be kind yet let him know that no means no. Handle yourself with grace and you'll be all right.


        • #5
          You don't have to pretend to not have feelings, Its OK to have feelings and its nothing to be ashamed of. It sounds to me like he did meet someone else and wanted to explore that for bit, hence asking for a break. But he also wants you to stick around in case nothing happens with whoever he met. This isn't fair to you. Get that transfer away from him and cut him off.
          I say it as I see it. Don't take it personally!


          • #6
            Bb83 I'm so sorry that you are being treated this way after an extended relationship. It sounds very confusing as to what your BF wants or is looking for. I would use this time to look at your life goals and see what you want out of life and if this is the person you want to be involved with. As others have mentioned, I would consider telling him that a break is a break and that you can't just hang out. That doesn't seem fair to you. I think you are wise to have a cordial and polite working relationship with him, but it seems as though cutting off anything more would be a smart move. Give him time to think and use this time for yourself. What kinds of things do you enjoy doing? This free time can be used constructively on doing things you love and relearning about what you like to do and people you want to spend time with.