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Together for 1.5 months, left because he was unsure

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  • Together for 1.5 months, left because he was unsure

    Hello guys.

    X and I dated in 2016 for about a month and we broke off as I had someone else in my heart.

    We kept in contact through 2017 as we had mutual friends.

    2018, X told me that he was unsure of his feelings for me. He wasn't sure if he would end up liking me or hurting me but we proceeded to be together as I had lingering feelings left over from 2016. This time round, I told myself that I would try my best in the relationship for the loss time in 2016. I was committed throughout but on and off again, he would tell me that he's still unsure of his feelings.

    X told me that he couldn't overlook my flaws. Throughout the entire 1.5 months of being together in 2018, he told me a total of 4x that he was unsure of his feelings and whenever I ask for a break, he would come back telling me how much he cherished me and love me. Again and again, I kept trying hoping that he would look at me the same way. But the cycle continues.

    X saw a girl during his graduation and told me that he find her his "ideal" type and was a little interested. Upon hearing that from him, my heart was shattered and I didn't know how to continue this. I kept wonder if my effort had gone to waste, why am I easily replaced because someone else looked better than me?

    We finally broke up a week ago as both of us felt that the 1.5 months together was draining (especially on my end, as i kept trying only to hear him say that he's unsure).

    Right now, I heard from our mutual friends that he had already went to talked to the girl via Instagram.

    A part of me is still hanging on to him, even though I know he doesn't like me at all at this point in time. I still have hope in me, maybe because of the things he said to me.

    It is very hard for me to have a clean cut from him as much as I want to, as our mutual friends are very very close to me. We game together, and hang out together. We are like in a clique and I don't want my feelings to make things awkward for everyone.

    I know I should move on, but I can't seem to rid the hope in me.

    Should I try again?

  • #2
    No, don't try again. Your X is mentally unstable.

    Since you share mutual social circles and it's not out of sight out of mind for you, just act classy. Remain calm, polite, be cordial and contain yourself. Let there be no emotional outbursts, never cause a scene, don't argue,r become difficult nor dramatic. Be a good person and hold your head up high. Be above it. Carry yourself with grace. Be proud of your behavior, treat yourself with self-respect and treat him and others with respect and you'll be fine. Be a self-confident person and possess aplomb. You can do it. This is how you do it. I'm in uncomfortable situations, too and it's all about how you control your behavior so you're proud of yourself and know that you did your best under any circumstances.
    "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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    • #3
      Sometimes, it's just scary isn't it? That you invest so much of your time and effort in somebody and that person don't see it at all. You get easily replaced because someone is better than you.

      Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now. Acting like I am not bothered, while coming onto forum to seek help for my own mental state.

      Though in people's eyes, it would be ridiculous to get this upset over a 1.5 months relationship, but X and I shared a lot of fun together. We even talked about our future!

      I know for a certain that he is very important in my life.. even as a friend. That is why I haven't cut him off yet.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by loey View Post
        Sometimes, it's just scary isn't it? That you invest so much of your time and effort in somebody and that person don't see it at all. You get easily replaced because someone is better than you.

        Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now. Acting like I am not bothered, while coming onto forum to seek help for my own mental state.

        Though in people's eyes, it would be ridiculous to get this upset over a 1.5 months relationship, but X and I shared a lot of fun together. We even talked about our future!

        I know for a certain that he is very important in my life.. even as a friend. That is why I haven't cut him off yet.
        Yes, life situations are not only scary but very uncomfortable especially if it's up to you to be the bigger person, take the higher road and control situations in a positive way where there is peace for both of you. Same thing with mutual people whom both of you know. He said you have flaws. Well, guess what? He has flaws, too. Just chalk it up that you weren't meant for each other due to personality and character differences.

        Some people don't want even a friendship relationship after you two part ways. I've had similar situations where there was a complete cut-off once the relationship (friendship in my case) was over. It was a done deal. I often sought my mother's advice and she told me that all you can do is focus on being grateful for the good in your life and don't let a breakup influence you in any way. Make yourself happy without certain people. I've since learned to do this. If a particular person rejected you, you don't need him because he's not putting you up there as his priority and you're not important to him. Well, in your mind, grow to care less. Think less of the person who doesn't treat you as if you matter. This is what I do and I proceed with my own life as should you. Do what makes you happy and surround yourself with high quality people. And give yourself time to heal your heart.
        Last edited by chanelle; May 14th, 2018, 09:56 PM.
        "If you bungle raising your children, whatever else you do well in life doesn't matter very much."

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        • #5
          Originally posted by loey View Post
          Yeah, that's what I'm doing right now. Acting like I am not bothered, while coming onto forum to seek help for my own mental state.

          Though in people's eyes, it would be ridiculous to get this upset over a 1.5 months relationship, but X and I shared a lot of fun together. We even talked about our future!

          I know for a certain that he is very important in my life.. even as a friend. That is why I haven't cut him off yet.
          1.5 months is still 1.5 months. I wouldn't spend a second date on a man I knew wasn't worth our time and 1.5 months to me is precious time that can be spent doing a million and one other things so don't undercut yourself or de-value your precious time. Distance yourself from him and respect him when he says that he doesn't know what his feelings are. Respect yourself too.

          He sounds like a friend and nothing more. Grow a little and stop depending on this one clique. I think you're placing a lot of importance on what a small group of people think about you. We all care what others think of us whether we like to admit it or not but your trick will be to widen your perspective and learn or make friends with many people, especially good people who influence you positively. That way you have a wide platform from which to draw opinions, perspectives and learn from. You're stuck in your mind only because you've been this way for a long time. Grow and don't be afraid to try new things, get to know new people.

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