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  • What should I do

    So, I been debating with myself to post this without getting rude feed back .
    My boyfriend decided that we need a break . I don't do well on breaks , so I decided to cut myself . yes I know there are other ways of coping but at that time I only knew that . but me cutting myself only pushed him away . he tells me he needs a break for 2 months at most and while that time I'll seek the proper help i need. But within the first few days I haven't ate and today is day 4 of me not eating. I stop cutting but far as me eating nothing stays down . and yesterday I asked him if he could bring me something for my stomach and he replied to me thinking he would . but no instead I got nothing but more aches and depression .
    I know he might be busy etc but I really need to know right now that this break is giving him the time he needs to refocus on us but doubt has started to creep in and I’m suddenly overwhelmed with the worry that he might turn round and say he wants to end it.
    I know I need time to refocus on me . and honestly the only thing I need is him with me while I recover from this . it feels like I'm going through this alone but j do have faith in us for sure . I know he loves me and I love him deeply . maybe this is what we both need

  • #2
    How old are you and do you have access to any type of mental health/counselling? You're sounding a bit needier and a lot more unstable than the average person and you didn't mention the reason for him wanting a break. Does he know about your cutting? Stop manipulating him or threatening to self-harm and try to get help from someone who knows what they're doing. Your last concern is the longevity of this relationship if you can't take care of yourself.

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    • #3
      I had problems and put off getting professional help. I have seen a Psychologist and current a Psychiatrist and have felt great every since. I cannot remember when I last felt sad and do not feel drugged either. I never cut myself but what I used to do was to quit a good job or put myself into situations that were not to my liking. In other words I used to sabotage myself. So talk to a doctor and your life will change.

      As for boyfriends. I was overseas in combat for a year, another situation I put myself into when I did not have to. Chance of death every day. My fiancé of 5 years cheated on me and I could not get home to even talk to her. This was in the dark ages before cell phones and the internet. I was devastated and hear broken. Not a good position for someone who is getting shot at every week. I started to volunteer for dangerous things but I survived. Her betrayal was the best thing that happened to me. It made it possible to meet my wife of 46 years. My cheating ex fiancé is married to a girl after milking her husband for 20 years to support her son by some other man. She is also against everything I am for and weighs over 400 lbs. Had I married her I would not have had the great life I have now. Do not let bad things that happen to you now define your future. You can make your own future as I did coming from a very poor family with parents who never spent a day in school and spoke broken English.

      I am now 67 and as I look back I can see that my great life is due not only to the good things that happened to me but also the bad. I would not change a thing. My decision to talk to my doctor about my mental problems transformed my life. I used to wake up and ask myself what have I to live for. Now I cannot wait to start the day. I know how you are feeling. I have a lot of cuts too but mine are because I collect knives, not self inflicted. You can get better but you have to take the first step. Talk therapy is a good start and allows you to see things differently. You will be referred to a Psychiatrist who will balance the chemicals in your brain. I refused to let my problems ruin my life and most of my life has been great as a result. It cannot hurt to talk to a professional.

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      • #4
        You need to get yourself the proper treatment first and foremost.
        Are you seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist? Are you on any meds, or should you be on meds but not taking them?

        Your relationship is the last thing on your list of priorities right now. You need to take care of yourself first.

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        • #5
          Hi CardiK, I'd like to advise U to watch some youtube videos on How To Attract Men or How To Have His Love Back. Dont do something that can push him away more. Please watch those kinds of videos and U will be able to know ways how to get back the love that U feel has disappeared. Trust me because I have experienced about the same thing like U do now.

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          • #6
            he tells me he needs a break for 2 months at most and while that time I'll seek the proper help i need.
            Why haven't you started the "proper help that you need?" Coming here isn't going to help you the way you need to be helped so please get to your doctor for some mile anti anxiety meds so that you can start eating again and for a referal to a psychiatrist that will get you on the proper meds and therapy that hopefully will get you back on track mentally.

            If your boyfriend asked you for a break then the last thing you should be doing is contacting him to help you with your issues. He doesn't want to have to look after you likely so rely on your medical team for your mental and physical symptoms. Perhaps if he sees you are looking after yourself and working on being independent and strong (with the help of professionals) he'll be happy to start up with you again. Doing nothing won't help your wish to be with him nor will contacting him and trying to manipulate him into seeing you before the "break" period.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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            • #7
              Oh, dear girl, this sounds like a very hard situation. So sorry about all you are going through. While you are so sad that your boyfriend is not there right now, it has been good and loving advice from others to focus on yourself. You need to take care of you and feel whole again. You sound like you are struggling and YOU need to be the first priority. Your boyfriend cannot help you heal, that is something you need to do for you. Please consider reaching out for professional help, there is so much help out there. If you have family and friends that you trust, please allow them to help you. No matter how old you are, you have life ahead of you and there is hope. There are lots of resources and options to help you feeling better. Once you take care of yourself, you will be able to see everything clearer. Even if your boyfriend comes over, you still have to deal with these things....so don't worry if he is not there right now. Use this time to take care of you. You can call your loca hospital, or your doctor, or family services or a support group in your area by looking on-line. Love yourself right now and get the support that you need and deserve. I wish you strength. You can do this, you will feel better. You will be in my prayers.

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