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is he being truthful or full of it?

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  • is he being truthful or full of it?

    During the entire time Iíve known my now ex he always talked about work and his personal goals. Such as making x amount of money by the time he is 30 and getting higher within his own company he works for, starting his own company one day, and buying another house. Itís something he talked about constantly and what he felt he needed to do. As time went on in the relationship his job started to get extremely busy and require a lot more from him with longer hours and a weekends. Then he said if heís going to be working his tail off he needs to at least take care of himself by going back to the gym and eating better. Then a week or so later he breaks up with me.




    His reasoning was he doesnít think he is ready for a serious committed relationship like he thought he was and doesnít want one with me or anyone because he sees this as his time to really put in work at his job and itís his opportunity he feels. He used to say he wasted a year of his life doing drugs and being dumb so he brought that up and sees this as his redemption toward working towards his goals. He said he liked me and enjoyed our time together but isnít emotionally available and told me as soon as he knew for sure he wouldnít be able to move forward.




    Also though, a week later he went back on bumble and updated his bio and a photo saying me and my dog. Work gym diet. Trying to retire early so I can see how flat the earth is.

    His sister also still likes me stuff and responds to posts of mine. She even told me recently how she thinks I deserve everything and she thinks Iím amazing.




    He also told me he hasnít been with anyone for two years relationship wise or physically before me.




    You may think why does it matter but it does to me. Ultimately I would like your guysí opinion. And I am still continuing to move on the best I can this is just holding me back a little bit.

  • #2
    What are you hoping to find out? The reasons why he broke up with you?

    If that's what you're after, the truth is that you will probably never really know for sure. Perhaps he is truthful and wishes to focus all his time on improving himself. Perhaps there are other reasons why he broke up with you. There's no real way to tell.

    Getting closure from someone is a myth. Closure is something you have to give yourself. In reality what's holding you back from moving on is your incessant checking up on him (following his Bumble profile, engaging with his sister, etc). The sooner you end all of this and actually allow yourself to begin moving on, the sooner you'll feel better.
    Last edited by whatshappeningreg; September 13th, 2018, 11:42 AM.
    Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

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    • #3
      I agree 100% with Reg.

      You're looking for answers that you'll never have, and frankly, that don't matter either.
      Whatever the reasons are, the relationship is still over in the end and you need to move on without him. Focus on that, rather than a past you can't change anyway.
      You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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      • #4
        Assuming he doesn't have some significant history of lying to you, then take him at his word. He is serious about his career goals and doesn't want the distraction of having to consider his girlfriend whenever he has to work late, take a trip, meet with a female colleague, or contemplate a job change.

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        • #5
          Pardon but I don't think he's into you, period.

          He's already out looking for a new relationship because you don't tick off all his boxes. I'm sorry that you didn't get the straight truth from him. Whether or not he himself is relationship material is a question mark. I agree with Ayla that it's none of your business what he does here on out. Your job is to move on with your life and find peace of mind knowing that you're much better off without someone who doesn't want to be with you.

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          • #6
            I think he was being honest about his career.
            And im guessing he just wasnít 100% in to you as in he couldnít envisage you being part of his long term goals.

            Being on bumble doesnít mean heís looking to replace you, he might just be using it as a distraction or to get a date once in a while.

            You should tone down any contact with his sister.
            My brother ended a relationship with a girl after 3 years and I couldnít understand why because I absolutely adored her.
            He had no concrete reasons , just wasnít feeling it.
            He has been married to the next girl he dated for 15 years with 2 kids.
            But I still adore the first girl , she is also happily married with 3 kids.

            Sometimes there are no real reasons just a gut feeling.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
              Pardon but I don't think he's into you, period.

              He's already out looking for a new relationship because you don't tick off all his boxes.
              You don't know that, though. For all any of us know, he could be on there not looking for a relationship but rather a hook up for when he has a spare minute from attempting to be King of the World.

              I'm sorry that you didn't get the straight truth from him.
              and I'm sorry you think that your speculation is the straight truth. Op: Take all speculation (including mine) with a grain of salt. Do disregard any that are not the least bit logical.

