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Confused, need help getting ex back.

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  • Confused, need help getting ex back.

    Ive known this guy for my entire life now, ever since childhood weíve been very good friends. His either is my best friend and we all see eachother very regularly. After some absence of a couple years, we began to hang out again and I quickly found myself developing feelings for this individual, he recuperated them. It happened pretty quickly, but I know everything was genuine. We began to date after a month of that and hit it off well. We have virtually everything in common and have a lot of the same principals and ideas. What went wrong was the communication and lack of effort I put in. I didnít show enough physical affection to him, thus pushing him away unintentionally. I would always reassure him that I loved him but understandably that wasnít enough. I acknowledge this is my fault and that he likely has lost Romantic feelings for me because of it after he broke up with me. He doesnít contact me, but he does like my pictures and interact with things I post. Heís complimented my outfits a couple times too. My friends have said theyíve caught him staring at me at times, as we still hang out. Iíve gone about the no contact rule and donít post as often or make my presence known to him unless I find myself face to Face. He canít hold eye contact for more than two seconds before his gaze wanders. Iím not sure if thatís good or bad. Recently he made a post expressing the fact that he doesnít want a relationship with anyone and wants to ďfool around but has no motivationĒ. This made me pretty upset but then I started to think he could be looking for a rebound. I really want him back, as Iím genuinely in love with him. I just happened to Ben in a bad state of mind at the time of our relationship and now that Iíve healed and re evaluated during myself I want to approach him soon. ITs been about 2-3 weeks since our breakup and Iím thinking of waiting till the end of this month. He told me that our relationship was the first one he genuinely felt and had true love for. I feel the same. Any advice? He doesnít talk to people about his feelings much and is very introverted. He is extremely difficult to read, as I didnít even know he liked me before he told me the first time.
    Last edited by Blutom; October 8th, 2018, 09:07 AM.

  • #2
    How much physical affection do you think would be enough? You may have known each other for years, be good friends, share same values, etc. but that doesn't change the fact that you are in a new dynamic of a relationship (dating) and that you need to learn more about each other to be successful romantic partners before getting tied up emotionally and physically. If you feel you are in a better state of mind, you can ask him if he would reconsider getting back together, but you both get to decide the expectations of your relationship - you both should give. Also his latest post about fooling around would make me wary of the kind of guy he is. Just because a guy is a childhood friend (been there, done that) doesn't make him a good romantic partner if he lacks motivation, faithfulness, commitment, etc. I hope you don't get hurt when you find out who he's been 'fooling around' with during your break-up. He may have already moved on.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by ArtsyAngel63 View Post
      How much physical affection do you think would be enough? You may have known each other for years, be good friends, share same values, etc. but that doesn't change the fact that you are in a new dynamic of a relationship (dating) and that you need to learn more about each other to be successful romantic partners before getting tied up emotionally and physically. If you feel you are in a better state of mind, you can ask him if he would reconsider getting back together, but you both get to decide the expectations of your relationship - you both should give. Also his latest post about fooling around would make me wary of the kind of guy he is. Just because a guy is a childhood friend (been there, done that) doesn't make him a good romantic partner if he lacks motivation, faithfulness, commitment, etc. I hope you don't get hurt when you find out who he's been 'fooling around' with during your break-up. He may have already moved on.
      I agree, I was the main reason things didnít go too well, because my pace wasnít slow and I was afraid to lower my defenses. I do think Iíve been able to change and become a lot more motivated. Part of me believes his latest post was to stir a reaction in me, but Iím positive heís fairthful, as not only have I seen his behavior in other relationships, but heís also quite antisocial and hasnít been cheated on before. Weíre still very close so I know he wouldnít try to hurt me, as his brother would also tell me so.

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      • #4
        Okay - so will you wait until the end of the month to ask him to reconsider? Will you call him or see him?

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        • #5
          I prefer to see him. I plan on initially seeing him with friends and then asking him to speak for a moment before leaving. Thatís when I plan of talking about it all.

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          • #6
            Okay. Good luck to you!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Blutom View Post

              I agree, I was the main reason things didnít go too well, because my pace wasnít slow and I was afraid to lower my defenses. I do think Iíve been able to change and become a lot more motivated. Part of me believes his latest post was to stir a reaction in me, but Iím positive heís fairthful, as not only have I seen his behavior in other relationships, but heís also quite antisocial and hasnít been cheated on before. Weíre still very close so I know he wouldnít try to hurt me, as his brother would also tell me so.
              Why are you blaming yourself for what seems to me as a simple matter of incompatibility?
              You are bullshitting yourself here!
              His behaviour in other relationships cannot be compared to his behaviour in yours.
              Who cares what his brother would or wouldnít say? But at the end of the day his brothers loyalty lies with him not you.

              How long did you date him?



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              • #8
                Blutom He's letting you know he has moved on in his own way and prefers to have a distant friendship / social media friendship with you. And, why on earth would you want to have a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship with him since you know he only "wants to fool around without motivation?" He sounds like a loser to me. You can certainly do better.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                • #9
                  I know he comes off as douchey with that post, but I genuinely believe he posted it to get a reaction out of me. Heís not a player and I know that and am confident in saying that. If he was, I wouldnít have been drawn to him, as Iíve had enough of those types of men. Weíve been dating for about 5 months until the breakup. Heís not an asshole, and is actually very kind to everyone. He also specified on that post that despite wanting to move on part of him doesnít feel like it either. This made me think maybe heís still hug up over me. It would explain some of his behaviors. I just need to know how to convince him that Iíve changed and want to be a Moreno openly affectionate and evidently loving person.

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                  • #10
                    HE also isnt someone who plays around with girls and prefers relationships, this is why I believe this is a facade. We even spoke about it before getting together. I know his love history as well.
                    Last edited by Blutom; October 9th, 2018, 11:04 AM.

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                    • #11
                      Sounds like he's just dealing. He doesn't trust you anymore and he may have an altered opinion of you because of your falling out. Let the dust settle and leave him alone to figure things out. I think if you pursue him you just look off, OP. It sounds like you hang out in mutual circles. You don't have to be so obvious. He'll notice you and see a change in you if he's still in love with you. Let him come to you.

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                      • #12
                        Thank you, I did think that. He seemed a lot like he was uncomfortable at some points so I tried to steer clear. Iíll likely reduce the amount I see him and try not to for at least a week or two.

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