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How do I deal with being upset about the fact that I will never be with this woman?

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  • How do I deal with being upset about the fact that I will never be with this woman?

    This woman and I have been lifelong friends, since both of our parents were friends with each other. When both of us were small children, we were completely inseparable. Me and her did everything together like playing sports together, watching movies together, and sleeping right next to each other whenever we had a sleepover.

    When we were 10 years old, I started developing romantic feelings towards her, and I was hoping one day that we would get married to each other. When we were kids, adults used to tease us that we would get married someday, and so I was certain that we would get married someday. Another reason why I was so certain about that too is because I watched a lot of movies like The Lion King and Happy Feet and the Harry Potter series where 2 childhood friends become more than friends later on in their life, and so I thought that was going to happen with me and my friend.

    However I was too nervous and shy to let her know about my feelings about her, and when we got into high school, she started dating other boys, and I got really upset and jealous about that.

    When we both became 18 years old, I finally let her know about my feelings about her, and she said that she never felt that way about me. I was and am still devastated about that, since it was my long life dream to be with her, and that will never happen. To matters worse, I never kissed a girl, since I was saving my first kiss for her. She has a boyfriend now, and she's happy with him. But I'm not happy at all.
    We are still friends, but we don't see or talk to each other that much anymore. Our relationship has definitely diminished a lot since she said that she didn't feel that way about me.
    Last edited by SeaDragon; September 10th, 2018, 02:03 AM.

  • #2
    My advice would be not to worry about and to just live for you. By telling heryou have planted a seed. It may grow, it may not, only time will tell. You can't control anything except what you do, so go do stuff you like. It will build esteem and confidence. These are things women find very attractive so even if you don't attract this person, you will attract someone. Someone you like even.

    All of that being said, my common law wife of fiveyears just left me and moved in with another guy, pretty much out of the blue. So I am no relationship expert, but I do feel that the advice I gave is sound.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by SeaDragon View Post
      This woman and I have been lifelong friends, since both of our parents were friends with each other. When both of us were small children, we were completely inseparable. Me and her did everything together like playing sports together, watching movies together, and sleeping right next to each other whenever we had a sleepover.

      When we were 10 years old, I started developing romantic feelings towards her, and I was hoping one day that we would get married to each other. When we were kids, adults used to tease us that we would get married someday, and so I was certain that we would get married someday. Another reason why I was so certain about that too is because I watched a lot of movies like The Lion King and Happy Feet and the Harry Potter series where 2 childhood friends become more than friends later on in their life, and so I thought that was going to happen with me and my friend.

      However I was too nervous and shy to let her know about my feelings about her, and when we got into high school, she started dating other boys, and I got really upset and jealous about that.

      When we both became 18 years old, I finally let her know about my feelings about her, and she said that she never felt that way about me. I was and am still devastated about that, since it was my long life dream to be with her, and that will never happen. To matters worse, I never kissed a girl, since I was saving my first kiss for her. She has a boyfriend now, and she's happy with him. But I'm not happy at all.
      We are still friends, but we don't see or talk to each other that much anymore. Our relationship has definitely diminished a lot since she said that she didn't feel that way about me.
      Life isnít fairytales and roses. Only in movies.

      Dont berate yourself for not having spoken up sooner about your feelings. Her answer would have been the same.

      Instead , realise that you only succumbed to what others said in jest because as kids you two were cute friends . No one meant it seriously.

      Re focus! Are you even paying attention to other females around you who are just as cute , hot or even more so?
      You are young! Kids get along because of mutual interests that are mutual among all kids same age. But as kids become adults , their interests change dramatically. This girl while seemingly compatible as a 6, 12, 15 year old , has developed beyond that as have you.

      Be grateful that you havenít ended up with your childhood friend and have the opportunity to explore what you want , desire and need from a partner as you mature and change.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi SeaDragon,
        As you said, it is a fact. Although it is painful, and Iím sure this is really painful since you have set your eyes on her since childhood, you need to start focusing on something or someone else and avoid falling into a deep ravine of fantasy world. Try your best not to think about her and mentally seeing her with someone else for it will drive you crazy. The best way to do this is meet other women and at the same time keep yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong. This raises your chances that someone will notice. By meet other women, I donít mean prowling [sorry for lack of a better word] for a girlfriend but just casually enjoying conversation with women, at first, as if youíre not really looking and if someone enjoyed your company and wants to meet again, then maybe you got something.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by SeaDragon View Post
          This woman and I have been lifelong friends, since both of our parents were friends with each other. When both of us were small children, we were completely inseparable. Me and her did everything together like playing sports together, watching movies together, and sleeping right next to each other whenever we had a sleepover.

          When we were 10 years old, I started developing romantic feelings towards her, and I was hoping one day that we would get married to each other. When we were kids, adults used to tease us that we would get married someday, and so I was certain that we would get married someday. Another reason why I was so certain about that too is because I watched a lot of movies like The Lion King and Happy Feet and the Harry Potter series where 2 childhood friends become more than friends later on in their life, and so I thought that was going to happen with me and my friend.

          However I was too nervous and shy to let her know about my feelings about her, and when we got into high school, she started dating other boys, and I got really upset and jealous about that.

          When we both became 18 years old, I finally let her know about my feelings about her, and she said that she never felt that way about me. I was and am still devastated about that, since it was my long life dream to be with her, and that will never happen. To matters worse, I never kissed a girl, since I was saving my first kiss for her. She has a boyfriend now, and she's happy with him. But I'm not happy at all.
          We are still friends, but we don't see or talk to each other that much anymore. Our relationship has definitely diminished a lot since she said that she didn't feel that way about me.

          Hi SeaDragon!

          I sincerely empathise with your position. You won't believe this. I had been in a similar situation before. The girl in question became a woman. I thought she was the only girl who'll be perfect for me in every way. Now, she is married with kids. I still find it devastating that she is not with me. I really do know how painful it can be. The truth is this: if you had been in love with her for since your childhood, it is going to take time for you to feel at peace about this situation. I still get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see this girl's photos on Facebook with her husband.

          So, what can I suggest? Well, you really do need to believe that there are many other females who might be better than this girl in so many different ways. I had to go out and meet many different females. It is a numbers game and you do need to put in the time and effort to get to know lots of women. With patience and time, you WILL meet amazing women who will make you feel loveable. Your memories of this first love will never die. But, you get to make lots of new memories with the new women you could meet in the next few months and years.

          I sincerely wish you the best.

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