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I may have messed up

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  • I may have messed up

    Hey All,

    I was in a long term relationship with the love of my life. We broke up after 6 years of dating and having children together. After giving her time and just improving myself and spending more time with my children, we got back together again. The day we got back together a friend of mine sent me a sexual text and I acknowledged it by saying "oh is that right". Well, my lady found the message and flipped out. She wanted to see the rest of the texts. I told her no, because there was nothing else there except conversations that I had with the girl about her. So, I deleted the thread. But, before my gf found the thread, i had stop talking to this girl for some time. Like 2 weeks. The girl continued to text me but I never answered. I was talking to this girl because she is a long time friend and I confided in her when my gf and I broke up the first time. My now ex gf said that i should have told the girl that i had a gf and not have said anything. Well, i didnt say anything after that one statement. I did end up telling the girl that I can't talk to her anymore. But, this was after everything went down. But, I think it was too late.

    Well, my question here is... did I mess up? I think I may know the answer, I just need to know from others opinion.


  • #2
    Yes, you messed up.
    You shouldn't have replied to that last message. I think you know very well that was inappropriate, given that you were in a relationship again.
    However, I don't think your girlfriend has the right to read texts that were sent/received during the time you were separated. That has nothing to do with her and you were free to text/sext anyone you wanted.

    Show your girlfriend that you've blocked this girls number and will no longer talk to her. Hopefully she'll get over it soon.
    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf


    • #3

      I know I shouldn't have replied. I didnt think about it at that moment. It was a mistake on my part and I admitted it to her. But, she broke it off anyway. I guess I was so used to being single, but no excuses.


      • #4
        Yes, you definitely messed up. The key word is transparency and you, sir, missed the memo that clearly stated relationships require transparency. Next time be honest in as many if not all your relationships that you are attached and deflect ridiculous attentions from the opposite sex. If you are insecure or have issues to work through find a therapist and talk it out. Also make up your mind whether you want to make this relationship with your girlfriend work. If you do not, then for goodness sake, be honest with the kids too and mature about the break up and move on.


        • #5
          Thanks Rose. I dont have any issues or anything. I'm just in total shock that I allowed this to occur. I want it to work out but, it's out of my hands. The only thing I think I can do now is to move on. It sucks! I really do love her. I worked so hard to get her back just to throw it away on a stupid comment.


          • #6
            I think your words (to her) may be cheap right now. Let your actions come through over a period of time. If she's a good woman she won't retaliate and cheat on you or treat you badly. She'll stick to her values and her guns and make sure that she raises your kids right and is a good mother. Whether she ever finds it in her to forgive you entirely is another question. She may forgive you as the father of her children and make amends but be prepared for some gray areas (periods where she's touchy, angry and insecure around you but yet says she trusts you) if it ever gets to that point.


            • #7
              Shattered_Dreams Yes, you messed up but there's nothing you can do about the past except learn from it. If you're girlfriend is that unforgiving, then you need to rethink your relationship with her. Hopefully, she will simmer and calm down. All you can do from this day forward is to be a good person and ignore communication on the side; especially with the opposite gender. I don't think it is too late for you. You can rebuild trust with your girlfriend as long as both of you are patient and give it time.
              "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."