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Feeling worried

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  • Feeling worried

    Hi all and thanks to anyone who answers.

    Basically I'm in a new relationship of just under six months.
    I'm a man and my girlfriend has gone to Spain on holiday with her Nan for a week.

    ​​​​​​We are missing each other dreadfully and I'm doing all I can to kill time until she is back with me.

    So Saturday night I went out, had a few drinks and bumped into my ex....she came over to me and started talking about our daughter.
    I should have walked away as that is what I'd promised my gf that I'd do it if this situation ever arose.
    but I spoke to my ex for around fifteen mins, then left.

    The pub was crowded, there were people around, there was no physical contact between me and my ex.

    As me and my gf don't lie to each other, I had to tell her what I'd done when she asked me on the Sunday.

    She was devastated and thinks I've done more.....when I honestly haven't. She said she felt like I'd cheated on her
    We've since talked about it and she had told me many times that we'll be okay and that she loves me and can't wait to get back home to 53 hours to be precise, not that I'm counting.

    However I feel so so bad that I've upset her and betrayed her trust.
    I'm worried that she won't be able to forgive me and will end things with me.

    We are a really strong couple who can talk about everything.
    Do people think we'll be okay??
    At worst it was just one conversation with my ex for only fifteen minutes of a lifetime.
    Our paths were bound to cross at some point so at least its out of the way and when I saw her I knew I had no feelings left for her as all my love is for my gf.

    I just wave my gf back with me so I can hold her and apologise face to face.
    I've learned from this that I'll never entertain my ex ever again.

    Am I worrying wo much about my gf finishing with me??
    Do I need to feel as bad as I do??

    Thanks all x

  • #2
    I'm having trouble understanding what exactly you did wrong...

    You have an ex, who you share a child with.
    You spoke to this ex, about your child.
    It was not an arranged meeting, nor did you get involved into a personal conversation with your ex about things that are no longer each others business?
    That's all that happened?

    What on Earth did you do wrong?

    I can understand it when a new girlfriend doesn't want you to be friendly and overly personal with your ex, or spending time together like friends in date-like activities.
    But there's nothing wrong with having some basic human decency.
    Your ex comes over to talk about a child you're raising, of course you reply. What were you supposed to do? Pretend she was invisible and risk causing trouble regarding custody/ child care arrangements?

    I think it's perfectly possible to have a polite, brief conversation with the mother of your child without crossing any boundaries. You two need to have something similar to a professional relationship, where you can discuss basic things regarding the joint care you have of this child.

    So the way I see it, either you're not telling us the full story. Maybe you've crossed a boundary in the past, cheated, acted inappropriately with your ex and now your girlfriend is extremely sensitive and untrusting of you.
    Or your girlfriend has you on a really short leash and is making unrealistic demands.

    Which one is it?
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3
      I'm tending to agree with Ayla. I don't think you did anything wrong and am appalled that you are made to feel so guilty.


      • #4
        Thanks guys for your responses.

        I don't think I really did anything wrong - the only thing I've done "wrong" was spoken to my ex as I promised to my gf that I'd always walk away - which is what I done after a few minutes.

        As Ayla states there was no reminiscing about old times, the conversation was about our daughter and then went onto my gf anyway as my ex knows that I have moved on.

        I guess as Ayla alludes to the only bit I hadn't mentioned is when I was having a phone conversation on the sunday night with my gf in Spain she asked me had I bumped into my ex and I initially said no because I didn't want to spoil my gf's holiday and was going to tell her when she gets back on Friday.
        She then said that she felt I was lying and so I told her there and then what had happened cos I can't lie to her.

        My gf does have me on a short leash as she finds it hard to trust anyone as she has been lied to and cheated on by her previous that little lie I told her, which was done to protect her until she was back home, is half the issue with the other half being me talking to my ex.

        I'm worried that she will hurt me now or finish with me as I've hurt her


        • #5
          Your girlfriend is insecure and has issues she needs to see a professional for. Stop pandering to her behaviour and find yourself a better woman to call girlfriend. I think you need therapy too for continuing to grovel and be at the mercy of someone so ridiculously demanding and controlling. Try and figure out why you are so vulnerable and easy to manipulate and fix it.


          • #6
            I think you need to stop letting your gf make all the rules here.
            You do have a say in your own life, and if she doesn't agree with the choises you make, she can find her way out the door.
            Stop being such a doormat!

            The fact that your girlfriend would tell you not to have any contact with your ex (the mother of your child) is ridiculous and shows a lack of understanding for your situation.
            You have a child for goodness sake! The needs of this child come first, before any relationship or before the personal lives of her parents.
            Your child needs to have 2 parents who can have a basic civilised conversation about her. You decided to have this kid together, well now you're stuck in each others lives until she's at least 18 (and probably a lot longer than that).
            How can you raise a child without communicating with the other parent? You can't!
            You were wrong to make the promise not to talk to your ex, because it's unrealistic. She was wrong to demand it, because it's selfish of her to put her insecurity ahead of the wellfare of your daughter.
            You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf