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In a real weird and messed up situation. Need any advice...

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  • In a real weird and messed up situation. Need any advice...

    I would like to start by saying I am prepared to take your harsh responses. I think first and foremost that I probably deserve them.
    I also want to explain that it's a little weird and disgusting. So please stop reading if you would like. Honestly have no where else to explain this.

    Currently in a long term relationship. Love her to pieces too, but I'll be lying if I said we haven't had sex in a long time! Whilst we did "things" together, her mental health (without going into details) has deteriorated, so now we don't do any anything. I sparingly see her beyond a few hours, but we make a strong effort to meet. She's seeking help, and slowly but surely getting better.

    It's been hard on me. Selfish to say I know, but I want to support her in every way I can, which can be difficult. To seek some sexual stimulation, without cheating, I spoke to an online male friend (mutual interests) about celebrities we found attractive. It became a little too regular! I won't get explicit about the conversations, they were not harmful however. Eventually we have agreed to meet, both in the same state. The purpose of this was to meet and, I'm sorry to say, jerk over these celebs! Sick right? I don't find men attractive in the slightest! Yet I agreed, and we booked. I know how wrong and vile this is. It has caused me stress, a ton of guilt and shame. He's paid for a hotel and it's got way outta hand. Feel bad to cancel after he's paid. Yet it's so wrong to meet! I don't even want to particularly go ahead with it. So scared on how far I have let this go, all because I wanted some sorta sexual stimulation. Even if it was celebs.

    Please help with advice! Need to sort my life out now.

  • #2
    Are you saying you're going to meet up with some guy you barely know so you can meet up in a hotel room so together, the two of you can jerk off while watching pictures of celebrities? Then you go on to say that you're finding it "sick" and that you really don't want to go?

    If that is the gist of it, then for goodness sakes don't go. If you're horny and you don't want to cheat then ask your girlfriend to get bizzy with you and if she can't, won't or doesn't care to, then tell her you'd like to open up your relationship so you can get your sexual needs met elsewhere. If she doesn't agree to you going elsewhere for your sexual needs then either break up with her or go celibate.

    Forget about being "scared for how long you let it go" just tell the dude that you've realized that you don't really find what was planned to be what you want to do and that you'll not be meeting him. End of.
    Last edited by phasesofthemoon; May 13th, 2018, 03:21 PM.
    "First off, welcome to the Relationship Forums, You'll come to understand that I don't pull any punches when giving my opinion/advice and I hope you're not so sensitive to what I see as the truth of the matter." Me!

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    • #3
      I agree with Phase , you have to talk to your partner and let her know how you feel. I understand you want to support her in her time of need and that is great , however you have a legitimate need also.

      Have faith that your relationship is strong enough for this talk and have enough respect for her to be open an honest with her .

      There are plenty of creative ways you can both accommodate your needs with out you stepping outside the relationship.

      There are ways to refocus your sexual energy also , and it can be very powerful !

      I am also a male , I understand the frustration , and I also know the trouble going down this path will lead to .

      Donít worry about the other fellow , he is not worth you destroying your relationship and you having to carry that guilt with you .

      Just talk to her my friend !
      It will work out just fine!

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      • #4
        Just say "NO" to the online guy and then focus on having a lengthy discussion with your girlfriend.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          I would end it on both sides and learn to be happy being independent and single. The relationship with your girlfriend isn't cutting it and this clandestine online affair is not healthy for you in the long term. Face the reality and don't be afraid to stand on your own.

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