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I lied - what now?

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  • I lied - what now?

    My partner and I have been together for 3 years and the relationship is great and going strong. When we first met, I told a couple of lies because I thought I needed to to be good enough for him and his family (which is completely untrue now that I know them and I wish I could take it back). Now Iím freaking out because the relationship is very serious and weíve spoken about marriage and kids, but Iím worried about what will happen if/when the lies come out. I could tell my partner the truth and Iím sure he would get over it, but I have no idea how I could break it to his family..... I donít know what to do

  • #2
    What lies did you tell?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      I lied about where I grew up and where I went to school, my parents professions. They didnít seem like big things at the time, but Iím sure the truth could come out.

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      • #4
        I suggest you tell the truth to your partner, and I think you should have done it before, if you have been together for 3 years.

        Lying is never a good way to start a relationship.

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        • #5
          Those are some big whoppers. If you think you have a real future with this man, sit him down over a glass of wine and tell him the truth.
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Samm View Post
            I lied about where I grew up and where I went to school, my parents professions. They didnít seem like big things at the time, but Iím sure the truth could come out.
            Surely he's met your parents already? After three years has it not come up what they do for a living and therefore your lie being uncovered? Did you grow up in the hood or something and were embarrassed? Anything else you've lied about to him?

            If you do tell him then what will your excuse to him be for telling such tall tales?
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7

              Samm Come clean, fess up, be honest, forthright and tell the truth. He and his family will find out sooner or later where you're from and perhaps eventually some details such as school and piece it together. It's always better to be humble, have humility, admit you made a terrible mistake, tell the truth, apologize SINCERELY and make amends. And, be honest. Tell him / them why you lied. Perhaps it was because you wanted to impress upon them because you were ashamed or embarrassed of your background. When you're extremely humble and show humility like that, people tend to be more sympathetic, compassionate and forgiving. You need to be thorough whenever you apologize in order to be emphatic and so they know your reasons. Not that it's an excuse but it helps your plea as you ask them for forgiveness. Ask them that. Lower yourself which is being humble and showing humility. Be selfless when it comes to your apology because it will demonstrate your sincerity.

              People will trust you more when you take care of the problem in the beginning as opposed to later when you're caught in a lie. When you're caught in a lie, that's when it's really and truly unforgivable and people have a hard time recovering from a lie both from you and them. Get this over and done with. Then make plans for marriage and kids.

              If it doesn't work out between you and your partner, then at least you know in your heart that you told the truth and made things right. However, I really hope it works out for both of you towards marriage and family. Honesty is the best policy and it's called doing the right thing.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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              • #8
                I agree with Phases. How could it be that after three years he hasn't already figured out where you grew up and what your parents do/did for a living? Hasn't he met your family?

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                • #9
                  Just correct it and move on. Who the heck cares what your parents did in their professions or where you went to school. This is piddly tiny peanuts to me. If you're talking marriage this is the guy who's going to be washing your laundry, seeing your shit stains in the toilet, there with you through childbirth, and going to be there with you through blood, sweat and tears...literally. And then you wash and repeat and do it with wrinkles and gray hair. Get over it and be happy.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                    If you're talking marriage this is the guy who's going to be washing your laundry, seeing your shit stains in the toilet, there with you through childbirth, and going to be there with you through blood, sweat and tears...literally. And then you wash and repeat and do it with wrinkles and gray hair. Get over it and be happy.
                    I'm starting to think that Rosie needs an intervention.

                    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                    • #11
                      Frankly, I feel sorry for the OP who's beating herself up over something so insignificant. It's a bit silly making this into a big deal. Think of all the time wasted and that time that could be spent building your future together and laughing more. A guy who starts looking at you differently because your parents worked different jobs is NOT a guy you want to marry.

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                      • #12
                        So if its so insignificant, WTF did she lie about it? Its not what her parents do that is the effing issue... it's the fact she lied about it. Believe it or not, to some people lying, especially about something "insignificant" is a deal breaker.

                        Op's not been back. Perhaps her whole thread is yet another lie.
                        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                        • #13
                          This is all about OP and what she did. Why are people attacking her poor boyfriend who hasn't done anything.
                          Last edited by Dazed & Confused; November 7th, 2018, 04:15 PM.

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                          • #14
                            I think there is another misunderstanding there. I'm not sure where you are interpreting any attack and seem ultra sensitive when it comes to boyfriends and men (this is in reference to D&C's multiple posts about attacks on men). As far as I know I seem to be the only one who's not making a big deal out of it. I completely agree lies are wrong. But we don't live in a perfect world either.

                            People date to get to know one another. You end up finding things that are nice and some that may not be so nice. We see each others' true colours. In a textbook world, yes, perhaps we would like to imagine everyone hangs their shit out on a clean white paper and we do clear powerpoint presentations for example about our parents, what our childhood was like and we offer tips and suggestions to our partners about how to work better with us. This does not happen in the real world. Shit gets real, people do feel intimidated for whatever reasons, white lies do come out, people should acknowledge it, come clean and rebuild on that relationship stronger. That's part and parcel of learning and growing together as a couple.

                            What is the point shaming the OP or empathizing with a "boyfriend" none of us know about? She said some white lies. Big fing deal. Just acknowledge that it was wrong, come clean and see what kind of man he is. If he judges her for her parents' jobs or where she spent her childhood, well, was he worth your time in the first place? OP grew. She saw she was wrong and fixed it. That's what matters. If he doesn't like it he can go jump off a bridge for all she should care.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                              So if its so insignificant, WTF did she lie about it? Its not what her parents do that is the effing issue... it's the fact she lied about it. Believe it or not, to some people lying, especially about something "insignificant" is a deal breaker.

                              Op's not been back. Perhaps her whole thread is yet another lie.
                              Most likely another fiction writer.
                              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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