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Flirting while in a Relationship

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  • Flirting while in a Relationship

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We’ve both had our ups and downs but have always been completely loyal to each other and have grown so much together. He was on vacation with his family and they went to a bar. He had a lot more to drink than he usually does (he mostly drinks a glass or 2 of wine a day but is not a huge drinker). While drunk he basically flirted with a man all night. We are both pansexual so I knew he was also attracted to men but we’re also monogamous and consider flirting with anyone, regardless of gender, wrong for our relationship. He was extremely drunk to the point where strangers had to help him walk home and he kept blacking out. He has never in the 2 years we’ve been together cheated, flirted with anyone, been interested in anyone else, etc. He said nothing happened other than flirting and the guy kissed him on the cheek a few times but that was it. On his end he said it was harmless and he wasn’t trying to get anything from him. I don’t know wether I should react with understanding considering that he has been loyal for 2 years or if I should be upset because he violated something that he knew was wrong and that I would be uncomfortable with. I’m not even sure if this is cheating or not or if I have a right to be angry about this. I don’t know how to handle the situation. If it is cheating I would have to consider leaving the relationship which would be very hard. But I don’t want to leave if it’s nothing. Any advice or “helping me put things in perspective” would be appreciated as my brain is very scattered right now. Thank you.

  • #2
    Did he tell you, did the other man tell you or did one of the family members around tell you what happened?

    If he owned up to it himself I'd take that into consideration. That takes some balls and it really doesn't benefit him at all except to relieve his conscience. Think about it. It creates drama between the both of you and he probably knows it would hurt the relationship initially. He took the lesser of two evils by being honest probably because he wouldn't be able to carry that secret and feels you need to know.

    I think you both should take some time to absorb what happened and not rush to any glorious acts of forgiveness or professions of love just to make each other feel better. Take your time and move slowly. You can affirm that you love him but that you're very hurt and you need time to think about whether you can feel the same way again. He should be patient but if he isn't, well, deal with it then.

    You're jumping the gun way too soon trying to decide what to do. Absorb first and don't do anything.


    • #3
      That is very good advice thank you. He did tell me right away the next morning. He texted me the second he got up (he blacked out when he got home).


      • #4
        I don’t know wether this is cheating or not though, and I guess that’s what I’m trying to figure out.


        • #5
          Do you have a thing for rules or something? Let it go. Life is full of gray areas. Go with your gut feeling and do what feels right to you. You can't operate relationships based on steel cut algorithms. Stop trying to categorize it. Listen to your feelings, what does your heart say. You're over rationalizing and categorizing. What you should be doing is figuring out what you feel and whether you feel the same way about him. This might take time. Ie. days or weeks and neither of you should be beating yourself up over it. Just take it slow and go from there.


          • #6
            I have to say, since he admitted to it, he gets an A in my book. Most men and women alike would not admit to this, especially being overly drunk. I myself would probably not say anything about it and make a vow not to get that wasted again. I would seriously look at this as a drunk and stupid moment, appreciate that he told you about it and move forward.