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I didnít just lose her I lost my step kids too 😢

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  • I didnít just lose her I lost my step kids too 😢

    Hello everybody Iím new here I wasnít going to post anything but I feel like itíll help me.A little about me Iím 29 years old and for the past 3 1/2 years Iíve been dating a woman actually my first real long relationship that has three kids from a previous marriage.Well as of now I have lost her and her children who Iíve considered my own because I helped raise them for the past 3 1/2 years and Iím very attached.

    Long story short our relationship was great at first but for the past couple years itís been horrible and a lot of it is my fault due to alcoholism we broke up in the middle of May she actually left me and I realized why she left me and it was because of my drinking.for the past three months I have been sober lost a lot of weight been working out got a good new job making six figures.A couple of weeks after we broke up she was posting on Facebook pictures of her and her new date this hurt really bad and it made me realize how much I loved her. Fast forward to July and we started talking again she said she wasnít happy with the new guy and that her and the kids missed me we planned on getting back together but she found out that she was pregnant by this new guy.

    I woke up one morning to a text message from her letting me know that she was pregnant She wanted to cut off all contact with me because she felt it was over and at that time I also thought it was over because I just couldnít look at her the same.and I know because of our values she would not abort the baby we stopped talking after after that until the end of August start of September.After being completely heartbroken and confused for a month and a half I decided to email her which was probably a mistake she responded and let me know that she was not with the guy anymore and she didnít want anything to do with him so we got back together and I was so happy to see the kids and they were happy to see me I was also happy to see her.

    keep in mind this whole time she is still pregnant right now she is at 16 weeks I was so happy to have them back in my life there were my little family I love them and miss them and just today she told me is that she doesnít think itís going to work and I donít think it will either because sheís bearing another manís child and just looking at her stomach brings all these mixed emotions and it hurts me we tried having kids for two years and it never happened and this man knocked her up in four months she wasnít supposed to be able to have kids and we always thought it was me to something about my fertility well I got it checked and everything is just completely and utterly healthy. I donít understand why I didnít get to have a baby with her I always wanted my own child and this man who put in four months of his time gets to have a child with my girlfriend of four years itís just not fair Iím so heartbroken and sad why does somebody that just came in as a picture for months ago get to keep the woman Iíve been with for four years in his life forever while she just locks me out since I donít have children with her?Iíve always wanted children and she said that after this child she doesnít want to have anymore because her body really canít handle it anyway what do I do everybody do I just completely utterly walk away from the situation? Iím so hurt and lost I just want my family back but I know things will never be the same she shares a bond with another man that I can never have this is really hard you guys this is the hardest thing Iíve ever been through and with the holidays coming up it looks like itís going to be a long and dark winter any advice would help because not only did I lose her Iím losing the children as well And I have no say because they are not my children Iíve been crying all day long and itís hard to work I donít know what to do

  • #2
    You walk away.
    I'm sorry, but that's all there's left to do.

    She's been on and off since you've known her. She's never fully committed to you or this relationship. She's run off and dated others the whole time, and you've always been there as a safety net.... But that's all you are.
    You're a soft pillow to land on when she falls. You're someone she can turn to when she's lonely.
    But you're not the guy she wants to end up with. She'll use you as a comfort pillow until someone better comes along.

    Walk away now and spare yourself the heartache. She'll never be fully yours, and you'll always know part of her is already out the door. Let her be someone elses problem.
    Bite through the hurt. It gets better. Heartache heals. Sit it out. Cry if you need to. Then get your life together again. Take up a hobby. Expand your social circle. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

    Good luck
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      First I think you should get yourself into a 12 step program through Alcoholics Anonymous. They will support your while you recover from alcohol and they will tell you that you should avoid dating anyone for the first year of your sobriety. If you can't cope with the withdrawl of no longer having this woman and HER children in your life then by all means see a therapist to help you get through your grief. Once your closer to the stage of indifference to her through zero contact and with help of AA/therapist, you will realize and accept that you're better off without her and her FOUR children, none of which are yours.

      Work on yourself and get clean and sober so that you can meet a good woman with whom you can have your own babies with. There is no point having anything to do with children if you're not going to keep yourself free of alcohol. No child wants a troubled drinker as a dad.

      You'll be just fine in time.

      In future, don't meet a woman's children until you are sure that the relationship is going to last. How long did you date before you incorporated yourself into their lives?
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

      Comment


      • #4
        First, focus on your sobriety. Second, get some counseling to help you work through 1) your grief, 2) your sobriety, and 3) making a plan for you life. You've only 29.

        If you set some goals and keep sober you can do anything you want including finding a great woman with no baggage and having a family of your own.

        This will pass and the future will be much brighter.

        Hang in there.

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        • #5
          To the gentleman who asked up above I Incorporated myself into the childrenís lives almost immediately I met them the first night that we dated.

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          • #6
            Also everybody is it wrong to feel like Iím getting too old not having kids or family at 30 years old is strange it seems like almost everybody has a family by now I feel like Iím left behind I just want to be loved and I want to extend love I never had a dad and I want to show that to my children.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Nh183933 View Post
              To the gentleman who asked up above I Incorporated myself into the childrenís lives almost immediately I met them the first night that we dated.
              Well, that's messed up. Don't be doing that again. If some single mother pushes you to meet her kids, tell her you'd rather wait to make sure the relationship will last past the honeymoon stage and you both know you're a good together as a couple.
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Nh183933 View Post
                Also everybody is it wrong to feel like Iím getting too old not having kids or family at 30 years old is strange it seems like almost everybody has a family by now I feel like Iím left behind I just want to be loved and I want to extend love I never had a dad and I want to show that to my children.
                Of course you're not too old to have a family. Life is journey not a race. Watch and learn from those who started ahead of you, but don't let that make you feel you are being left behind.

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                • #9
                  I am sorry for what you have gone through,I am also sorry for what these children are being put through, moving from guy to guy playing house with no commitment, and when things get rough , off to a new guy for her and probably a new baby daddy. These kids are going to need serious therapy. But as for you you do need yo get yourself straightened out by getting into a 12 step program like AA and get some counseling. You also need to give yourself sometime to grieve your loss. I have enclosed some articles about addictions and where to find help https://list.ly/list/1hOc-when-substances-control Also there is a great organization that can give you free counseling advise and refer you to professionals in your area. FOTF Counseling Line 1-855-382-5433. I will be praying for you and the children.

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