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I need to find a way to express myself so here it goes...

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  • I need to find a way to express myself so here it goes...

    I knew it was over when I found out she didnít feel the same way about me that I did about her. I was always there for me when she was upset, sick, or just plain moody. Whenever I expressed that I was upset about something she would simply laugh and change the subject, or on the rare occasion I told her that what she had said or done had hurt or upset me she would get mad at me, or simply turn away from me and ignore me for the rest of the night. I was under the false impression for over a year that she cared about me as more than someone to keep her from feeling alone. She made me feel very special on the rare occasion she looked past her iPhone to talk to me for a few minutes. I have been slowly coming to the realization that even though you can give a person every bit of patience, love, and kindness that you can muster, they can still take you for granted and make you feel like you arenít good enough for them. I have learned that life is in no way fair. I knew this from a young age, however I have learned that you can be so sure of something to put every fiber of your being into it and yet still be put aside like you donít matter. There is no inspirational quote at the end of this nor a life lesson. Just someone coming to realization that there is no real magic of love in life. On the slim chance you find it keep it and never let go, for you have found the best life has to offer. I want nothing more than to someday find what I thought I had over the past few years, but now if I find it, how will I know itís real? And not the same. Yet I find myself thinking what will I do? I donít believe I am capable of ending things. I rely and care to much about her to leave. Even though I believe all the things I have written i still ask myself what if she does care? What if weíre just going through a rough patch. But the. I remind my self that we are young, and young people donít experience the type of problems I have been faced with in the last two years. I know the answer is to end things but I know Iím not capable of it. I feel like Iím waiting in purgatory for the gates of heaven to open up and let me in but that day will never come. I feel hopeless, lost, and powerless in my life. To whoever is reading this I apologize for the negative tone but I just needed to find some way to express myself without being judged or criticized. Thank you for understanding

  • #2
    I'm sorry you're hurting.
    I've been where you are, in a dead end relationship with someone I knew only cared about himself. To come to that realization hurts like hell. It also gets better.
    Your epiphany is the start of a process, one you need to ride out in your own time. Breaking up with someone isn't a black and white matter. The idea will start to creep up on you. At first it seems impossible, but as the days, weeks and months go by, this idea grows stronger and becomes more present. The more you suffer, the more you feel lonely when you're with her, the more you feel your expectations aren't even close to being met, the less impossible it will seem.
    Until one day you wake up and look at her and you can't remember what was holding you back in the first place.

    Ride out the process. You will get there, in your own time.
    And when you do, we'll be here to listen.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf