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On and off relationship

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  • On and off relationship

    Hello ! I would appreciate so much if anyone would advise me concerning my problem which i will state in the next paragraphs.
    I am trying to make this as short as possible

    I have been in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for about a year and a half.As I said in the title,It was an on and off relationship but such a great one.It was our best year of our lives we got along together so well ,had the same interests and really communicated so well.We were so in love.I still love him dearly and he loves me too.

    We are both 20 ,and really mature for our age.

    The very problem is that he dealed with depression since he was a kid and he mentioned often that I helped him a lot with it,he really was so happy the time we were together he did everything to be sure we were close to each other and oh,his manners ..let me tell you he never even shouted ar me he is a very calm and reserved guy .

    We broke up first in october ,it lasted for a day lol cus I reached out and we were crying and we were so happy to be holding each other again..The reason that he claimed was that his mother didn’t agree much with our relationship(i dont know why to this day but let me tell you she is a psycho).

    Second time was in March.He seemed devastated and told me he doesnt love me anymore and we should break uo(I didnt believe what he was saying at all and i accepted his decision even though it was hard for me.I think i accepted it so easily because i knew somehow we will get back together.

    A month later we get back togehter .He told me he wanted to break up with me because he feeled like he didnt deserve me.He told me some secrets that he kept away from me but I forgave him with all my heart so went on with the relationship another month.

    On may 19 we had a fight over the phone and he told me he doesnt love me as much as he did and that i piss him off sometimes.I hung up and things were left that way for a month we didnt speak ,I blocked his social media becuase I had enough and i really wanted to move on even if it seemed impossible in the beginning.

    A month later he texts me saying he feels terrible and want to be at least friends so he can help me whenever i need him with school material and other stuff(we are both med student at the same university).
    I completely turned his offer but he insisted so much and wanted to see me that we got back together again feeling happier than ever before .He said he feeled like it was a dream he told me he wanted a life with me and to make things up and to be with me and love me with everything he can.He said such nice things to me and i have to say he proved he was really meaning it so I believed him and put all my trust in him and was sire he wouldnt leave me again.

    BUT,a week ago we had a huge fight.He was starting to feel down and sepressed again.Didnt want to leave the house,and didnt want to do anything with me he didnt want to involve me in any of his plans.My parents discussed with him and he told them he cares about me but doesnt love me so much.I was shocked.His words and facts proved otherwise.Even on the day of the break up before the fight we were kissing and holding hands and smiling and everything seemed ok.

    So,now I am sitting here miserable than ever and even though ive been through this several times this time its the hardest because i feel it would be impossible for him to reach out again after all of this,even though i know he loves me but he kept saying i dont deserve him...he is really a great guy and i never understood why he says that.

    A thing that i noticed is that he watches my snapchat and instagram stories all the time (this time i didnt feel the need to block him) and i dont get it..why? If he wants to move on he shouldnt be doing this.

    So,what do you think? i know it wouldnt be ok to make up again but it seems impossible to forget about him and to never be able to hold his hand again and even just be with him.I would want to be his friend but i think we will end up together again and all of this would repeat .What advice could you give me?What should i do? will this pain go away with time or will it worsen?(please dont mention starting dating again cus i honestly dont want to ,i still love him and i dont need a rebound i just would want to focus on my school)What about him? Do you think he will reach out or not? What should I do if he does?But what should I do if he doesnt?

    Thank you so much in advance.

  • #2
    When you're on and off with someone, it's natures way of telling you that you are with the wrong person.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!


    • #3
      Originally posted by Doryanne View Post
      .....We are both 20 ,and really mature for our age......
      Given your on again, off again, relationship where he can't seem to make up his mind, and you keep enabling this nonsense, you're going to have to reevaluate the above statement.

      Adults don't put up with this kind on indecision and nonsense.

      As Phases said, nature is telling you you're with the wrong person.

      The question you need to ask yourself is "what have I learned from dating him and what mistakes should I avoid in the future?"

      Good luck


      • #4
        For all your med school training, I think the both of you need a different kind of help: therapy and getting back into the real world. None of this is healthy for you and you're both acting like children. You say that you're mature for your age but none of your behaviours are exhibiting that. Grow up and stop thinking so highly of yourself. Be humble. Stay grounded and stop all this bs. He needs to seek his own treatment and help for his depression. Stop playing mommy and work on yourself.
        Last edited by Rose Mosse; August 13th, 2018, 11:38 AM.


        • #5
          He said he doesnít love you to your parents.
          Believe that.

          You say his actions prove otherwise but they donít , they confirm it.

          Block him and stop this repeated cycle for once and for all.

          Yes of course you will feel better in time.


          • #6
            I agree with the others. This relationship is toxic and at this point, I would not recommend working on it and I agree that completely letting go is the best idea. Let me explain why. First of all, 20 isn't as old as you'd think. Sadly, guys mature about 2-3 years behind girls, so that means he is functioning as a teenager :O If you were already married, I'd say you two need counseling and lots of action steps as individuals and as a couple. Because you are not married and there's been such a pattern of breakups-I'd say let this go. Really. Then, work on getting yourself healthy, and focus on your education and career. Two halves don't make a whole. What I mean by that is that he will never be good for you until he is healthy and whole, nor will you be for him. Focus on yourself and getting whole and healthy and ok with being a single college student who has goals and aspirations. Then and only then should you consider another relationship. When considering, only consider someone who is also healthy and whole, well grounded etc. and spend lots of time getting to know him before even thinking about dating or sleeping with or getting into a serious relationship. It will save you alot of heartache and emotional stress, if you are willing to do it this way. HUGS. Go do something nice for yourself today!