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  • I hate her guts

    I am 5 weeks and a day out of my break up. She left me after 5 years of common law marriage to move in with someone else. She won't tell me beyond "my feelings changed". Apparently this happened 9 months ago and she just used me and strung me along until she was ready to move in with this POS.

    I hate her for using me, for hurting me, cheating on me and for leading me on. How can I let go of this because I can't stand feeling this way?

  • #2
    If you can't use your anger to get over her then why not see someone to help you process what a cunt she is?

    In the meantime realize that she's his problem now and that in time, you'll see the red flags she raised that you didn't pay attention to. If she is living with someone so soon after breaking up with you then I would say that she was cheating on you and there is usually always tell tale signs that you weren't paying attention to.

    You're going to be okay in time. Don't hesitate to see a therapist if you're not progress to the blissful stage of indifference to her.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      I am having a hard time accepting I need therapy over this break up. But I likely do. Thank you.

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      • #4
        Chassit Give your heart time to heal.

        Whenever I've felt very bitter and resentful about failed relationships, what helped me was to refocus. It seems the more time you dwell on pain, the more negative your soul is 24/7. I started working out, exercise at least 3 - 4x week, dieted, lost 35 pounds, looked and felt GREAT. Suddenly, my self-esteem and self-confidence soared! I felt so great that I felt like telling the world where to go. I immersed myself into hobbies, went on outings and other times, I surrounded myself with kind, stable people. Then bad pasts eventually become a blur in your mind. Next, days will go by while you never think of that person anymore. That bad person fades away from your life. The key is to give it time. It takes months and years to heal a broken heart. I've found that when I became physically fit, I became mentally healthy, thought positive thoughts to better my life and since I felt great, I treated others better as well.

        I've come to the conclusion that those who've wronged me are not investing the same energy, tears and time over me so why should I? I live my own life, carve out my own happiness and you should, too.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          chanelle Thank you. I have purchased a gym membership but have not been as active with it as I should. I will redouble my efforts there. I don't like feeling this way about someone I actually care so deeply for. Betrayal is a b*****! LOL

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Chassit View Post
            chanelle Thank you. I have purchased a gym membership but have not been as active with it as I should. I will redouble my efforts there. I don't like feeling this way about someone I actually care so deeply for. Betrayal is a b*****! LOL
            Her feelings changed 9 months ago and she spent 9 months preparing to leave you.
            What did you notice in that 9 months?

            There had to have been signs that things were not working out?

            How was the relationship? Honestly?

            Why do you think she cheated for that long before moving out?
            Did she have it good financially with you?


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            • #7
              Originally posted by Maggiemay4791 View Post

              Her feelings changed 9 months ago and she spent 9 months preparing to leave you.
              What did you notice in that 9 months?

              There had to have been signs that things were not working out?

              How was the relationship? Honestly?

              Why do you think she cheated for that long before moving out?
              Did she have it good financially with you?

              I did notice her pulling back some, and when I asked her about itshe said she was just dealing with depression and asked that I give her space. So I did. She has acted similarly in the past but after giving the requested space she warmed up. She continued making plans with including plans for after her planned time of breaking it off.

              One thing that I know is relevant is she started spending a lot of time with a lesbian friend of hers and when she broke up she had told me she was originally planning on moving in with this person., not in a platonic manner. Thing is is that she is not gay herself (we have discussed this at length), spo she was just wanting to get away from me. She had been with the guy she moved in with for only a month before she left. She certainly pulled away more that last month as well. All she would tell me is that her feelings changed and our failed relationship was not at all my fault. If that were true why would she pretend to be gay to get away from me. I must have been horrible to her.

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              • #8
                Seriously if you don't know what you did to contribute to the lack of spark or brokenness in this relationship, you haven't spent enough time being honest with yourself or down to earth about what happened. You may also still be in shock. Every one of us has the ability to self-evaluate and look at series of events objectively. It's your job to have a good look at what happened during the course of the relationship and learn from your own mistakes. It's not always easy and it doesn't mean it's all your fault. But it DOES take two to tango and it took two to make a relationship. The meaning of my post is to encourage you to look at the whole picture in an effort to grow forwards and learn from your experience (this past relationship), find your closure independently/internally and make peace.

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                • #9
                  Rose Mosse I have a pretty good idea what happened, suffice to say she failed to keep her promises to me.

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                  • #10
                    Maybe you weren't worth keeping promises to at the time either (to her). All relationships that break down eventually consist of broken promises. Your situation is not unique. Do you know why she didn't? You did spend 5 years together.

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                    • #11
                      I think I do, yeah. I just need to let go and move on. She tried and couldn't is the extra short answer. Too much history on both sides of the fence.

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                      • #12
                        Chassit You're welcome. It's hard to force yourself to exercise because it's not a picnic. Just remind yourself how much better you'll feel physically and best of all, your mental benefits AFTER feeling better physically.

                        I hear you about feeling for someone after a bad break up and how betrayal is extremely difficult if not impossible to recover from.

                        You're going to have to learn how to forgive her and others who've wronged you in your life. Forgive does not mean forget. Forgive means to release your anger and pain and let it go. You forgive for yourself; not for doing any favors to your perpetrator. Once you forgive and let go of your bitterness and resentment, you learn to move on with your life in the positive direction. You start anew. It's part of your healing process.

                        Change the way you think in order to be kind to your soul. It will take time and in the meantime, focus on your health because a healthy body will create a healthy mind which causes you to think clearly and positively as opposed to being depressed and negative. When you are fit and in shape, you'll no longer obsess about people who don't matter in your life. They don't care about you so why should you do them a favor by thinking about them so much? You should not think about people who are worth less than the dirt underneath your feet.

                        Become tough and smart. You will transform your pain and anger into wisdom and clarity. Once you do that, you look at people differently with new intelligence and confidence. Bad people are not worth your brain space and energy. Focus on yourself and well-being because it will give you positive physical and mental health.
                        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Chassit View Post
                          I am 5 weeks and a day out of my break up. She left me after 5 years of common law marriage to move in with someone else. She won't tell me beyond "my feelings changed". Apparently this happened 9 months ago and she just used me and strung me along until she was ready to move in with this POS.

                          I hate her for using me, for hurting me, cheating on me and for leading me on. How can I let go of this because I can't stand feeling this way?
                          Dude I know your pain Me and my gf just split up last week. Our reason was the last year of our relationship was long distance . I was working my ass off to be able to move down there with her and because of that I wasnít giving her enough attention and she left me and less then a week later she is now seeing another guy. It sucks , thereís nothing you can do. Iíve just been going out with friends and trying to keep my mind off everything but itís hard. Time will pass

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                          • #14
                            Thank you everybody. I appreciate the support.

                            Yes, there was a lot of history on both sides, but we were (Well I was ) working on our relationship and we had an agreement about how we would proceed and how we would rebuild "us". I kept up my end, went above and beyond and instead of investing with me, she strung me along and pretended (her word) things were OK while she checked out.

                            Anyways, thanks everyone. I dunno if I ever will be able to forgive her but I will try.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by joed452 View Post

                              Dude I know your pain Me and my gf just split up last week. Our reason was the last year of our relationship was long distance . I was working my ass off to be able to move down there with her and because of that I wasnít giving her enough attention and she left me and less then a week later she is now seeing another guy. It sucks , thereís nothing you can do. Iíve just been going out with friends and trying to keep my mind off everything but itís hard. Time will pass
                              I am really sorry for your loss, man.

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