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Relationship newbie, my ex fiance never gave me closure! He was my 1st love ...

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  • Relationship newbie, my ex fiance never gave me closure! He was my 1st love ...

    My ex dumped me after long distance relationship for 1 year. We saw each other 1-2 times a month and met thru family friends. When we our 1st real fight while wedding planning, I saw his true colors - selfish, short tempered and mamaís boy!I had no idea his parents went to visit him every weekend when he was a freshmen in Univ of Texas! I think i dodged a bullet on this but just found out he is on every ONLINE dating apps already looking for that perfect woman! He never texted me back on FB so i unfriend him..or i should not have!! Please help me understand his mentalilty! will he come back?

  • #2
    Can't help you with his mentality. As you rightly pointed out, you dodged a bullet.

    The important thing is that you learn from the experience. I'd suggest the following take-aways,

    1) Don't both doing long-distance relationship.
    2) Don't get engaged to anyone you've know for less than 18 months (including at least a year in the same town if you're going to ignore number 1) above.

    Why on Earth are you asking whether he'll come back? Would you take him? And why?

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    • #3
      Thank you Pollon for the reply...I feel so betrayed he is already on online dating! Did he even love me? I want him back because I feel like I wont fine anyone better and I miss him and our memories...we were both each otherís first love...I keep blaming myself for everything and he made it clear it was my fault too...i feel like i will never meet someone new...

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Confusedsoul1004 View Post
        Thank you Pollon for the reply...I feel so betrayed he is already on online dating! Did he even love me? I want him back because I feel like I wont fine anyone better and I miss him and our memories...we were both each otherís first love...I keep blaming myself for everything and he made it clear it was my fault too...i feel like i will never meet someone new...
        Why do you feel like you wonít find someone better than a selfish, short tempered mamas boy?
        Are you missing those memories??!? Or choosing to forget them?

        You met this man about 18 times only. Please donít enter long distance relationships again.
        You can never truly get to know someone until you have dated regularly (at least once a week) for minimum a year.

        Unfortnately you got engaged to a stranger.

        What you are missing is the potential of a marriage , however there was never going to be a wedding.

        As for him online dating, donít worry about it. He is passing time while looking for another fantasy .
        Good luck to him and the next girl that witnesses his short temper.

        Take some time out and when you are ready and realise that there was no potential with this guy, start dating locally.

        Live and learn.
        Oh and when he is having no luck on his dating apps, donít be surprised if he contacts you. But donít reply. Realise it will just be attention seeking no matter what he says.

        Good luck!

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        • #5
          Thank you. I dont know why i am missing him so much and feel like i will never get out of this rut!!!!

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Confusedsoul1004 View Post
            Thank you Pollon for the reply...I feel so betrayed he is already on online dating! Did he even love me? I want him back because I feel like I wont fine anyone better and I miss him and our memories...we were both each otherís first love...I keep blaming myself for everything and he made it clear it was my fault too...i feel like i will never meet someone new...
            I know one thing; You shouldn't even be thinking about dating anyone until you work on your self-worth to the point that you truly believe that YOU are the prize that any man should be grateful to be with and if he's not showing you that value then you are capable of quickly dumping him and not pining over such a loser like you are pining over this one.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Thank you all so much

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              • #8
                I hope you feel better soon. He doesn't sound like he was serious about you to begin with. It's difficult to tell if someone is in this situation where you met through family and friends. I think you let your guard down because of those shared connections. Don't become angry and jaded or bitter from this one experience. He is only one out of many. Take your time finding someone who wants to be with you for you, and give yourself time to be comfortable with that person for awhile before jumping to any major decisions. Regarding your desire for closure, if you are still for a moment you might see it right in front of you. Your closure may be seeing him exactly for who he is. Be still and see what's infront of you. Be at peace.
                Last edited by Rose Mosse; August 8th, 2018, 11:13 AM.

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                • #9
                  Thanks Rose....I am just so confused why he propsed to me if he was not serious to begin with???!! Was he just settlng?!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Confusedsoul1004 View Post
                    Thanks Rose....I am just so confused why he propsed to me if he was not serious to begin with???!! Was he just settlng?!
                    He proposed within one year into a long distance relationship.
                    You didnít know each other well enough .
                    No amount of FaceTiming can match spending time in anotherís company when they are not on their best behaviour such as your once to twice monthly meets.

                    Was he serious about marriage? Itís likeky a long term goal of his. Was he silly to propose to someone he barely knows? Yes Were you silly to accept his proposal when you barely knew him? Yes

                    Everytime you met him , you met on a weekend break etc I am assuming .
                    You were never around him long enough to witness his short temper etc
                    You only met each other during mutual free time when daily life stresses are not getting in the way.

                    You both fell at the first hurdle , highlighting incompatibility.

                    Why are you taking it so personally? Why would you want him back?
                    As you said yourself YOU dodged a bullet.

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                    • #11
                      I agree with Maggie. I think you're very hurt and feeling tricked. Take your time to heal.

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                      • #12
                        Thank you Maggie ans Rose. He was my 1st boyfriend and I thought I met my soulmate and I am 35! I dont why I feel this way...just feel so betrayed and mad it didnt work out!! And just the thought of him with other online dating girls makes me want to puke

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                        • #13
                          Well, generally when we are disgusted the feeling of wanting to puke is common. Sometimes we wish we could also light the person on fire. It doesn't mean that it's sane or legal or a good idea. It means you're angry and hurt and those emotions are fine. It's all right to feel those things. Let yourself feel all your hurt and don't bottle it up. If you have good friends around you, spend time with them and let them talk about their lives. If you have a hobby or two or always wanted to try something, try it. Sometimes bad things happen but they can be catalysts for growth and new positive experiences.

                          You may be grieving for lost time because you feel your age makes you undesirable. Question that. Question your idea and the ideals that you had previously of what women are supposed to be by a certain age and I'd suggest examining your identity and your place in that. I think women are still largely valued by their ability to produce children and attract a husband. Those expectations never go away. You should question that and be at peace with yourself knowing that the future is unknown and it's up to you to write it. Don't subconsciously play into society's expectations of you. Write your own book and your own life. Carpe diem, right? Focus on you.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Confusedsoul1004 View Post
                            Thank you Maggie ans Rose. He was my 1st boyfriend and I thought I met my soulmate and I am 35! I dont why I feel this way...just feel so betrayed and mad it didnt work out!! And just the thought of him with other online dating girls makes me want to puke
                            You are mad it didnít work out but not with this guy particularly. Just mad that you thought a long term goal was almost achieved.
                            Yet you are realistic enough to know your long term goal didnít include him.
                            Next! And better!

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                            • #15
                              Omg i am going to cry...thank you Rose!!

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