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  • Been cheated on

    After 13 years my boyfriend cheated on me. How do I forgive him and move forward.

  • #2
    Joesofla You forgive by allowing yourself to have time to grieve over this deceit. Also, know the meaning of forgive. Forgive does not mean condone nor forget. Forgive means you won't wish ill will nor hold grudges against those who've wronged you sorely.

    Enforce healthy boundaries with everyone which is a huge part of forgiveness.

    Forgiving is very hard because I know you feel embittered and resentful towards your perpetrator.

    Engage in healthy distractions for yourself for life. Whenever I feel depressed over negative past thoughts, I exercise 7 days a week, diet diligently and it helps lift sad thoughts from my brain. Also, working out gives you clarity to think logically, sensibly and reasonably. You ought to try it.

    You move forward by knowing those 13 years were not all in vain. Your key takeaway is learning from your mistakes so you know how to navigate your life in the future and you know how to deal with people either directly or dump them if they're hopelessly inept.

    Always take painful experiences as harsh lessons learned and consider your new discovered intelligence after betrayal. Think of wisdom gained and its positive aftereffects despite the pain you endured in order to attain it.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      You can't force yourself to forgive him.
      Forgiveness comes naturally over time, or it doesn't. It can take years for things to settle down again, although it's equally possible that you'll never trust him again.
      Give yourself some time to learn to accept what happened and then figure out where you want to go from here. You can't know right now whether staying together is right in the long run.
      Ask yourself if you're staying with him because of fear of the unknown or fear of being alone. If so, think long and hard about the kind of future you want and whether a cheater is really what you deserve in life.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        First of all, I am so sorry to hear. Thirteen years is quite awhile to develop a connection and to then be betrayed.

        First, give yourself time to feel the grief, embrace it, listen to a sad playlist and cry and cry and cry again. If your sadness turns to anger, find healthy ways to vent. Speaking to family or friends, exercise, kickboxing?...don't compare yourself to whoever he cheated with.

        Grieve your loss some more.

        Then, start thinking forward. What next? Should you take some time as a single? Yes, probably for your own good and healing. (unless you find a way to stay together, otherwise the rest would be..)

        Don't be afraid to trust again when the time is right - but make sure they earn your trust - don't just give it.

        Write a letter to your ex. Don't send it. But write down what hurts, how you feel, bad and good memories.

        Grieve some more.

        Then wipe your tears, stand strong, know how valuable you are, and leave him in the past.

        Do what you must - remove on social medias, or simply don't seek him out on purpose.

        Wishing you the best as you heal and become stronger than ever before.
        Last edited by ArtsyAngel63; October 8th, 2018, 03:44 AM.

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