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  • 30th birthday

    my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months. In that 10 months Christmas, valentineís day, and my birthday have passed. For Christmas he mentioned getting me something Christmas came and I got him 3 diff categories of gifts. Long story short I gave him two of the categories and returned the third bc he got me nothing. Valentines he got me a gift. And my bday he kept calling and texting me all night long bc I was mad at him for something sesperate so I finally reached out to him & I called him at 5am And he clearly stated ďI have a gift for youĒ he came to my house and had nothing and then later got an attitude saying ďhow could I get anything for you if Iíve been with u all dayĒ so long story short I got NOTHING for my bday. I figured that our first Christmas together and first bdays would be special. His birthday is coming up in about a month and the other day he text me good morning I love you and before I could respond he text me another message saying he knows what he wants for his bday so I say ok Iíll get it after you get me my gift and his response was I never told him what I wanted so thatís why I got nothing. And that Iím petty. ..clearly his reasoning keeps changing. So my question to u guys is do I honor his bday requests or just ignore him like heís done me ??

  • #2
    I think there can be very valid reasons for not doing gifts. Could be that someone prefers spending quality time together over buying/getting presents. Could be that they just don't have a big budget available. Could be that they just don't value gifts or objects that much.

    Your boyfriend however just seems lazy and selfish.
    He gets you nothing despite mentioning having a gift for you.
    He also uses a lame excuse like being with you all day. Well plenty of people buy their gifts more than a day in advance.

    So, in this case, I think he's just an ass. He clearly knows what's expected, but doesn't care enough to get his lazy ass off the couch and put in some effort.
    The fact that he now expects something for his birtyday is preposterous.

    Is he a lazy piece of s**t in other areas in the relationship too?
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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    • #3
      Ayla
      ​​​​​​​yes. He is both lazy and selfish. Iím a very reasonable person so if he didnít have money thatís fine !!! He could have at least made me a card or wrote me a poem I would have been so happy with that ! Love that u said heís preposterous. Lol so just donít do anything for his birthday ? Just say happy birthday ? Lol heís basically lazy in every aspect I guess bury if u ask me specifics I could answer better.
      Last edited by Jolo; September 13th, 2018, 10:29 AM.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Ayla View Post
        I think there can be very valid reasons for not doing gifts. Could be that someone prefers spending quality time together over buying/getting presents. Could be that they just don't have a big budget available. Could be that they just don't value gifts or objects that much.

        Your boyfriend however just seems lazy and selfish.
        He gets you nothing despite mentioning having a gift for you.
        He also uses a lame excuse like being with you all day. Well plenty of people buy their gifts more than a day in advance.

        So, in this case, I think he's just an ass. He clearly knows what's expected, but doesn't care enough to get his lazy ass off the couch and put in some effort.
        The fact that he now expects something for his birtyday is preposterous.

        Is he a lazy piece of s**t in other areas in the relationship too?
        I donít know how to @ you but my response is above lol



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        • #5
          Ayla

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          • #6
            I think this boils down to the both of you not knowing each other very well and there's way too much emphasis on material objects. I think you're irritated with him because the gift-giving process between the both of you fell apart and he didn't make an effort early on. However regarding the later conversation about his birthday, I could never imagine seeing myself with someone who had the gall to ask for something specific on their birthday that early on in a relationship. I like gift-giving and do tend to give a lot more than probably the normal person but this person would get nothing but a tight slap from me. My suggestion is to stop engaging in meaningless conversations about gifts in general and leave it to some element of surprise. If he is not caring or reciprocal in the relationship in general and a lazy ass mofo, you have only yourself to blame for staying with him.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Jolo View Post
              ....... He is both lazy and selfish. .....
              So why is he still your boyfriend?

              How about for his birthday you just give him the freedom to be lazy and selfish by himself while you go looking for a better man?

              If dumping him is not what you want, then dump the obsession with gifts and stop making each other miserable about it.

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              • #8
                Buy him the book "The Five Love Languages" and BOTH of you read it.

                *leaves while betting their relationship doesn't last much longer*
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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                • #9
                  Jolo. I'd cut him some slack and give him a b'day gift. I'm married. My then boyfriend at the time (now husband) didn't give good gifts. However, he sure made up for it when we married! I drop hints because a lot of men need help and they're clueless! Nowadays, I never wait for b'days, Christmas and Valentine's Day. If I want something, I buy it immediately. For special occasions, we go out to eat at our favorite restaurants minus material gifts.

                  As for your boyfriend, if he's a nice guy and gift giving is the only problem, cherish being with a good man. There are a lot of women who are with men who give gifts but those men are unkind, selfish and mean. Pick your battles. Often times, character wins out and it's better to overlook "minor" flaws IMHO.
                  "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Pollon View Post
                    So why is he still your boyfriend?
                    Exactly.

                    Why don't you just end things rather than get into this game playing of to buy or not to buy a birthday gift.
                    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Jolo View Post
                      Ayla
                      ​​​​​​​yes. He is both lazy and selfish. Iím a very reasonable person so if he didnít have money thatís fine !!! He could have at least made me a card or wrote me a poem I would have been so happy with that ! Love that u said heís preposterous. Lol so just donít do anything for his birthday ? Just say happy birthday ? Lol heís basically lazy in every aspect I guess bury if u ask me specifics I could answer better.
                      You donít come across here as a ďvery reasonable ď person tbh

                      Is it reasonable to expect special gifts for a first birthday , Christmas, Valentineís Day when you are still only getting to know each other??

                      Is is a poet?? Iím assuming no and therefore itís unreasonable to think he could write you a poem !

                      And itís definitely unreasonable to not answer calls or texts just because you are ďmadĒ at him!
                      What for I wonder?

                      Is this your first relationship? That might explain your unreasonable expectations?

                      Real life isnít reflected in chick flicks!

                      Most people love receiving gifts, less people enjoy or are hopeless at gift giving.

                      If you enjoy giving gifts , then do so, but thatís your enjoyment. Itís supposed to be selfless yet you do it for return it seems.

                      If receiving gifts is that important to you then date someone who also enjoys gift giving.
                      If you canít get over not receiving gifts , how are you supposed to get over real relationship hurdles?

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