Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

3 years on - still think of ex every single day. AARGH!

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • 3 years on - still think of ex every single day. AARGH!

    My ex partner of 3 years decided one day out of the blue that she didn't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. There were no signs or anything (or none that I noticed) to suggest it was coming.

    All this was nearly 3 years ago now but I continue to think about her every single day and it's doing my head in!

    I've since gone on to form a new relationship which I'm happy in. I have a full time job which keeps me busy. I have plenty of hobbies to keep me active and friends provide a regular distraction.

    So WHY do I continue to long for her?

    I was very close indeed to her primary school age daughter and I feel like she was also let down in the process (her father had already abandoned her at birth and now she grows up thinking I did too)

    I often find myself thinking of certain events and occasions that happened at various times of the year and end up becomming consumed with unhapiness and longing to have her back.

    I've contacted her a few times in the past (not recently) but had either no response or a call from the police politely requesting that I leave her alone.

    I'm happy to accept that she's now more than likely in a new relationship. So why can't I stop thinking about her? It really does my head in!

    Thanks for reading.



    Last edited by jonnyblip14; July 13th, 2018, 09:27 AM.

  • #2
    Did she give a specific reason for breaking up?

    If you're struggling to let her go, have you considered seeing a counsellor? It'll be a long waiting list, but it's worth waiting on seeing as it doesn't look like these feelings are budging.
    If she wanted you back, would you drop your current relationship for her? If so, I think you need to rethink your life at the moment and whether or not you're just going through the motions of moving on without emotionally moving on.

    If nothing else, you must stop contacting her if she doesn't want to hear from you. I understand it's frustrating and you just want solve the feeling of the unknown. But it's useless information to you. You cannot force yourself to stop feeling this way, but you can accept it and let it fade away. Every time you catch yourself thinking about her, immediately shift your attention to something else. Remind yourself of all the reasons why the relationship was not viable and why you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. It's hard to know what to say except time is the best healer.

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the reply Reese.

      No, I didn't get a reason why we had to split up and I think that's the main problem. I feel like I'm still in limbo wandering around and not understanding what went so wrong.

      Your question about would I have her back if she asked me at the expense of my existing relationship is interesting. The answer is I'd walk the earth to have her back and would drop my existing partner like a ton of bricks. That's a terrible thing to admit, but it's true.

      I haven't contacted her for over a year and a half (not since the friendly warning from the police). I try to put myself in her shoes as I've been in a similar situartion myself where an unwanted ex kept on contacting me. It was very annoying! The last thing I'd want is to come across in that way. So I'm happy to admit and accept that our relatioship is never going to be rekindled.

      Perhaps the counsellor option is the only way forward?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by jonnyblip14 View Post
        Thanks for the reply Reese.

        No, I didn't get a reason why we had to split up and I think that's the main problem. I feel like I'm still in limbo wandering around and not understanding what went so wrong.

        Your question about would I have her back if she asked me at the expense of my existing relationship is interesting. The answer is I'd walk the earth to have her back and would drop my existing partner like a ton of bricks. That's a terrible thing to admit, but it's true.

        I haven't contacted her for over a year and a half (not since the friendly warning from the police). I try to put myself in her shoes as I've been in a similar situartion myself where an unwanted ex kept on contacting me. It was very annoying! The last thing I'd want is to come across in that way. So I'm happy to admit and accept that our relatioship is never going to be rekindled.

        Perhaps the counsellor option is the only way forward?
        I have 2 things to add to this post.

        First, if you're this sure that you would dump your current partner for your ex, then you're in the wrong relationship.
        A bad relationship isn't better than no relationship at all, on the contrary. I think you've settled too quickly for someone you weren't crazy about. How would you feel if the woman you love felt that way about you? Let's say hypothetically that's what happened with your ex. You were together for years, but the one that got away reached out and that's why she dumped you out of the blue. And you never even knew that this whole time, you were the next best thing. Can you imagine just how unfair that is?
        If your heart isn't in it for the full 100%, do this woman a favor and end the relationship. Grant her the opportunity to find someone who does love her the way she deserves to be loved.

        Second, I agree it's time to see a counselor. You're well over the normal and healthy grief period and you need someone to help you figure out why that is. It also baffles me that you'd still be so eager to go back to your ex. She did after all dump you like a disposable tissue, with zero explanation, blocked all contact and even called to cops on you for reaching out. How is this the person you desire?
        How is your self esteem? Do you have problems with codependancy? Do you depend your self-worth on the evaluation and affirmation of others? I strongly suggest you talk this through with a counselor.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

        Comment


        • #5
          Ayla... you are 100% spot on with your first point. I agree completely.

          Second point... I have no idea why I still want my ex after the way I was dropped. I guess that's all part of the issue. Why on earth do I keep thinking about her?! Etc.

          Comment


          • #6
            So WHY do I continue to long for her?
            Because you've made your thoughts of her your best friend instead of immediately changing the subject the minute she pops into your head.

            Put an elastic band around your wrist and the minute you find yourself thinking about her, ping that band hard and then change the subject in your mind to something else (preferably the woman you're with now and cheating out of your full attention). The pinging is called aversion therapy and hopefully it will help you to give up on a woman that no longer wants you in her life instead of wasting your time thinking about her.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Duplicate post.
              Last edited by Maggiemay4791; July 18th, 2018, 06:53 AM. Reason: Repeated post irrelevant to the topic.

              Comment


              • #8
                Some people you cannot get out of your mind.
                I'll fix that for you: Some people you don't want to get out of your mind.
                "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hi Johnnyblip14,

                  When I experienced my divorce, I found myself focused on the topic of relationships. They became part of my daily life. I learned that sudden breakups, to some extent, can cause a level of emotional trauma. I found this exceptionally so when the breakup was sudden. At least, this came up during my conversations. Another thing I learned is that sometimes a breakup can seem as if we have experienced a death of a loved one. Both are very impactful on how we go on living a normal healthy life. Perhaps you should talk to a professional. It sounds like you may need a little help learning how to carry on, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I will pray that you find a peaceful heart, and success in finding help. Best of luck to you.

                  Outlook2018

                  Comment

                  Working...
                  X