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I'm sick...my gf doesn't take care of me.

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  • I'm sick...my gf doesn't take care of me.

    We have both professed our deep love to each other. I will do anything for her and have done so. I am getting the impression that I might love her more than she loves me. Case in point yesterday I awake sick but still have to get my kids out the door (single Dad). So here is our text conversation over the day. Anyone else see red flags in the caring and sacrifice areas? I can promise...a team of wild horses could not have kept me from caring for her however she wished. I'm hurt.

    6:17am
    I told you I awoke sick. Flu-like aches and sore throat.

    10:36am
    You ask me if I want you to come over.

    10:41am
    I say yes please come over

    12:32pm
    You say that you need to get through a little bit more work

    2:56
    You say "Honey- I love you sooo much and I can't wait to you as soon as possible!"

    3:24pm
    You asked me about my plans for tomorrow (Me thinking- I am getting the distinct impression you're not coming over but still you don't say this)

    3:37pm
    I asked if you were coming over

    3:39pm
    You say no that you have other plans (workout and weekly dinner/wine with friends) and don't have time now.


  • #2
    Geezus, grow up !
    Move back home to your mommy if you need a woman to dote over you and your flu like symptoms.

    GImme a break !
    The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

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    • #3
      You have professed your deep love to each other. Well, isn't that special!!

      What are you going to do when you have a REAL problem?
      "What lips my lips have kissed and where and why I have forgotten." ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

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      • #4
        You know, women have been getting up sick to get kids to school since the beginning of organized school. I think you need to toughen up a bit and just get yourself back to bed once the kids are in school. Its what The Mother (of most households) have been doing.

        As for her saying she's coming over and then doesn't, well that was a tad crappy of her. She should have just told you from the beginning to suck it up and she'd see you tomorrow.

        You can always leave her if she's not nurturing enough for you.
        "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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        • #5
          I have always taken care of myself so that's not in play. I got that! It was her saying one thing and doing another, especially opting for workout wine and dinner with friends when the person she professes to love deeply is not feeling well. Just not adding up.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by ANewSpecies View Post
            I have always taken care of myself so that's not in play. I got that! It was her saying one thing and doing another, especially opting for workout wine and dinner with friends when the person she professes to love deeply is not feeling well. Just not adding up.
            Maybe she's finding you a tad too beta?

            I've been married for 40+ years and I can tell you that I'd rather work out, then go for dinner and drinks with friends then sit and watch the hubs blow and snort. He, I know would rather I go out and have fun then stay in and have me listen to that shit. Its why we've lasted so long. We don't have unreasonable expectations of one another.
            "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post

              Maybe she's finding you a tad too beta?

              I've been married for 40+ years and I can tell you that I'd rather work out, then go for dinner and drinks with friends then sit and watch the hubs blow and snort. He, I know would rather I go out and have fun then stay in and have me listen to that shit. Its why we've lasted so long. We don't have unreasonable expectations of one another.
              The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ANewSpecies View Post
                We have both professed our deep love to each other. I will do anything for her and have done so. I am getting the impression that I might love her more than she loves me. Case in point yesterday I awake sick but still have to get my kids out the door (single Dad). So here is our text conversation over the day. Anyone else see red flags in the caring and sacrifice areas? I can promise...a team of wild horses could not have kept me from caring for her however she wished. I'm hurt.

                6:17am
                I told you I awoke sick. Flu-like aches and sore throat.

                10:36am
                You ask me if I want you to come over.

                10:41am
                I say yes please come over

                12:32pm
                You say that you need to get through a little bit more work

                2:56
                You say "Honey- I love you sooo much and I can't wait to you as soon as possible!"

                3:24pm
                You asked me about my plans for tomorrow (Me thinking- I am getting the distinct impression you're not coming over but still you don't say this)

                3:37pm
                I asked if you were coming over

                3:39pm
                You say no that you have other plans (workout and weekly dinner/wine with friends) and don't have time now.
                Perhaps it's her round about way of informing you that she doesn't not wish to come down with your germs and become sick, too. Think about it. You are contagious and can't afford to get sick. I wouldn't either if I could help it.
                "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

                Comment


                • #9
                  She avoided you because she didn't want to get the flu. Very logical.

                  Again, she's your GF not your nursemaid.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Honestly, it's just the flu. You weren't dying.
                    I agree with the other ladies here, she probably can't afford to get sick right now and would rather avoid your germs. Makes perfect sense.
                    You didn't need her there. You're old enough to take care of yourself. You'd just be exposing her to your germs. Pretty selfish to resent her for saying no to that.

                    Love doesn't mean giving up your own life and being at your SO's backing call. It doesn't work that way. You can love someone and still not become their personal butler.
                    You can't control the waves, but you can learn to surf

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by phasesofthemoon View Post

                      Maybe she's finding you a tad too beta?

                      I've been married for 40+ years and I can tell you that I'd rather work out, then go for dinner and drinks with friends then sit and watch the hubs blow and snort. He, I know would rather I go out and have fun then stay in and have me listen to that shit. Its why we've lasted so long. We don't have unreasonable expectations of one another.
                      Just because you prefer to be this way doesn't mean everyone else wants this too and it doesn't make your way the right one. We all have different expectations of how much we want the other person to be involved in different parts of our lives.

                      OP, maybe you don't have similar expectations in this regard or I also think you could've expressed yourself more clearly. From your messages it isn't clear to me how sick you were feeling and what you wanted to happen. Maybe your gf didn't realize it either? A discussion of both of your expectations would probably be in order.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        When you do meet her again tell her that in retrospect you are concerned with how she reacted while you were suffering. If things are going to be like that that you are worried about a future together. If she does not apologize then leave her. Wedding vows have the line "in sickness and in health", clearly she won't take this seriously if you're thinking long term relationship here...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Once View Post

                          Just because you prefer to be this way doesn't mean everyone else wants this too and it doesn't make your way the right one. We all have different expectations of how much we want the other person to be involved in different parts of our lives.
                          No one is arguing that. Op does have an expectation from his current partner that she's not willing to meet though as evidenced by the opening post. The point you ask? They don't have equal expectations which means they are incompatible in THIS particular situation.

                          I did say that she was wrong in saying she was coming over only to tell him later that she was not.

                          Bottom line: He didn't get his expected needs met Which IMO were excessive. No where did I say my way was the right way. ffs.

                          Anyway; Perhaps OP ought to have called his mother to mother him rather then his girlfriend/partner.

                          Last edited by phasesofthemoon; May 18th, 2018, 03:20 PM.
                          "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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