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  • Venting for feedback!

    Iím going to try to summarize as much as I canó sooo, Iím so over dealing with my fiancťís bullshit! Iím unhappy! He doesínt understand at all! I try my best not to sound like Iím complaining all the time but everything he do just gets to me! Tonight for example, his nephew had a birthday dinner and we went, it was a lot of ppl, a few couples and we were one of them.. Iím not very talkative at all and heís the complete opposite! First, he leaves me (pregnant) alone with 2 busy toddlers to go get liquor Iím looking like where tf did he go. Anywho they bring the food and as weíre eating he complains about our son playing around which I didnít mind because it was a shit load of people and my son was bored just sitting there. His nieces and nephews listening to us argue about that jut set everything off. Like dude shut the hell up & let him enjoy himself! second, he says ďIím going to get another drink I donít want you to say I left you or anything and Iím going to talk to some guyĒ that just blew my over the edge.. by this time his niece and nephew are looking at each other like Wtf is going on here. My problem is whyyy leave me and I really donít know anyone here. Every other couple is sittings there together, talking together with other people.. then thereís me with the kids by my lonesome. Iíve decided not to go to any other family events simply because he always leaves me high and dry. Sorry, one last thing. He has work tomorrow and the kids were ready to go (rowdy and fussy) so we leave and he says to his family Iím not leavingóIím just walking her to her car wtf if it was any other night and I wanted to have a family night out and he had to work the next day I would never hear the end of it. I honestly feel as he donít even like/love me/us heís just with me to be with me. Iím beyond fed up and really about to leave his ass.

  • #2
    I'm sorry about your situation. Hopefully, you can have a calm, toned down conversation with your fiance minus the emotional yelling. If this doesn't work, hopefully you can try your best to socialize even though you're bogged down taking care of the kids during social setting, restaurants, at someone's house, etc. I know it's hard but sometimes you have to be a good sport about it especially if you have to make the best of a situation which isn't ideal between you and him. Even though you're not talkative, try to make small talk with those around you. A good starting point is to chat a bit with those who are mothers or parents because they'll understand you better. There were times when I was stuck with the kids and I had to make do even though I didn't like it. I can't depend on others even my husband to always make sure I'm ok and same thing when the kids were little and I was tending to their every need. I agree with you, your fiance is selfish but if you can't change him to your will, you have to change your personality in order to make every situation for yourself better. I do hope you can work it out with him though because I see your point and I would be fuming, too.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Your fiance?? How long have you been engaged? And is there a wedding date set?
      Last edited by Pollon; May 18th, 2018, 12:36 AM.

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      • #4
        Pollon engaged since Dec. & not yetó by the way itís going idec to set one!

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        • #5
          Wait. You have a child with him and you're pregnant again and you both haven't committed to each other yet?
          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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          • #6
            SarahLancaster yep! You read it right!

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            • #7
              What is your plan for dealing with this situation?
              "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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              • #8
                SarahLancaster My plan on what? Not being married yet? Or being tired of him in general?

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                • #9
                  Is he aware of your unhappiness? Do you have a plan for the future if you leave him? Like child support, etc? Have you thought of couples counseling?
                  "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                  • #10
                    SarahLancaster I tell him ALL the time about how I feel and he never fix anything! He talks to me like Iím dumb and make me feel worthless! Me being pregnant doesnít help at all with all the extra emotions I have. Yes I have made plans for a breakup, child support isnít one of them though.. I want to do it alone without having to ask him for anything, he can come and pick the kids up every once in awhile .. I honestly donít want anything to do with him. Couples councilng? No, I donít see any reason to see one.. he thinks the way he treats me is loving me and itís soooo hard to change his mind. Iím over it at this point. Iíve tolerated this for way too long.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Sexymama123 View Post
                      SarahLancaster I tell him ALL the time about how I feel and he never fix anything! He talks to me like Iím dumb and make me feel worthless! Me being pregnant doesnít help at all with all the extra emotions I have. Yes I have made plans for a breakup, child support isnít one of them though.. I want to do it alone without having to ask him for anything, he can come and pick the kids up every once in awhile .. I honestly donít want anything to do with him. Couples councilng? No, I donít see any reason to see one.. he thinks the way he treats me is loving me and itís soooo hard to change his mind. Iím over it at this point. Iíve tolerated this for way too long.
                      He's probably incredibly tired of your complaints and has mentally checked out too. Everything you say is a complaint so why listen type of deal. If you can't manage your anger and resentment, you need professional help. Maybe try talking with a therapist (on your own) and working through why you are so irritable all the time. You've checked out emotionally. Why should he be your punching bag?