              Whether or not he himself is relationship material is a question mark. I agree with Ayla that it's none of your business what he does here on out.
              That's true but it is also very productive in getting over him to just keep yourself non-communicato on all fronts.

              Your job is to move on with your life and find peace of mind knowing that you're much better off without someone who doesn't want to be with you.
              Also consider yourself very lucky that he was honest with you and just didn't string you along for slap and tickles until you got the guts to leave HIM.

              You'll be fine in time and what you do with your time and you, like the rest of us, will find someone that you better mesh with in all ways.

              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post
                Pardon but I don't think he's into you, period. He's already out looking for a new relationship because you don't tick off all his boxes.
                Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post
                You don't know that, though. For all any of us know, he could be on there not looking for a relationship but rather a hook up for when he has a spare minute from attempting to be King of the World.
                Exactly what I was going to say Phases.
                Just because someone's by your side, it doesn't mean they're on your side.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank you guys! The whole thing is so confusing. Iíve been lied to horribly in a previous relationship so I just get paranoid. I did ask him straight up if that was the truth that night and he said yes but he also said he wasnít going to go searching on bumble. It was just weird how he went from telling me how great and wonderful he thought I was and I thought I made him happy then itís like work took off and I kept falling down the priority list further like he just didnít want to put the effort in. He was never really putting me first to begin with but he did bring me around his family a ton and had a toothbrush at his place kind of thing. I was his first gf in two years so I want to believe him in that he didnít know he wasnít going to be ready for this.

                  Last night he liked my instagram post too and watched my stories??? For someone who doesnít go on social media as much as the average person I thought it was strange?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Ta930 View Post
                    Thank you guys! The whole thing is so confusing. Iíve been lied to horribly in a previous relationship so I just get paranoid. I did ask him straight up if that was the truth that night and he said yes but he also said he wasnít going to go searching on bumble. It was just weird how he went from telling me how great and wonderful he thought I was and I thought I made him happy then itís like work took off and I kept falling down the priority list further like he just didnít want to put the effort in. He was never really putting me first to begin with but he did bring me around his family a ton and had a toothbrush at his place kind of thing. I was his first gf in two years so I want to believe him in that he didnít know he wasnít going to be ready for this.

                    Last night he liked my instagram post too and watched my stories??? For someone who doesnít go on social media as much as the average person I thought it was strange?
                    Go with your gut feeling, honey. In my opinion, he's not into you at all. Why would you associate with a person who tells you one thing and goes about with another thing. Whatever he is (misguided, stupid, a liar, deceptive), he's just not a straightshooter enough to straight shoot with you. You shouldn't be looking for answers from a person who's already been proven unreliable. Move on.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Rose Mosse View Post

                      Go with your gut feeling, honey. In my opinion, he's not into you at all. Why would you associate with a person who tells you one thing and goes about with another thing. Whatever he is (misguided, stupid, a liar, deceptive), he's just not a straightshooter enough to straight shoot with you. You shouldn't be looking for answers from a person who's already been proven unreliable. Move on.
                      If thatís the case why would he date me for nearly two months before making us exclusive ya know? He always seemed genuine I think idk. He always talked about how he isnít even remotely ready for marriage and stuff I guess I should have taken that as a hint early on.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Ta930 View Post

                        If thatís the case why would he date me for nearly two months before making us exclusive ya know? He always seemed genuine I think idk. He always talked about how he isnít even remotely ready for marriage and stuff I guess I should have taken that as a hint early on.
                        Being exclusive generally leads to a committed relationship and unless there are logistic issues, marriage is the logical choice. You were the one who mentioned marriage above so you were certainly thinking about it potentially in your future. That he says he's not ready for marriage but jumps to exclusivity in two months strengthens my point that he's just not into you OR he's a total flake. He is contradictory and unreliable. I think you have blinders on and you aren't seeing clearly. I hope the smoke clears for you and you are able to find peace.

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                        • #13
                          Asking for exclusivity does NOT generally lead to a committed relationship in this day and age. It simply means that both parties agree to not fuck other people while they get to know one another and see if it's going to work out for the long haul.

                          Clearly this guys work got in the way and as time went on, he realized that he wasn't going to have the time or the focus to nurture a relationship so he's done the gallant thing and broken it off with you so that he doesn't hurt you through distancing and/or neglect.

