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How can someone who loves you treat you like this?

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  • How can someone who loves you treat you like this?

    Widowed almost 7 years ago. My first 2 relationships ended because both men lied to me and did it on several occasions. I was so good to them and each professed to love me. How can that be?

    The last one I had to end after finding out that he withheld important information from me. That coupled with the fact that he never seemed to embrace me into his family and friends after almost 2 years of dating made it clear we weren't for each other. I wrote him a letter being civil as I could outlining why I felt betrayed and angry by his behavior. He has never responded to the letter - not even a text saying he sorry things didn't work out, etc. What does that say about him? I think it's another slap in the face or he is a complete coward!

  • #2
    Why worry about what it means? What's important is that you chose two men who weren't right for you.

    Next time, go slower and make sure you have enough in common with them and they're in love with you before you make a commitment.
    "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay


    • #3
      sosad1623 , He hasn't responded to your letter. What does that say about him? The answer: He's not seriously interested in you. Yes, rejection is a slap in the face and instead of ignoring you, he could've hit you with a gentle, polite, respectful non-interest explanation. He was a dud so move on.

      I'm sorry about your widowhood. Not all men are pigs. A good man is out there for you somewhere! Hang in there. Chin up.
      "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."


      • #4
        I went through something pretty similar to you recently and it hurts to the core because why spend the energy into the relationship only to just walk away? At the very least, a cordial "I'm sorry it didn't work out" would be great, but unfortunately, we have no control how others react. It says nothing about you, but of a lot about who he is. It does hurt, but when you're ready, get back out there. Date, but have fun with it. The right guy will come along......Also, I always find when anyone is willing to fall in love quickly, they fall out just as quick.


        • #5
          Precious friend,

          It sounds like you picked a couple of men who were not trustworthy and that can really hurt. I know you are in pain now, and yes, it does feel like a slap in the face, that he did not have the decency to respond. I had a similar experience with a man a couple of years back, and I was left with a feeling of a lack of closure. It sounds like maybe you are feeling that too. The reality is we cannot make them respond. It also sounds like he was not who you thought he was. I found that to be true of the man I fell in love with. I don't know if the same is true for you, but I had created in my mind this man I wanted him to be, and my friends pointed out inconsistencies in his character and red flags that I overlooked, because I created this ideal in my head of who he was and the reality showed he wasn't that man. It sounds like perhaps your case was similar. We can go over it and over it in our minds wondering why they didn't respond the way we thought they should, but it doesn't help. It doesn't change the situation, and at least in my case, as I get some real distance from it, I think it was a Godsend that it ended the way it did. Based on who he turned out to truly be, if I had married him, what a horrible life that would have been. It sounds like honestly it is a blessing that you discovered he was not who you thought he was before it ever went as far as marriage. Sweetheart,, there are a couple of books that I think might be helpful. The first is by Christina Dalpiaz and it is titled "How to Depolarize Your Jerk Magnet." It helps you analyze the ones you're picking and why you are picking them. It has some really thought-provoking insights. The second book I really, really encourage you to get and to read before you get into any more relationships. It is by Chip Ingram and is called "Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships." It offers a new approach to the dating scene and relationships in general. Both of these can be found on I hope you will get them and really check them out before pursuing another relationship.


          • #6
            thanks to all of you, especially the last posting by KP...such a heartbreaking experience it is hard to trust again but I will continue to try.
            Take care.