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                      • #12
                        Rose Mosse clearly Iím irritated because I have no help with the kids and tired of getting treated like shit. I was under the impression a relationship works as a team! Not, who can hurt or put down one another the most. Me complaining is nothing compared to how he treats me! I blow off so much, until I just explode!

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                        • #13
                          I want to do it alone without having to ask him for anything,

                          You can't have it both ways, sexy. Either you want him to help you with the kids or you want to do it alone.
                          "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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                          • #14
                            SarahLancaster what Iím saying is.. if we are TOGETHER; I would love for him to help with the kids & not just stare while I struggle. BUT if we arenít in a relationship I could care less what he does, Iíll figure out how to manage.. maybe not going out to large gatherings alone without a helping hand or leaving a child with a sitter.

                            If if that makes sense!

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Sexymama123 View Post
                              Iím going to try to summarize as much as I canó sooo,

                              Iím so over dealing with my fiancťs bullshit! Im unhappy! He doesínt understand at all! I try my best not to sound like Iím complaining all the time but everything he do just gets to me! Tonight for example, his nephew had a birthday dinner and we went, it was a lot of ppl, a few couples and we were one of them.. Iím not very talkative at all and heís the complete opposite!

                              First, he leaves me (pregnant) alone with 2 busy toddlers to go get liquor Iím looking like where tf did he go. Anywho they bring the food and as weíre eating he complains about our son playing around which I didnít mind because it was a shit load of people and my son was bored just sitting there. His nieces and nephews listening to us argue about that jut set everything off. Like dude shut the hell up & let him enjoy himself!

                              Second, he says ďIím going to get another drink I donít want you to say I left you or anything and Iím going to talk to some guyĒ that just blew my over the edge.. by this time his niece and nephew are looking at each other like Wtf is going on here. My problem is whyyy leave me and I really donít know anyone here. Every other couple is sittings there together, talking together with other people.. then thereís me with the kids by my lonesome.

                              Iíve decided not to go to any other family events simply because he always leaves me high and dry. Sorry, one last thing. He has work tomorrow and the kids were ready to go (rowdy and fussy) so we leave and he says to his family Iím not leavingóIím just walking her to her car wtf if it was any other night and I wanted to have a family night out and he had to work the next day I would never hear the end of it.

                              I honestly feel as he donít even like/love me/us heís just with me to be with me. Iím beyond fed up and really about to leave his ass.
                              ^^^ fixed your wall of text. (not sure why the comma is coming out as a box???)

                              I tell him ALL the time about how I feel and he never fix anything
                              Then leave him but bitching (also known as venting) about it on a forum isn't going to get him to change. Nor will it get him helping you with the children. He is who he is and you've chosen to have three children with him so either learn to live with who he is or get yourself out but before you do make sure you see a lawyer and get proper child custody and financial support in place. If you don't, he's going to more likely then not, leave you without any financial support in raising those children.

                              While I'm here, why are you needing him to be by your side when at a family function? People want to talk to their family members when getting together so why is that such a big deal to you? Is it because he's not helping with the children or is it because you're an introvert you expect him to cater to your inward nature?

                              As far as child support:
                              I want to do it alone without having to ask him for anything,
                              Then you're not a very smart woman. Sorry, but that is just not putting your children's best interests to the forefront. His children, his responsibility to help with their financial well being. Besides, if he sees how much it's going to cost him a month he might put some effort into making the marriage work.
                              Last edited by phasesofthemoon; May 18th, 2018, 03:44 PM.
                              "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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