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  • What to do??? ?????I'm

    I will spare you guys the boring details the best I can but I am lost at this point. I have been married for 5 years and I adore this lady with everything in me. That being said, she has an addiction to Tramadol and it is ruining our lives. When we started dating I drank a lot. She told me one weekend that it was either the drinking or her but I had to choose. I dropped it like a dead fly. Never drank again. Been sober now for 6 years and i have told her the same thing. its the pills or me. Well, she then says I don't love her, I should love her regardless of her addiction. She turns it around and acts like I'm running away and not being there for her when she needs me the most. She just knows that she will lose everything. She knows she will have to live with her parents, and she wont have money all the time for her pills. I'm not an idiot. I know i'm being lied too and used. When I say she has an addiction, I mean she takes 15 to 20 pills a day. It makes her like a zombie, just going through the motions. No personality, no affection. She never can admit shes wrong, shes the type that KNOWS it ALL. Makes me sick to be honest. I know deep down the girl I love is still in there. I make excuses for her, She had a son that was 21 that lost his life in a house fire a couple of years before we started dating. I know I could never deal with that type of loss. The pills do help her with depression, but its just got so out of hand. Im just lost guys. I love her so damn dearly, Shes my everything. She is always thinking im gonna cheat on her when I have never even come close and never would. She just doesnt get it to be honest. What would you guys do? I dont know how to force her to get help.

  • #2
    The first thing you could do is join a support group for family member of addicts such as Al-Anon or Narc-Anon. There you will see that your addicted wife's behavior is pretty much what all addicts do. The guilting, manipulation, lying, excuses, etc. It's all par for the course. Then you'll see how others like you have tried everything you've tried to get a change. And hopefully, you learn some strategies that will actually work.

    The other thing you can do is research some treatment options--preferably in-patient--and how you can access them.

    Then you have to prepare yourself for taking a stand.

    Good luck

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    • #3
      As long as you stay with her and don't give her the ultimatum she gave you years ago, you are enabling her to remain on the drug.

      Where is she getting her pills? I don't think there are any doctors out there that would prescribe 20 pills a day to her. I assume she's buying on the street. Where is she getting the money for those pills if that's the case?

      You need to talk to her doctor (I'll also assume that she is getting some from a doctor) and tell him/her just how many she's taking and get referrals to an in treatment rehab. Then, when she's graduated and been clean for 30 to 60 days of in house treatment, then she'll need to keep herself clean with the help of support groups and personal therapy to help her with the grief she has not come to terms with over the loss of her son.

      Stop enabling her. While you stay with her and support her, she has the resources to continue taking her drug of choice.
      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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      • #4
        You made a point. You said: it's the pills or me.
        She chose the pills, and you haven't left.
        She now believes she can puch you around and walk all over you, and you won't leave.
        Prove her wrong, for her sake as much as yours. She may need this to realise how bad she's gotten.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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        • #5
          Squirrel007 it's not clear, or relevant actually, how long you've been on this road, but there seems to be a long way to go yet. From here where I sit, it looks like she needs you whether she realizes it or not. Addiction is just so destructive. And your wife has been though a lot. Y'all are in my prayers.
          I wouldn't get too hung up on the me vs the pills ultimatum. It doesn't sound like she's in the right place to make the correct choice there. All or nothing power plays are risky propositions in ideal circumstances, doubly so when emotions & body chemistry are involved. Helping your wife thru this doesn't make you a doormat, as much as a safety blanket.
          Have you tried getting her to outside help, Dr. and/or therapy? It may be time. God speed.

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