                          Being exclusive and being not ready for marriage does nothing to strengthen your point, Rose because one does not automatically lead to the other contrary to what you're trying to sell.

                          Op: Timing has a lot to do with whether or not a relationship is going to progress. Clearly timing wasn't on your side in this relationship. He's not going to be ready to actually settle down in something committed until he's established his career and other fiscal pursuits. He was decent enough to let you know that and, like I said, didn't just keep you around only to hurt you when he was unable to nurture a relationship.

                          You'll be fine in time but just block and delete him so he can't hoover you back for a quickie without commitment or exclusivity. He may contact you again when he has a spare minute to see if you're up to starting a FWB hooking up. Don't sell yourself short, steer clear of any of that or you will end up shredding your own heart.

                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Ta930 View Post
                            .... I did ask him straight up if that was the truth that night and he said yes but he also said he wasn'ít going to go searching on bumble. It was just weird how he went from telling me how great and wonderful he thought I was and I thought I made him happy then itís like work took off and I kept falling down the priority list further like he just didnít want to put the effort in. He was never really putting me first to begin with ....
                            Ignore Rose and listen to Phases.

                            He clearly does not put being in a relationship at the top of his list. It was two years since his last relationship and, after trying again with you, he's realized he has neither the time or the desire to nurture a relationship now. He did the right and decent thing by cutting you free to find the right person for you.

                            Of course that doesn't mean you aren't hurt. Being told that a relationship with you is not as important to him as other goals isn't easy to hear. However, it isn't about you personally. He thought enough about you to introduce you to his family and let you keep a toothbrush at his place, but he wants to put his best efforts elsewhere. Historically, that is actually what many responsible men did--get the career and means to support a family in place before seeking out a relationship. Maybe he's just old school.

                            That being said, he likely still wants some companionship so could be out looking for a FWB or no-strings-attached hook-ups occasionally. So stay off of his social media and focus on YOUR future.

                            Good luck



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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Pollon View Post

                              Ignore Rose and listen to Phases.

                              He clearly does not put being in a relationship at the top of his list. It was two years since his last relationship and, after trying again with you, he's realized he has neither the time or the desire to nurture a relationship now. He did the right and decent thing by cutting you free to find the right person for you.

                              Of course that doesn't mean you aren't hurt. Being told that a relationship with you is not as important to him as other goals isn't easy to hear. However, it isn't about you personally. He thought enough about you to introduce you to his family and let you keep a toothbrush at his place, but he wants to put his best efforts elsewhere. Historically, that is actually what many responsible men did--get the career and means to support a family in place before seeking out a relationship. Maybe he's just old school.

                              That being said, he likely still wants some companionship so could be out looking for a FWB or no-strings-attached hook-ups occasionally. So stay off of his social media and focus on YOUR future.

                              Good luck


                              Thank you sooo much! Thank you all for taking the time to help me understand. I wanted to believe him but because of my past. Relationships I was scared to. I always thought it said a lot that he brought me home which he said he never did and gave me a toothbrush kind of things as you mentioned. Itís what made this switch really confusing and hard to hear. Like he was able to let me go, that hurts. He sits there and says how great he thinks I am and how I check off the boxes but still didnít want me so itís hard. But he did not nurture our relationship like one should as you mentioned as well.

                              I donít know where to go from here as far as he goes. He is active on my social media posts, does that mean anything? Not like get back together or anything but does it have any other significance? I donít know if he wants to talk to me again or never again. Itís a all a little awkward because Iím in a fantasy football league with his family. His sister still writes me and likes all my posts. She was telling me how I deserve everything and Iím amazing and am looking great after going to the gym. I guess if he were lying and ended it for something about me I donít think she would be doing and saying all of that.

                              I do get down on nyself because because I thought he really wanted to be with me and build something but like you said he did give it a try. I do get in my own head with this at times cause I sit and think he took nearly two months to determine he wanted to be exclusive then after a total of like four months he did this but Our relationship was never at the top of his list. Thank you for your honesty in him probably seeking fwb and or occasional hookups. He said he wasnít even physical with someone for those two years and. Isnít like that but who knows. You put it perfectly. Sorry for my ranting lol

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