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Should I cut him off completely? I'm confused and heartbroken

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  • Should I cut him off completely? I'm confused and heartbroken

    I lived and worked together with my friend 2 months. Pretty fast we got really closed to each other and emotionally attached. We acted like a couple but we called each other "more than friends". After first month I found out that he was still texting and flirting with other girls. But we had a talk about it and it seemed like he understood me and started treating us more serious. At some point we both admitted that we see our future together. After these 2 months I had to go back to my country but we both wanted to continue our relationship. Everyday he kept asking me if I could come to visit him and stay with him for a while. Also I wanted him to visit me. Suddenly we started arguing a lot. Long distance didn't work for us. We both got emotional and probably I pressured him too much. While arguing again, he made spontaneous decision that maybe it's better for us to not to see again and just stay friends. Right after that he started using dating app and arranging dates with random girls. Meanwhile he also was texting me and telling me how he needs me and misses me. He told he wants to see me so we could talk about us and see where we are going. I was very confused and heartbroken cause he already was planning to date someone (actually he was texting with friend of my friends that's why I know a lot, he was very excited about dating her even though she's in an open relationship). He didn't know that I knew about him using dating app and asked him if we are exclusive. He didn't want to answer and completely avoided my question. Finally he got pretty mad and angry that I wanted such a commitment from him and told me that we are not in a relationship yet so we can do whatever we want and he's not going to sit on his own till I come to visit him. Again he said that maybe it will be better if we make a break. After a weekend he texted me like nothing's happened between us and called me in an affectionate way. I felt like he treated me like an option and the fact that he chose freedom to date other girls over being with me hit me hard. I told him about my feelings but he acted like he completely didn't understand me, also he said he never used dating site (which was a lie). I decided to no contact him and move on. It's been 2 weeks since we had our last conversation and he's still texting me that he thinks about me everyday and asking if it's already too late for us. Even though I ignore his messages he's still contacting me, commenting my post on facebook etc. I kinda feel like he manipulates me and tests the water. He is still active on dating site.
    Does this situation look for you like he is a player? I heard that last year after his hard break up with a girl he spent 11 years he became a womanizer and dated many girls at once and didn't want anything serious from them. I didn't want to look back at his past and judge him but I think in this situation his past can tell a lot about what kind of guy he is. Also I noticed that he has a problem with alcohol and might have a covert depression. He opened up to me about his booze problem. Also I thought maybe I put too much pressure on him and he became confused and that's why he got back to his simpler single life. I want to be with him and help him but can I explain his behavior and how he treats me by his mental issues and addiction?

    (Also, maybe that's important, one time after our big argument we had when we were together he also suddenly started using dating app, but the next day he deleted his account).
    Last edited by KatieRussell; October 8th, 2018, 09:29 AM.

  • #2
    You were right to end contact with him.
    You didn't mean as much to him as he did to you. You were just one of many girls he used to have some fun. No more, no less.

    If you truly want to move on, which you should, then end all contact. Delete and block him on social media. Block his number. Tell your friends not to talk about him anymore and not to keep you updated on his activities. Don't look him up online or check for dating site profiles. Move on with your life.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      He's an inexperienced casual dater. Casual dating means seeing more than one person at a time but he's obviously still shaky and confused, applying relationship expressions in his dialogue while dating multiple individuals and he isn't cleaning up after himself very well (sloppy). Count this one as experience for you, OP. Learn to read between the lines a bit better. It's not your fault for putting your heart out there or getting to know someone like that. We all learned how to read people by misreading them first. If he doesn't make you feel good, move on. I agree with Ayla about cutting off all contact in order to do so. You'll get to know different people soon enough and learn that this isn't a bad way to get to know others but casual dating does call for some class and finesse and being honest about intentions. You don't have to put up with someone who is deceitful in any manner.
      Last edited by Rose Mosse; October 10th, 2018, 03:21 AM.


      • #4
        Relationships can be very hard sometimes. Sometimes it is best for both parties to take time and focus on what is best for themselves and focus on their health. I would advise you both do that and maybe after some time it will get better and you will find your way back to each other. I hope everything works out.