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I am completely lost and very confused.

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  • I am completely lost and very confused.

    Hello,

    I would like to know if any has had this situation or could advise me.

    I will start from the beginning.

    I was in a long relationship for around 5 years, recently around May 2018 the relationship started to break down and she wasn't happy. She broke up with me and of course, I did all I can to get her back but she was only replying and saying she would like to be friends telling me she wasn't happy with me and I have changed.

    She says I am very controlling and manipulative and I lie. I have lied to her in the past e.g I kissed another girl towards the start of the relationship with her and she has never forgotten it and uses it against me in arguments.

    We continued to talk from May to around April/June and I got told by friends she was meeting and talking to someone else, I was like that soon? Even when she would say she misses me and texts me constantly, she removed me from Facebook randomly and blocked me then I got told by friend, they have put the relationship status on Facebook with her new man. I was like what the hell? I texted her and questioned her, she replied some horrible message saying I am liar and I need to move on.

    I took it as it was completely over, I started to move on and go out more and meet new people. My friends told her I was meeting someone (which wasn't true) I was still very much in love with this girl and wasn't fully over her. She then started messaging me asking who she was and that she loves me and she will break up with this new guy if I tell her. I told her the girl doesn't exist and they have lied to you. She then said I was a cheater and didn't care about her. She was never good enough for me like really fucking with me.

    I made it clear to her that I still love her and I wanna be back with her and the time passed, she was telling my friends that she still loves me but thinks I lie to everyone. I recently told everyone all of my dark secrets and was completely honest. I told her I will do anything to get her back but she uses this other guy as a weapon towards me e.g she will say something like "you're a liar, I don't care he doesn't lie to me and I will be with him later. Goodnight " then wants to meet up with me and tells me she loves and I'm most important guy to her but she wont break up with him just in case I lie and do something?

    I'm very confused, I have listened to my friends and they have all said.. sack her off and move on she is playing with me but I can't seem to get her out of my head. I feel the need to be there for her and support her and love her..

    Thanks.


  • #2
    I'm not convinced that you're lost or confused. You write with clarity about the various ways this woman has been playing games with you. You care about her but the real question is are you still interested in the roller coaster ride? If you are, then put your seat belt on. If not, give yourself the opportunity to come to terms with the end of the relationship and look forward to what comes next. As a side note, it does sound like you're susceptible to being manipulated by her moves, so it may be advisable to cut all contact until your emotions have returned to normal. Wish you all the best!

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    • #3
      Someone usually doesn't just pull the words controlling, manipulative and liar out of their ass without legit reasons so the only person who can help you here is YOU. I have a strong feeling that your start of your relationship tiff isn't the only thing creating resentment between the both of you. You've painted a basketcase out of her but I think you're just much of a nutbar. Most of all you feel guilty because of whatever you are. Both of you are NOT healthy for each other. Leave her alone. Work on yourself and stop seeking validation from a ship that's already going down and burning. Whatever you were to each other, it's over. Have that strength to face it and redirect your life.

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      • #4
        Thank you for your replies.

        How do I move away from someone who constantly gives me mixed signals? I will try to have no contact but she will find away to contact me and play with my feelings. I love her dearly but it's killing me.

        I think about her constantly, I know that ship has sailed. I am a fool to myself but I don't know what else to do.

        She continuously says to me I will not find no one like her, she is the best, no one will love me like her. It's my lose but then she doesn't want to be back with me? but says she loves me on a regular basis while in a relationship with this new guy who she constantly bad mouths and says she doesn't even like him.

        This why I wrote confused.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by mrg991 View Post
          Thank you for your replies.

          How do I move away from someone who constantly gives me mixed signals? I will try to have no contact but she will find away to contact me and play with my feelings. I love her dearly but it's killing me.

          I think about her constantly, I know that ship has sailed. I am a fool to myself but I don't know what else to do.

          She continuously says to me I will not find no one like her, she is the best, no one will love me like her. It's my lose but then she doesn't want to be back with me? but says she loves me on a regular basis while in a relationship with this new guy who she constantly bad mouths and says she doesn't even like him.

          This why I wrote confused.
          She can only contact you if you leave an avenue open to.

          And if she does happen to find a way to contact you , you donít have to reply nor should you.

          She doesnít want you back , she just wants you to want her back to make her feel better about herself.

          Its not confusing , itís plain to see.

          No contact. Ever.

          Comment


          • #6
            I tend to agree with what Rose said. Are you taking a good enough look at yourself? My advice would be to completely end it with this girl. No contact. Then take some time to yourself to grow. Learn from things you didn't like about the relationship, but even more importantly, look for ways you can improve as a person. We all need to do that from time to time.

            You were in a long term relationship. We tend to lose ourselves along the way in long term relationships and sometimes develop bad habits. Learn and grow.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by mrg991 View Post
              Thank you for your replies.

              How do I move away from someone who constantly gives me mixed signals? I will try to have no contact but she will find away to contact me and play with my feelings.
              By stop allowing her to give you the messages by blocking, deleting, and stop talking to her altogether. She is with someone else so garner your self-respect and give her zero attention or time.
              I love her dearly but it's killing me.
              Clearly she does not "love you dearly" or she would dumpt the new guy to go back to you. You enable her to play you like a fiddle by continuing to be in contact with you.

              [/quote]I think about her constantly,[/quote] That's because you are still in contact with her and allowing her to play with your emotions. Time to stop letting her do that.
              I know that ship has sailed. I am a fool to myself but I don't know what else to do.
              STOP. ALL. CONTACT.

              She continuously says to me I will not find no one like her, she is the best, no one will love me like her.
              Don't let her talk to you anymore. She's full of shit and plays you.

              It's my lose but then she doesn't want to be back with me? but says she loves me on a regular basis while in a relationship with this new guy who she constantly bad mouths and says she doesn't even like him.
              Send her one last message that says that you're not going to be in contact with her anymore when she is involved with another man and that if she ever leaves him to give you a call and if you're not dating anyone, you'll buy her dinner" Then go zero contact and don't have any expectations of her leaving the guy... just get on with your life and start dating others when you're ready to accept that it's over with her.

              This why I wrote confused.
              She's not loving you dearly if she's still with the other guy. Wake up!
              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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