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I can't stop thinking of this girl who's changed my life complete.

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  • I can't stop thinking of this girl who's changed my life complete.

    I don't know where to start as this girl has changed my life completely and has now destroyed me mentally.

    I'm 35 years old and I have been with a woman who's 50 for over 11 years, we've been married for 2 of those years and I was happy, I have a step-grandchild who I love with all my heart and I thought my life was perfect. I decided back in June that I would start to improve my fitness, however since I do not enjoy the gym I thought I would try something completely different and started climbing at an indoor climbing centre. I started on one of the introduction courses which was with me, two blokes and a 21 year old girl, since the blokes are quite large I was paired with the girl. Now at the time I never thought anything of it, I talked about my wife, my life in general and she talked about hers, and all 4 of us started a WhatsApp group to chat whilst not climbing so it was an all friendly in the beginning. After the course had completed we all continued to climb together and continued to be friends.

    One evening I went climbing, the 2 blokes decided to cancel at the last minute so it was just me and this girl climbing that evening, we had a great time like usually and nothing happened (if you was thinking that), she mentioned that she was single and I noticed that a few younger guys were checking her out, so I mentioned them to her, but she didn't say anything. When I got home I thought I would be polite and thank her over WhatsApp privately (I don't know why I did it privately....bloke thing I guess) saying that I enjoyed tonight and thanks for not jumping ship the moment it was just me and her that evening, she replied saying its no problem and that she was content with climbing with me.

    The following evening she privately messaged me saying that she had gone climbing with another group and they were asking her if I was her boyfriend, I'm not sure what she told them as she never said however I replied jokingly that she should be insulted and I should be taking that as a compliment #StillGotIt. Later in the conversation she mentioned the guys I was pointing to whilst climbing together the other evening and she said they aren't her type, we started to chat more and more and eventually over the next few days she asked if I was hitting on her or just being nice, I was a little taking back by the question and didn't know how to respond. I started to think about my life and started to question everything, why am I privately messaging a girl all the time, why am I getting excited to see her each time I go climbing, I think I realised that I have feeling for her, so I responded that I had feelings for her (I know, I know). At first she said that she thinks she has feeling for me but didn't commit, but later she said that she did and that she would struggle to be around me because I am married.

    I don't know whats happened but she asked me to stop texting her and blocked me after one text message, the text message was only an apology for the stress I may have caused and that I had feelings for her, she won't acknowledge me at climbing anymore either. I have gone into complete self-destruct mode, I can't stop thinking about her, I feel nothing for my wife anymore and even though I'm trying to get over this girl and trying to make it work with my wife but I'm struggling. I'm sure I deserve everything that's coming to me. I've read some google articles about how to try and get over a girl and one of them is to keep distance and to focus on myself which I've tried to but over the last month she's the last thing I think of before I go to sleep and the first thing when I wake, she's changed everything in my life and disappears.

    I just don't know what to do or how to get over her.
    Last edited by Cable; October 10th, 2018, 10:12 AM.

  • #2
    Find another fitness center.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      Where would being with a ding a ling 21 year old get you? Straighten yourself out and go for a walk. I can understand if you're tempted by someone a bit more on par with you and the maturity that your age and experience should suggest but this is just laughable. No 21 year old will continue to respect a man who deceives his wife. She'll grow up, amigo, and she'll see you for what you really are so your "feelings" better go right back into your balls where they came from. Your best play is to join a different gym and spend more time with your wife. If things are not working out at home, ask yourself why and dig deeper.


      • #4
        If the 21 yr old was to post on here her version of the story , the advice given would be to do exactly what she has done ... cut you off. And the reason for that advice would be because sheís in a situation where a married man is behaving inappropriately. So good on her!

        She has not changed your life complete, itís ridiculous to even suggest so.
        Your life is the same as it was 4 months ago.
        What is happening within your marriage that has caused you to drift? You canít blame a random 21 yr old for that.


        • #5
          .The age old story, guy decides he wants to get fit and looking better for his partner, young hot chick notices him and he starts thinking he's some young stud again and becomes infatuated with the cute chick. Now the story usually ends with the hot chick being a gold digger and taking him for everything and destroying his life. or a scam artist stroking his ego and he stats thinking with his other brain (actually the case in both scenarios ) until he realizes he isn't some young stud some a fool. Count yourself lucky your's had the morals to see where it was going and got out. You need to focus on your marriage, you and your wife need to get to a good marriage and family counselor preferably a Christian one, since your vows were taken before God. also I have enclosed an article about the dangers of private messaging and flirting on social media Prayers my friend.