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New here! Desperately sad and depressed

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  • New here! Desperately sad and depressed

    Hello there

    This looks like a great place hoping there's some welcome advice as I'm so low.

    My partner of 4 years is the absolute world to me, I have never felt love like it. My daughter lovesbher to bits too. However...

    Over the last 12 months shes has had a few ''wobbles' where she says she's unsure of how she feels anymore and a few times has said she wants to leave .I've always managed to talk her round, and then she's fine for a while and then they return.

    As a result im constantly insecure , not knowing from one minute to the next where I stand, sometimes feeling everything is perfect but always in the background waiting for the wobble to rerun and it be the real thing this time .

    I've also come across emails to her sister where she is saying she's unsure and doesnt feel attracted .

    I'm so hurt and day to day feel like I'm treading water just to survive the pain .It's like an axe waiting to fall and Ive even wondered whether I should end it just to have some rest from the anxiety, but I love her too much and can't bear the thought of losing her.

    Sorry for this. Anyone been in a similar situation.

    Thanks all

  • #2
    Well, it sounds as though you've already lost her, but you're still going through the motions of a relationship. When a woman starts to hesitate like this, saying she doesn't feel attracted and is unsure how she feels, that's a sign that it's over. She may be talked into staying strictly out of guilt and not wanting to disrupt her daughter's life.

    You have to come to grips with the idea that she probably is planning to end it.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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    • #3
      I agree with Sarah. You'll do yourself a favour by not talking her down next time. Remember, when someone shows you that they don't deserve to be in your life, believe them. That you have to constantly do that with this person suggests that she doesn't respect you either.

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      • #4
        Yep I realise this is probably the case

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        • #5
          Stuart... I'm sorry you're going through this. Would she consider couples therapy to try and figure out why she's become apathetic about the relationship and how you can possibly re-engage her emotionally?

          If she won't go to therapy with you and you're not going to just pull the cord on the relationship yourself, then I suggest you do your best to begin disengaging yourself so that you're ready for when the other shoe drops.
          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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          • #6
            When she says she wants to leave does she ever make a concerted effort to? Does she have a plan? Does she live with you?
            It sounds like she is procrastinating and delaying the inevitable.

            What is it that you say to her to convince her to stay?

            She clearly was attracted to you initially and to stay 4 years.
            What has changed? Attraction can go when physically nothing has changed but the person as a whole has. Things like being less driven , less goal orientated etc. A stagnant relationship, repetitiveness , boredom.

            Forget what she said to her sister , what does she tell you the reason for her to wanting to leave is?
            Bring it up with her when she isnít having a wobble, she will likely be more honest then.

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