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Holding on to love...

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  • Holding on to love...

    I was in a relationship for just over 4 years and I had reoccurring depression episodes. On the second one I decided to break up with my girlfriend because work, money and stress was too much. At the time I didn't want to do it but the depression made me isolate myself. I regret doing it because almost two years later I still love her as much as ever. We keep in touch and she says she loves me but "that doesn't mean were right for each other". 8 months ago we started talking because she emailed me saying she "still had feelings for me", while I was overseas traveling. When I got back we hung out a few times and she would talk to me about how she was unhappy in her current relationship. I thought we were getting back for sure but I didn't hit on her, just there as a friend and patiently waited. A month ago she broke up with him and saw me the same day. We hung out talked and I knew she was upset so I didn't make a pass. A couple days later she said that I was a distraction all these months and that she just wants to be friends and is trying again with her ex. I have been heartbroken ever since because I have given myself false hope all this time. Now I am in financial trouble but the thought of getting back with her gave me hope at happiness. I have dated other girls in the last couple years but nothing ever seems right. I am 35 and feel like I cant fall in love again like I did with her. I asked her if there was any hope in getting back together and she said "not in this point and time" so I still hold on to those words. I am always so sad and depressed because I blame myself for doing something wrong to change her mind. I filled with regret and I know I am supposed to move on but I'll never find someone like her again. She was my best friend and my depression took that away from me.

  • #2
    You've had recurring episodes of depression that led you to break up with your girlfriend and you are still suffering from depression. Have you ever sought treatment for your depression?

    Using your partner as a cure/treatment for depression is too much to ask of them. And no health person wants to be in a relationship with someone who has a chronic illness (mental or physical). Therefore, your ex girlfriend -- who knows about your depression-- is not going to consider a relationship with you again UNTIL she sees you've got better control of your illness.

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    • #3
      yes I ve tried twice in three years with meds and therapy but I'd stop then relapse. I am currently trying a third time now starting this week. its very difficult for me as I feel like I lost my chances with her coupled with the stress of my finances. I want to get better but she's gone from my life so I am less motivated.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by tonybologna View Post
        yes I ve tried twice in three years with meds and therapy but I'd stop then relapse. I am currently trying a third time now starting this week. its very difficult for me as I feel like I lost my chances with her coupled with the stress of my finances. I want to get better but she's gone from my life so I am less motivated.
        Why do you come off the meds?
        Typical timeframe for depression relapse after coming off meds is 9 months. Does that resonate with you? If yes, then you need to stay on them indefinitely.

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