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Still got a chance or kidding myself?

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  • Still got a chance or kidding myself?

    Hi all,

    My situation is one resulting from a relationship a lot shorter than what seems to be normal on here. I was "seeing" my co-workers best mate for the last 3 months or so. I felt like it was the real deal, I've never been in a proper relationship before and thought this was the one I'd been waiting for.

    It was chugging a long quite nicely, we were "seeing" each other which to me means just sleeping together but we were acting more like a couple (going on dates, PDA, days out etc). She'd been clear from the start that she wanted to take it slow as she'd just got out of a long term relationship that didn't end well and it seemed to dawn on her how serious it may have been getting when I invited her to a couple family things (not tailored occasions so they could meet her, just group pre-existing plans) on successive weekends, I'm prone to getting carried away with stuff when I'm enjoying myself and in hindsight was probably a bit too hasty. After saying she'd come along and then backing both times she got a bit a distant and wasn't replying to texts or committing to plans as much for the week and a bit leading up to ending it.

    She then asked to meet for coffee after she finished work and I knew immediately what was coming. I was 100% prepared for it but it didn't make even slightly easier. Her issue was that because of the previous relationship and when it ended (a month before we started seeing each other) she wasn't in the right frame of mind to commit to being in a relationship (with anyone not just me) and getting into that "routine" as she put it right now or probably for the next couple of months. She said she knew that I wanted a proper relationship and couldn't be sure that things would be different in a couple months if we carried on seeing each other and I that if she was in the right space she would want to as well. We ended on really good terms, I don't dislike her anything for ending it, exactly the opposite she gave me the best 3 months I've had in a long time and was really considerate of my feelings whilst ending it, which shows she cares. We were even joking and chatting like we were before she broke up with me on the way to the car park to go our separate ways.

    After rambling on for a bit (sorry about that) my question is basically, do I still have a chance with her? We get on on a fundamental level and are 100% going to be friends, but I feel like I'm always going to want and feel like I should have more with her and will be stuck thinking that she might feel the same some day. Or... am I kidding myself and the way she broke up with me was the nicest and most caring way of placing me in her friend zone for all time and space and I should get on with my life as I've got no hope of being anymore than just friends?

    Any advice, brutal or non-brutal appreciated!

  • #2
    It's hard to really say. No one knows what's really going through her mind so it's anyone's guess whether you have any shot with her. She could be letting you down easy because you're really not that hot after all in her books or she could actually be messed up from her previous relationship and needs time to recoup. If you genuinely feel like there's real chemistry and that you both get along better as a couple than as friends, then perhaps there could be something more. If I were you though stop waiting around for someone who doesn't make you a priority! Who knows what she's thinking. I once had a female friend who played all the men she dated just like that.

    The main point - why the heck should you wait around for someone who's not that great after all?


    • #3
      aj15566 She's made it very clear to you that it's over; a done deal. She's willing to remain friends with you and that's it; on her terms. This is the deal, take it or leave it. Don't wish for what could've been because you're wasting your brain space and energy on someone who doesn't share mutual feelings for you which is a realistic fact of life. You can't force it. Get on with your life. This is what I would do if I were in your shoes.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


      • #4
        I completely follow what Rose Mosse says.
        It's impossible to guess what her true motives were for breaking up with you. Maybe she just wasn't that into you and wanted to let you gown gently. Maybe it really was too fast.

        I think the best thing for you to do right now is to move forward with your life and not give her too much thought anymore.
        Don't let this big question mark control your life. You'll probably never now exactly what happened in her mind. you're just going to have to accept that.

        Move on with your life. Don't wait for her or try to get her back.
        If at some point she does feel ready for a serious relationship, she'll know where to find you. If you're still single at that time, so be it.
        But don't hold yourself back hoping for something that may never happen.
        You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf