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partner has such a disgusting bad habit want to end the relationship because of it

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  • partner has such a disgusting bad habit want to end the relationship because of it

    My boyfriend chews tobacco and I cant handle it. The whole spitting in a cup has got me to the point I want to vomit. we have been dating for a year but he has just recently started doing it around and in front of me. I thought I could deal with it but I cant get past it anymore. The last straw was when he left a water bottle full of it in my bathroom garbage even after knowing how I felt about it. Have asked several times not to do it in front of me, but that has not sunk in I guess? never told him he couldn't just not in front of me. He also does that phylm swallowing thing all the time along with the nasty noise that comes with it. Am I being ridiculous? This is caused me to be completely turned me off by him.

  • #2
    So why are you still with him?
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      I guess I feel guilty because he is a genuinely nice guy with a habit I cant live with. I just didn't expect it to bother me this much.


      • #4
        How do you tell a guy he turns you off because of his chewing tobacco. Sounds kinda funny but its a reality and I don't know how to go about it???


        • #5
          I think you trying to get past it is very commendable , at lest you tried , but if he is canít or is not willing to give it up , then you only have to choices , live with it or dump him .

          He he doesnít seem to even respect you enough to at least not do it in front of you , never mind leaving that crap in your garbage can .

          Just tell him if he doesnít stop itís over , if he thinks your being ridiculous , just tell him he is right , but you still donít want to be around it !

          You have every right to not tolerate being disrespected or put up with someoneís bad habit .
          It’s time to let go , you have to sacrifice the life you have for the life you want !


          • #6
            Don't ever stay with a partner because of guilt. You find his habit disgusting and a complete turn off. As an adult, you tell him what you said here.

            "... Honey, you're a great guy and I thought I could overlook your chewing habit, but I can't. It turns me off and I just cannot be around it anymore. I'm really sorry, but I have to move on...."

            Be prepared, however, for him to argue that you're being unreasonable or unfair. Don't listen to it.

            There is no such think as an invalid reason for ending a relationship. Your wants and desires, turn-ons and turn-offs are yours. You don't have to make excuses for them or defend them. And you don't have to attack him for his habits either. It doesn't work for you and you can't be around it. End of story.

            Also be prepared for him to make promises about quitting. Don't accept that either. Tobacco is extremely addicting. You say,

            "...Honey, that's a really generous offer. However, I know tobacco is addicting and very difficult to quit. I don't want to set us up for failure and disappointment by catching you using or you backsliding. If you are serious about quitting, then quit. When you have, come find me and ask me on a date. If I'm available, I'll consider the date...."

            Good luck


            • #7
              Thank you for your response. I failed to mention I quit smoking myself not to long ago and honestly it was in hopes heíd quit as well not the only reason but definitely gave me motivation. That was a month ago. He said heís trying to quit and I know better. He is a hunter so it will only last for so long. Guess I have to face the truth and be honest with myself. This wonít be to hard to say goodbye as for he suks in bed as well. Much appreciated the advise!!!! Moving on.


              • #8
                Also I am loving being a non smoker so I have him to thank for that!!!


                • #9
                  The time before marriage is when we get a get out of jail card for free. It is the time where you try different mates, discarding some and entering into relationships with others. If you do not like something you can leave as simply as waking out of the door with no penalty like there is in divorce. So now is that time. I will assure you that you will find other boyfriends. I went through an ex fiancť and ex girlfriend before I met my wonderful wife of 46 years.

                  What is dangerous is that when new couples fall in love they enter what is called courtship love. You want to spend as much time as possible with him. You are interested in most things he says and most of all, you overlook his bad habits. This love disappears a few years after marriage and that is when people either divorce or decide to build a new kind of love for each other. Staring off with hating his bad habit is almost a guarantee that it will not work out for you. With more than half of married couples divorcing, the odds are against you and even more so due to your dislike of his habit at a time where your love normally overlooks such things. Think of it. We all enter into marriage knowing that the odds are against us. Would you buy a car that you know has a 53% chance of breaking down. No, and yet you risk a lot more in marriage. Why? It is that courtship love that makes you think that he is the one. Nothing he does is that bad that you cannot live with it. Love will overcome, but unfortunately it will only get worse.

                  So ask yourself if you want to waste your time with someone not suited for your tastes or start looking for Mr. Right? So many are afraid to break off a relationship and live alone again, enter the dating pool with guys who are still single for good reasons, and all that goes along with being single again. Don't let that deter you as a divorce is much, much worst. Good luck.


                  • #10
                    Excellent point of view. I agree as I have been married and divorced already once. Thank you


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by kateyes76 View Post
                      How do you tell a guy he turns you off because of his chewing tobacco. Sounds kinda funny but its a reality and I don't know how to go about it???
                      "Dude, that thing you did just there! It makes me wanna puke so don't do it in front of me anymore please." Then, if he does it again, you tell him "see ya, hate to be ya" and you dump his disgusting ass.

                      "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!